Uninsured Woman With Shoulder Injury Shoots Herself To Get Treatment. . . In The Foot.
Out-of-work Michigan woman to toe: "Stop resisting!" - Kathy M., an unemployed rabbit handler from Flint, Michigan, was injured about a month ago when her dog attempted a difficult MMA takedown which resulted in a shoulder injury. Kathy has been...
Read full storyActivists Who Are Not PETA Open The Megan Kanka Memorial Animal Hospital
Astrid Newspock, International Director of the Persons for Exploitative Treatment of Activists (PEToA), has ramped up their exploitation of any one they damned-well please by opening the Megan Kanka Memorial Hospital for Dogs in Philadelphia, Pa.
Read full storyWimbledon Cancelled
In an unprecedented move, Buckingham Palace has decreed that the All-England Tennis Championship - Wimbledon - is to be cancelled. Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth was to have attended the championship for the first time is 138 years - but the news br...
Read full storyCoco Sumner First Woman to Win The "Julian Lennon Award" For Sounding Exactly Like Her Father.
NO DNA TEST NECESSARY: Eliot "Coco" Sumner, the future Executrix of the Wills of Sting and producer Trudie Styler, is now the first woman to win the Julian Lennon Award for sounding exactly like her famous father, Police guitarist Andy Summers. (U...
Read full storyToshiba Unleashes the Product That Will Make You Forget About iPad!
Toshiba Unleashes the Product That Will Make You Forget About iPad! The New Libretto W100 from Toshiba answers a question that Netbooks answered two years ago: How do we get the unwashed masses to buy Ultra-Mobile PCs (UMPCs), the computers that m...
Read full storyNew Orleans Gay/Lesbian/Bi/Tranny Hookers Collective Sues BP
New Orleans - (Crudités): The beleaguered oil firm is being sued by the city's 50,000 'special needs' sex workers for $500 million in compensation for loss of earnings. The New Orleans GLBT Sex Workers Collective says members are normally working...
Read full storyCharlotte Church Wooed By Woods
In a shock revelation, "Voice of an Angel", Charlotte Church has published a letter to her written (it is alleged) by Tiger Woods. "Dear Charlotte" it begins in sickeningly familiar terms, " I write to you as one who recently has gone through a re...
Read full storyAmerican Super-football roundup
Today, the Atlanta Badgers face the Denver Leopards in a nail-biting crunch-down for the Super-bowl title. In other news, the Los Angeles Pigeons and the New York Hamsters will face-off in a nail-biting slam-up for the Super-bowl title. And if you...
Read full storyLouisiana State Senate: "This Oil Spill Will Now Cease, by God!"
Update, Yet another Day of Prayer has been declared for June 27, 2010, in both Louisiana and Texas as the first Day of Prayer failed to produce results Update #2, July 13, 2010. God still refuses to be swayed by mass prayer, even those pleas by pi...
Read full storyLeona Lewis Tells Longtime Boyfriend Lou Al-Chamaa "It's The World Cup Games or Me?" - Lou Chooses The World Cup Games
GLASGOW, Scotland - Leona Lewis was in Glasgow to perform at The Annual Convention of Scottish Kilt Manufacturers. She was booked to perform a 45 minute concert and afterwards mingle with the businessmen, signing autographs, talking about the dangers...
Read full storyOur Man In Kabulshit Booted Out 'On Obama's Orders'
London - (Tora Bora): Veteran Foreign Orifice jobsworth Sherard Cowper Coles was booted out on his arse today. A highly dubious role as Our Man In Kabulshit apparently got up Barack Obama's nose after years of disastrous intelligence howlers.
Read full storyFrank Sidebottom bows his big head for the last time
The legendary funny man from Timperley with the paper mache head, Frank Sidebottom, has sadly passed away. On an unusually hot day in Timperley, Frank had just had a conversation with Little Frank about how Altringham FC's star striker, Chris Seni...
Read full storyAmanda Bynes, 24, Announces She is Retiring From Acting - Ah Was Amanda Bynes An Actress?
KEYSTONE, South Dakota - Amanda Bynes was visiting one of the most well-known attractions in both Dakotas, Mount Rushmore. She pointed out that she is a huge fan of Theodore Roosevelt. She smiled and remarked, George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, a...
Read full storyOver 65's qualify for free Nintendo Wii games and free slippers PLUS statistics on euthanasia - in Holland. THIS ARTICLE INCLUDES AN ONLINE SURVEY GIVEN TO SPOOF WRITERS ON THE SUBJECT OF STATISTICS
Councils, in England, are providing free Nintendo games and new slippers to OAP to reduce the number of falls suffered by the old codgers. Codgers can trade in their old tatty, stinky slippers and get a new pair for two quid. Councils are committed to providing the best possible care for their older citizens. They believe that getting the 'oldies' up and moving more, will go a long way to help...
Read full storyUnited States Issues Travel Alert to -- Toronto?
Toronto, Ontario - It's not every day you see a travel alert issued for one of the safest cities in one of the safest countries in the world, but that is what the United States State Department did and the Canadians are none too happy about the desig...
Read full storyA Pitcher Paints a Thousand Words
The local art community has gone wild - but enough about the outbreak of Mad Cow Disease at the local art gallery. Today, the community has been stunned by the talents of local Grimwich Town baseball player Kevin Arsepipe, who learned to write us...
Read full storyAncient croonies Simon & Garfunkel cancel comeback tour because their fans are all dead!
Those ancient croonies from way back when, Simon & Garfunkel, have decided to cancel their comeback tour because most of their fans are dead or deaf! After doing a telly special and receiving rapturous reviews Simon & Garf decided to hit t...
Read full storyJon Venables To Appear In Court On Child Pornography Charges Amid Outrage
Jon Venables, the convicted killer of little Jamie Bulger is to appear at the Old Bailey on charges of downloading child pornography in breach of bail conditions. Sparking a furious response from observers and the public. "This bloke was releas...
Read full storyAmericans Blame Oil Spill On Black Cat In White House
Even though it wasn't Obama's fault that an oil rig blew up in the Gulf, that he inherited two wars and a great recession, fair minded Americans are beginning to think that he is responsible for the bad luck that follows him around like a cloud; the...
Read full storyJamie Bulger killer is offered role of Peter Pan because he loves children so much!
The child killer of Jamie Bulger was released from prison, given a new identity and he promised never to be a "bad boy" again. Jon Venables it seems never grew up and has shown his love of children by downloading slightly dubious images from kiddi...
Read full storyKim Jong Il Punishes North Koreans, Makes Them Watch Soccer Match with Portugal Live
Pyongyang, North Korea - The North Korean government struck an agreement with the Asia-Pacific Broadcasting Union to beam a live broadcast of the soccer game on Monday of the match between North Korea and Portugal. But instead of this being a time to...
Read full storyU.S. Claims Gulf As Giant Oil Reserve
The U.S. today decreed the Gulf of Mexico be made into the Southern National Petroleum Reserve and will fall under the jurisdiction of the U.S. Military. Much like the little known National Petroleum Reserve that occupies most of northern Alaska adja...
Read full storyLocal Man 'Utterly Knackered'
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, currently recuperating from a split eyebrow and a broken thumb as a result of being a dopey twonk and not looking where he was going, today announced that he was, "utterly knackered" despite having done very little, if...
Read full storyJon Venables 'hung out to dry' over paedo pics
London - (Reuterus): CPS sources have vehemently denied that James Bulger's convicted killer has already been tried and found guilty by a redtop media hellbent on prejudging complex criminal issues. But defence barristers have said they fear Jon...
Read full storySandra Bullock's Coming Home To Papa: Jesse James
Jesse James, the notorious husband of Sandra Bullock, has been telling everyone that he and Sandra are getting back together and that there will be no $200-300 million dollar settlement. James, who has admitted several times to cheating on his wif...
Read full storySpoof Vagina Stories A Smash Hit With Gynaecologists
The ever present rash of vagina stories, long a staple feature on the satirical website TheSpoof.com may not be popular in all quarters, but, somewhat surprisingly, members of the National Gynaecological Society in the UK have voted the articles a sm...
Read full storyElectronic tagging for tennis players
Management at one of the best tennis clubs in the world, Aspria, has proved itself unable to enforce club rules about tennis court occupation, so they are now moving to electronic tagging. Management chose tagging, a form of surveillance consist...
Read full storyJoran Van der Sloot Retracts Peru Confession
It seems that suspected double-murderer and sociopath, Joran van der Sloot can't make his mind up about whether he really is a killer or not. Van der Sloot has confessed to killing US citizen Natalee Holloway in Aruba, and Stephany Flores in a Lim...
Read full storyBudget Massacre Feared
The whole country is trembling at the thought of George Osborne's Budget Statement. 'I don't want anyone to panic' said George beaming 'but we have been left with the worst deficit since 1958, when England last left the World Cup in the First Roun...
Read full storyJoran Van der Sloot - Rats Invade My Cell At Night
Joran Van der Sloot, currently in solitary confinement in a Lima, Peru, prison on suspicion of murdering Stephany Flores in a hotel room has been complaining about conditions in the prison to the Dutch press. Dutch reporter Aarhuis De Grootengronk...
Read full storyBuzz Aldrin: "I was the first man to wank on the moon"
Buzz Aldrin has lived for the last 40 years with the knowledge that he was only the second man to walk on the moon, after fellow astronaut Neil Armstrong. But in an exclusive interview with "Jizz" magazine, the monthly journal about masturbation, he...
Read full storyJ Clifford Baxter copycat suicide fears as Wall Street dubs Tony Hayward 'BP's Jeff Skilling''
New York - (Off-the-Wall-Street): The January 2002 tragedy that saw beleaguered Enron Corpse executive J Clifford Baxter committ suicide in a Sugar Land, Texas parking lot is rearing its ugly head once again. Big Oil traders fear a sinister twist...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Out-Raunches Katy Perry At Music Awards
"Well she was just seventeen, you know what I mean and the way she looked was waaaaaaay beyond compare." Miley Cyrus wore very little at the MuchMusic Video Awards in Canada last night. She managed to uncover even more than Katy Perry who was showing...
Read full storyFrench Prisoners are eating their cellmates; it's cannibalism of the condemned
French prisoners are reportedly eating their cellmates in protest against the deplorable canteen food. One prisoner, in Rouen, France, killed his cellmate then sliced him open using a razor blade. He then removed a rib to reach an organ, which he...
Read full storyButcher sues sign writer
Arsene Cockbottom, master pork butcher of Scunthorpe has taken his sign writer, Justin Theole, to court, after receiving back his tariff of charges from the printers, claiming that it is nothing like what he asked for, and does not want to pay his bi...
Read full storyEngland football team in catch phrase shenanigans
After Wayne Rooney's rant at the TV cameras evidence shows the whole England team have a wager on who can say the most catch phrases on TV. We understand Rooney is in the lead after Friday when he was heard to say at the end of the game 'Nice to s...
Read full storyOzzy Osbourne has his DNA sequenced
The self styled Prince of Darkness, Ozzy Osbourne has had his genome sequenced, joining a very select band of people. The intention is to see what kind of genetic changes have allowed him to still be alive despite decades of substance abuse. Whils...
Read full storyFree Nelson Mandela, Free Pavlos Joseph!
Robben Island, South African World Cup: In a story reminiscent of the ''Smithy'' sketch performed by James Corden, in which the comedian tries to encourage the England players, Pavlos Joseph, 32, from Crystal Palace, south-east London, is staying at...
Read full storyArse or Ass for England manager?
The call to Arsenal manager, Arsene Wenger, to take over from Fabio Capello as England manager, because Capello is a foreigner who doesn't understand English ways, has not had a response. This intrepid reporter knows why! Arsene uses the word a...
Read full storyThe 20 Thousand Dollar Lost Dog
An Australian man offered a reward for the return of his nine year old staffy cross, but get this, 20 thousand dollars cash for its return. The dog disappeared on the Gold Coast. The owner said he was beside himself with worry and wanted his b...
Read full storyBeer is so good for you it ought to be compulsory, claims an independent study published by a beer institute.
Beer is so good for you it ought to be compulsory, claims an independent study published by a beer institute. Beer drinkers are celebrating with a pint of their favourite tipple as an independent report has shown that beer is one of the healthiest...
Read full storyWayne Rooney "In Tears After Algeria Game"
Manchester United and England striker Wayne Rooney was said to be "in tears" after the team's disappointing 0-0 draw with Algeria on Friday night - a result that left England on the verge of expulsion from the World Cup. Rooney was upset by the bo...
Read full storyLouisiana Gets the Almighty Blow-off: Pillar of Fire in Gulf Quotes Pontius Pilate
NEW ORLEANS, Louisiana - Mixing church and state had explosive results when senators in Louisiana designated Sunday as a day of prayer dedicated to "finally putting an end to the disastrous Gulf of Mexico oil spill, for Pete's sake," according to sta...
Read full storyFIFA gets on its high horse
Pyongyang, North Korea. It is reported here today that North Korean football officials have been approached by delegates from FIFA and asked to surrender all their nuclear weapons, suggesting that FIFA now sees itself as a quasi United Nations organi...
Read full storyThe Miley Cyrus Anatomically Correct Action Figure Doll Is Flying Off The Shelves
CHICAGO - The Hasbroken Toy Company is reporting that their latest toy, The Miley Cyrus Anatomically Correct Action Figure Doll is literally flying off the department store shelves. Wal-Mart says that they ordered 9 million of the dolls and they s...
Read full storyLady Gaga Says "Enjoy My Sweet Singing Voice and Ignore My Penis (If I Did In Fact Have A Penis)"
DETROIT - Lady Gaga was in Detroit seeing about ordering a custom made 2010 Lamborghini Murcielago with all the trimmings. She told a representative for Lucky Louie's Lamborghini Dealership that she is willing to spend up to $1 million on the vehi...
Read full storyAir France Refuses To Carry France Squad
The scandal that has engulfed the France World Cup squad entered new territory this afternoon as the French national airline, Air France, refused to carry the team back to France. The decision by the French FA to withdraw from the World Cup has no...
Read full storySouth African Zulus Surround Johannesburg
There were some nervous faces around the South African capital of Johannesburg this morning, as reports came in that Zulu forces, numbering more than 120,000, were taking up positions on the outskirts of the city. The Zulus, the same ones that wer...
Read full storyGay Mississippi teen to meet Obama at White House this Tuesday
WASHINGTON D.C. (ABSNN) -- Constance McMillen, an 18-year-old lesbian at the center of a controversial cancellation of her high school prom, will meet President Obama at the White House on Tuesday at a reception for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transge...
Read full storyBonnie Hunt Fired From Talk Show, Will Be Replaced with Revolving Hosts.
Bonnie Hunt, some lady who said something funny once, has been fired from her talk show. "The Bonnie Hunt Vapid Dialogue Show," syndicated into 53 markets and watched by dozens of people each week, will not be cancelled. Instead, producers announc...
Read full storySwedish Royal Wedding Turned into Exercise Class
When a Swedish princess married a gym owner on Saturday, some of the details of the nuptials were kept hush-hush. Fortunately, Spoof writer Gail Farrelly was able to sneak into the Stockholm Cathedral and provide a first-hand report. According to F...
Read full storyFrance World Cup Over
In the last few minutes, it has emerged from South Africa that the France World Cup squad is to leave the country and the tournament, BEFORE the team's last Group A game with hosts South Africa on Tuesday. The news comes close on the heels of a fa...
Read full storyWayne Rooney - Fabio Capello Is His REAL DAD!
The Manchester United and England striker Wayne Rooney shocked the whole of the football world this morning when it emerged that the England team coach, Fabio Capello, is his REAL DAD! Further details are unavailable, due, primarily, to the fact t...
Read full storyEngland Team In The Toilet?
The England fan who caused a security alert when he wandered into the team's dressing room after their goalless draw with Algeria at the World Cup says he was only looking for the toilet. Fan Pavlos Joseph, managed to evade heavy security by using...
Read full storyNicolas Anelka To Be Sent To Devil's Island
Disgraced France football star Nicolas Anelka is preparing this morning to set sail for French Guiana aboard a prison ship bound for the penal colony of Devil's Island. The island is the place to where Hollywood stars Steve McQueen - wrongly accus...
Read full storyFabio Capello Quits
England coach Fabio Capello has quit his post. The sensational news hit the airwaves this morning after a turbulent weekend at the England camp, at the end of a week which saw the national team held by the USA and Algeria, and the Italian is said...
Read full storyNew Zealand New Favourites To Win World Cup
Footballing minnows, New Zealand, last night emerged as the new favourites to win the World Cup after their hard-fought and well-deserved point in their 1-1 draw with current world champions Italy in Nelspruit. The workmanlike Kiwis staked their c...
Read full storyObama Must Return Nobel Peace Prize According To Committee
Thorbjorn Jagland, head of the Nobel Peace Prize Committee has sent an official notice to the White House, asking that the Obama Prize for 2009 be returned. "Since the President gave the money he received to charity, we are not asking for its retu...
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