Jeremy Clarkson,: I never had a hero, I always wanted one, now my hopes, wishes and dreams are in tatters.

Funny story: Jeremy Clarkson,: I never had a hero, I always wanted one, now my hopes, wishes and dreams are in tatters.

BBC, Top Gear, reports with regret the hospitalisation of Mr Jeremy Clarkson, chief dumbass presenter and almost loudest shouter. Hammond, loudest presenter, (for that is how he is addressed by his public school colleagues) is unable to go on alone.

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Alien Hybrids receive training in human behavior at local department stores

Funny story: Alien Hybrids receive training in human behavior at local department stores

Roswell, New Mexico - Police were called to the local Pay 'N Pack today after a fight broke out at one of the U-scan check out lines. "He's a G-D alien I tell you, shoot him," a woman screamed as she ran from the store. Locals report that...

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Ashley And Cheryl Cole 'Memories Book' Never Existed

Funny story: Ashley And Cheryl Cole 'Memories Book' Never Existed

Reports that Chelsea and England footballer Ashley Cole was to produce a 'Memories' book containing photographs of happier times in a bid to win back the love of estranged wife Cheryl Cole have proven to be nothing but lies, fantasies and fabrication...

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Earth Hour causes global warming

Funny story: Earth Hour causes global warming

Today, across the world, hippies from all countries celebrated "Earth Hour", where people are encouraged to not use any electricity in a futile bid to prevent excessive consumption of the Earth's resources. People are asked to switch off lamps, co...

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Outrageously Bizarre Cheryl Cole Articles Top Internet Search Chart

Funny story: Outrageously Bizarre Cheryl Cole Articles Top Internet Search Chart

It should come as no surprise to internet regulars that Cheryl Cole leads in the net search stakes by a country mile. it seems that those who know who Cheryl is want to know what she's up to, and those who don't know who she is want to find out more...

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Carbon Footprint nearly cost me my life

Funny story: Carbon Footprint nearly cost me my life

I kid you not, no Spoof. This is the bloody truth so it may NOT be published, I'll leave that up to Admin. Friday, we turned the lights off at my place of work, for an hour, from 9.00 a.m. to 10.00 a.m. My place of work being a school, therefore we couldn't do it on the 'Set day' which was Saturday. We explained to our students why we were doing this. Most of them couldn't give a damn and...

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Don't wear the Nike gear if it ain't kosher airport security say you is wearing the wrong number

Funny story: Don't wear the Nike gear if it ain't kosher airport security say you is wearing the wrong number

Don't wear fake Adidas trainers, tops and trackies at Manchester Airport. Please throw your knock off Reeboks and sports socks in the Albert Docks. Lacoste, Fred Perry and Burberry you bought off the market, don't try to impress with these at Liverpo...

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Itsibitsi Corp Unveil Every Man's Dream - The Toilet-top Computer

Funny story: Itsibitsi Corp Unveil Every Man's Dream - The Toilet-top Computer

The Itsibitsi Corporation today announced that the unveiling of their revolutionary new toilet-top computer will take place next Tuesday in Yokohama. The company are gambling their very existence on what they are hoping will be a 'must have' acces...

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Please FOCUS when you are 'pissed off' at someone and don't wish to offend them.

Funny story: Please FOCUS when you are 'pissed off' at someone and don't wish to offend them.

There are some situations in all of our lives where we certainly wish we could say WHAT we mean but are afraid to do so because of consequences which may result from our doing so. I have recently found a simple way to get my true thoughts over to a person who is royally pissing me off. This makes ME feel much better and at the same times, seemingly does NOT offend the 'party' I am directin...

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Etiquette to be observed when meeting Susan Boyle or indeed, visiting her homeland.

Funny story: Etiquette to be observed when meeting Susan Boyle or indeed, visiting her homeland.

If you are NOT living in Scotland then there are certain rules of etiquette to be observed when meeting Susan if you wish to be accepted and return to YOUR homeland intact. 1. Do NOT rush at Susan and hug her. (This could result in you receiving a Blackurn Kiss from Subo. This is the same as a 'Liverpool Kiss' and indeed, a 'Glasgow Kiss', all of which entail the bridge of your...

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Rush Limbaugh Nearly Kills Dick Cheney

Funny story: Rush Limbaugh Nearly Kills Dick Cheney

In a live interview with former Vice President Dick Cheney, heard over the Rush Limbaugh Show Thursday, it was a close call on whether there would ever be another live interview with Cheney. Rush, right in the middle of talking to Cheney about ho...

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Burnley Vow To Bounce Back Bigger And Better Than Ever

Funny story: Burnley Vow To Bounce Back Bigger And Better Than Ever

The lads and lasses of Burnley are facing up to Premier League relegation with a smile on their faces and a spring in their step, pleased that their club made it to the big time and gave it their best shot. It hasn't all been doom and gloom for Cl...

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Taylor Swift NOT Dating Taylor Lautner OR Cory Monteith

Funny story: Taylor Swift NOT Dating Taylor Lautner OR Cory Monteith

Contrary to yet another round of scurrilous and unfounded reporting, we can confirm that the boyishly chested country music diva Taylor Swift is NOT dating ex-squeeze Taylor Lautner - the werewolf out of the Twilight movies - after their blossoming r...

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Iced Tea Spiked with LSD Found at Tea Party Rally

Funny story: Iced Tea Spiked with LSD Found at Tea Party Rally

A group of hippies, outraged that the Tea Party Movement was advertising their Saturday protest rally in Sen. Harry Reid's hometown of Searchlight, Nevada as a conservative Woodstock, decided to teach Palin and her cronies a lesson they'd not soon f...

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Ron Jeremy, Pamela Anderson, Taylor Lautner, and "Vagina Girl" To Star In The X-Rated "Well It's Not Going To Lick Itself - The Sexy Sequel"

Funny story: Ron Jeremy, Pamela Anderson, Taylor Lautner, and "Vagina Girl" To Star In The X-Rated "Well It's Not Going To Lick Itself - The Sexy Sequel"

VENICE BEACH, California - Left Coast Libido Pictures in association with The Las Labias of Los Angeles Motion Picture Company has announced that they will shortly begin filming on the sequel to the X-rated Well It's Not Going To Lick Itself, which i...

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Jesse James admits he's a big fan of Sandra Bullock's Blind Side

Funny story: Jesse James admits he's a big fan of Sandra Bullock's Blind Side

Sandra Bullock has received universal praise for her portrayal of Leigh Anne Tuohy in the movie Blind Side, but her biggest fan is none other than her cheating husband, Jesse James. A close source of James said, 'He loves Sandra's Blind Side. Not...

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Lindsay Lohan Is Not Going To Die - The Press Need To Get A Grip

Funny story: Lindsay Lohan Is Not Going To Die - The Press Need To Get A Grip

A close friend of Lindsay Lohan approached us today asking us to set the record straight on Lindsay Lohan as scurrilous reports announced to the world that the 'Bad Girls' actress was in danger of impending death. THIS IS PATENTLY UNTRUE. Most...

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Sweet Peaches Geldof Is Turning Sour!

Funny story: Sweet Peaches Geldof Is Turning Sour!

LOS ANGELES - Peaches Geldof daughter of Live-Aid organizer and founder Bob Geldof has apparently gotten mixed up with the wrong crowd. Word from a close friend is that 21-year-old Peaches has chosen to run with some mighty big dogs including an u...

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Zac Efron To Make A Movie In Drag?

Funny story: Zac Efron To Make A Movie In Drag?

After squashing rumors that he was about to star in a Flash Gordon movie, High School Musical's Zac Efron confided to reporters that what would really float his boat would be to play a movie bad guy. Or even a movie BAD GIRL! Although we can't...

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Republicant's? Republicunts? "Splitting Hairs," say Democrats

The Center for Politics and the American Way issued a report on Friday analyzing the campaign themes that the two major political parties plan for the fall. Some of the information came from leaked internal memos and were not intended for publication...

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Zac Efron Won't Be Playing Flash Gordon - Vanessa Hudgens Scotches Rumors

Funny story: Zac Efron Won't Be Playing Flash Gordon - Vanessa Hudgens Scotches Rumors

Vanessa Hudgens today laughed off reports that her boyfriend, High School Musical star Zac Efron, would be playing the part of Flash Gordon in an upcoming movie. "I don't know how this crazy rumor got started," Miss Hudgens told us. "But there rea...

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Hillary Clinton Kidnapped and Decapitated by Al Qaeda: Six Weeks Ago! Obama sends Republican Delegation to Negotiate.

Funny story: Hillary Clinton Kidnapped and Decapitated by Al Qaeda: Six Weeks Ago! Obama sends Republican Delegation to Negotiate.

Baffling news emerged today in the apparent kidnap and decapitation of Hillary Clinton while she visited Pakistan on a peace keeping mission. How Al Qaeda, the notorious terrorist group, was able to get access to her is sketchy but more fascinating i...

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Ghostly SuBo?

Funny story: Ghostly SuBo?

A Susan Boyle fan was recovering from shock last night after finding a ghost in her bedroom - listening to her SuBo CD! "I was sat in my living room, when I suddenly heard Susan singing. I went to investigate, when I came face-to-face with the...

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Mrs Ratzinger's Holy Week Seizure

Funny story: Mrs Ratzinger's Holy Week Seizure

Windsore - (Holy Ass Mess): The small print in their 1945 prenup is explicit: any scandalous cock-ups/sordid cover-ups involving altar boys, prepubescent choiristers or trainee seminarians will damn their consecrated union for eternity. And a ba...

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Bangkok Man 'Scared Out Of His Wits' By Bus Conductor

Funny story: Bangkok Man 'Scared Out Of His Wits' By Bus Conductor

A passenger on a Bangkok bus was today scared almost shitless by the bus conductor whose gaping smile revealed a sight frightening enough to scare even Vincent Price - a mouth totally devoid of teeth. The passenger - me - was travelling on the num...

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Kid Destroys Treehouse To Prevent Bank From Repossessing It!

Funny story: Kid Destroys Treehouse To Prevent Bank From Repossessing It!

Thirteen-year-old Charlie Neighbors of Land Between The Lakes, Kentucky has torn down his treehouse in his backyard to prevent the bank from taking it over and reselling it. "I got their stupid notice", Booger (Charlie) told our reporter. "Where a...

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Kristen Stewart Receives Threatening Letters

Funny story: Kristen Stewart Receives Threatening Letters

Who would threaten beloved actress Kristen Stewart is what police are wondering. "The young lady has been getting these for months before she finally brought several to us", stated Police Chief Lawrence Seaway! "I wish she had brought them to us b...

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Shock Result In World's Worst Leader TV Tournament

Funny story: Shock Result In World's Worst Leader TV Tournament

Descendents of King John have reacted with fury after Gordon Brown beat the monarch in the semi-finals of the 'Britain's Worst Ever Leader' contest. King John had expected an easy passage to the finals but the competition jury which included Imeld...

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SuBo buys Buck House

Funny story: SuBo buys Buck House

After much press speculation over Susan Boyle's new house, it was finally revealed last night that she has bought Buckingham Palace. Removal vans were seen outside Buck House last night, and it is expected that the Queen will be moving out soon.

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Thierry Henry To Cry Like A Baby On Emirates Return

Funny story: Thierry Henry To Cry Like A Baby On Emirates Return

Never one to miss out on a media opportunity, former Arsenal idol and confirmed World Cup cheat, Thierry Henry has promised a night of high emotion when he returns to the Emirates Stadium with his Barcelona team-mates to face his old club in the Cham...

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Stoned, naked, tattooed Peaches in Scientology temple sex romp vid shocker!

Los Angeles - (YouBoob!): Are they 'swallows' or love birds tattooed on her curvy bikini line? And is the Small Ones R So Juicy! needle artwork a reference to her fruity name or the naked bouncing breasts that Peaches Geldof is flashing in the ex...

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Jonathon Ross Has Liquid Nitrogen Fetish

Funny story: Jonathon Ross Has Liquid Nitrogen Fetish

What has hitherto been a closely guarded secret among a tight circle of friends became public knowledge on Friday night when it was revealed that TV personality Jonathon Ross finds liquid nitrogen 'really horny' a 'bit scary' and 'tantalisingly irres...

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Peaches Geldof Fury Over Topless Tattoo Booze-Fuelled Naked Heroin Viagra Scientology Sex Pics

Funny story: Peaches Geldof Fury Over Topless Tattoo Booze-Fuelled Naked Heroin Viagra Scientology Sex Pics

Peaches Geldof, the 21 year old daughter of Saint Bob Geldof of Live Aid was furious this morning after a series of photos appeared on the internet, purporting to depict a naked booze and heroin fuelled one night stand warmed up with viagra and polis...

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Mr Ed says I am knackered after finishing second at Newbury

Funny story: Mr Ed says I am knackered after finishing second at Newbury

Mr Ed finished second at Newbury yesterday in the 4.40 a three mile steeplechase and almost collapsed with exhaustion. The race had three runners but the outsider fell leaving Mr Ed racing against the 4-9 favourite Joaaci who ended up winning easily...

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Lionel Messi Quietly Confident About Arsenal Clash

Funny story: Lionel Messi Quietly Confident About Arsenal Clash

Barcelona's Argentinian goalscoring machine, Lionel Messi shrugged off a question from a British journalist regarding Barca's chances of beating Arsenal in the Champions League quarter final tie first leg at the Emirates Stadium on Tuesday night.

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Uma Thurman in tears as ITV have Killed Bill

Funny story: Uma Thurman in tears as ITV have Killed Bill

Uma Thurman was in tears last night firstly she discovered that only one person turned up to see her new Movie Motherhood, at the Apollo cinema in London's West End,then she found out that ITV have killed Bill. The Bill the popular police series w...

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Uno Thurman as only one person called Bill turns up to see her new movie

Funny story: Uno Thurman as only one person called Bill turns up to see her new movie

Only one person turned up at the Apollo cinema in London's west end to see Uma Thurman's latest Movie, Motherhood, a semi autobiographical account of parenting in New York written and directed by Katherine Dieckmann. The one person who did turn up...

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Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart prefer Twilight

Funny story: Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart prefer Twilight

Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart will put their lights out tonight because they prefer twilight,not because of this Earth Hour climate change campaign. Earth Hour ,organised by the World Wildlife Fund (WWF),will see millions of people switch t...

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Brown's concern over 'Fudge Packers'

Funny story: Brown's concern over 'Fudge Packers'

Gordon Brown today entered the row regarding the proposed closure of the Cadbury chocolate factory at Keynsham following the recent takeover by Kraft Foods Company. The Prime Minister expressed his fears for the future of the workforce and declared h...

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NCAA March Madness: Zac Efron, Vanessa Hudgens, and Jesse James Watch #6 Tennessee Upset #2 Ohio State

Funny story: NCAA March Madness: Zac Efron, Vanessa Hudgens, and Jesse James Watch #6 Tennessee Upset #2 Ohio State

ST. LOUIS - Zac Efron, Vanessa Hudgens, and Jesse "How Many More Bitches?" James watched the Volunteers of Tennessee upset the Buckeyes of Ohio State 76-73 at St. Louis' Beer Guzzler's Arena. Zac said that it was one of the best college games that...

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X-Factory aka The Johnson, Murs, & Daniels Trio To Perform With Cheryl Cole At Wembley Stadium

Funny story: X-Factory aka The Johnson, Murs, & Daniels Trio To Perform With Cheryl Cole At Wembley Stadium

LONDON - In a show of support for a woman that they have the utmost respect for the X-Factor music reality show trio of Danyl Johnson, Ollie Murs, and Lloyd Daniels have agreed to perform at a concert in Wembley Stadium along with Cheryl Cole to bene...

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Pixie Lott All Set To Be Bigger Than Gaga And Cheryl Cole

Funny story: Pixie Lott All Set To Be Bigger Than Gaga And Cheryl Cole

A talented young British actress/singer, Pixie Lott, is all set to become the latest big deal in showbusiness. Although still in her teens, Pixie Lott appears to have it all going on. And Pixie fans are confident that their idol will rise to a hig...

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Ontario Human Rights Ballad

Ontario Human Rights Ballad Arses to Allah (To read aloud!) Bah, bah, Barbara Hall*, I'm Barbara Hall, you know. I'm spurring my horse with all of my force To make the carousel go. Let nobody laugh at me and my staff In the office of Barbara Hall's. We're riding astraddle, our bums in the saddle, A-hunting for infidel balls. My professional life is wielding a knife For the cause...

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Knitting noodles

Funny story: Knitting noodles

A UK grandma was presented with the 'Good Household' twin knitting and spaghetti-craft awards today, by creating the world's first edible sweater. Elsie Batty-Edwards from Cardigan, North Wales said that she'd first learnt to finger-knit in her da...

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Fine weights for all men

Funny story: Fine weights for all men

Large gents can now stop their string vests from retracting back up their bellies, by the simple use of a new invention - the 'Newtonian vest weight'. This device appears to have solved the 'short vest' problem, which has eluded the portly aging m...

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Sharon Osbourne Gets New Dog - Ozzy Goes Ballistic!

Funny story: Sharon Osbourne Gets New Dog - Ozzy Goes Ballistic!

Sharon Osbourne - that woman out of 'Somebody's Got Talent' - bought a new dog today on a trip out to Venice Beach. We're told that Sharon spotted the mutt in a pet store window and decided there and then that she just had to take it home with her.

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Review: iPod Atto

Funny story: Review: iPod Atto

Once in a while, as the Spoof's top reviewer, I get handed something to review that makes the whole job worthwhile. This month, I was asked to review the hottest technological product ever: the iPod Atto. The iPod Nano is the slimmed down version of the iPod, which is a slimmed down version of the iPhone or iPad. Or conversely, the iPhone is a beefed up version of the iPod, which is a beefed...

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Golf Sale sign holders to go on strike

Funny story: Golf Sale sign holders to go on strike

For years they've been standing on the streets of Britain looking cold and pissed off holding a bright yellow sign with 'Golf Sale This Way' written on them, but tomorrow the pavements will feel that little bit emptier as the Golf Sale sign holders s...

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