Written by Lady Godiva

Monday, 21 June 2010

image for Over 65's qualify for free Nintendo Wii games and free slippers PLUS statistics on euthanasia - in Holland. THIS ARTICLE INCLUDES AN ONLINE SURVEY GIVEN TO SPOOF WRITERS ON THE SUBJECT OF STATISTICS
A statistic

Councils, in England, are providing free Nintendo games and new slippers to OAP to reduce the number of falls suffered by the old codgers. Codgers can trade in their old tatty, stinky slippers and get a new pair for two quid.

Councils are committed to providing the best possible care for their older citizens. They believe that getting the 'oldies' up and moving more, will go a long way to helping them regain their balance.

Cross-dressing OAP's will NOT be discriminated against during the 'slipper swap'. The 'male' OAP's who enjoy wearing fluffy mules, will not be disappointed. The 'swap' can be 'descreetly' carried out - although - as these codgers wear them on a daily basis in their nursing homes, the discretion offered is rather a dumb idea.

It is hoped, by this 'aging' writer, that when I reach 65 I will have a choice of Wii games and slippers. I don't want to be palmed off with 2nd hand crap Wii games that could 'crash at any minute' or 'really ugly slippers'. I'd rather run the risk of falling and breaking a hip or two, than wear those plaid slippers or the ones with the full foot and fur all around the 'neck'.

I read, in the same publication, that Euthanasia cases in Holland have risen by 13 per cent a year.

So book early!

Personally I find the fact that the percentage has increased, rather ridiculous since these are a different 2,636 Dutch people killed than the 2,331 reported 'killed' in 2008 - which happened to be a rise of l0 per cent on 2007.

You've guessed! I HATE STATISTICS! I NEVER WANT TO BE ONE. I'm not the only one either. I did an online survey of Spoof Writers and the survey shows:

15% of them don't believe in statistics,

25% of them don't know what the word 'statistic' means,

49% of them told me to go and 'shove your survey where the sun don't shine',

The remaining 11% wouldn't get their butts off their computer chairs to spare a few seconds to answer my question. (I think that they were just too drunk to stand up, personally, but don't quote me on that.)

Go figure! I thought I was amongst friends here!!!!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Old People

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