GLASGOW, Scotland - Leona Lewis was in Glasgow to perform at The Annual Convention of Scottish Kilt Manufacturers. She was booked to perform a 45 minute concert and afterwards mingle with the businessmen, signing autographs, talking about the dangers of book signing events, and explaining exactly what her ethnic background is.
Lewis and her boyfriend Lou Al-Chamaa have been dating since she was ten. Lou has said that Leona was ten but she looked twelve.
The Islington London native won the 2006 X Factor reality show by easily blowing away the competition including The Fiffaletti Sisters from East Ham, who juggled bowling balls, marbles, condoms, and M&Ms while dressed in see thru halters, Nazi World War II helmets, and no knickers.
The Fiffaletti Sisters finished third behind the second place finisher, Agatha Prattshire, an 89-year-old songstress from Kew, who looked exactly like Susan Boyle but who sadly sang like Osama Bin Laden, way, way off key.
The voting public took a liking to Aggie because they felt sorry for her due to the fact that she had three ears.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: And all three ears worked.]
Leona says that she has become tired of touring. She loved the fact that her boyfriend traveled with her on most occasions but he said that he is tired of room service, so many different accents, and having his crotch frisked at airports.
Lou told Leona that he was going to go to South Africa to see the World Cup matches. She told him that she did not want him to go. He told her that he was the one that had the balls in the relationship and that he was going to go.
She told him that he may have the balls but she had the vagina and one vagina trumps two balls. He asked her where the hell she had read that. She smiled and said that she read it in a love letter he had written to her when she was 12.
SIDENOTE: Lou went to the World Cup Finals and now Leona is looking around for a new boyfriend to trump.
