Frank Sidebottom bows his big head for the last time

Funny story written by Bill Licks

Monday, 21 June 2010

image for Frank Sidebottom bows his big head for the last time
RIP Frank - You'll be missed

The legendary funny man from Timperley with the paper mache head, Frank Sidebottom, has sadly passed away.

On an unusually hot day in Timperley, Frank had just had a conversation with Little Frank about how Altringham FC's star striker, Chris Senior, could do a better job upfront for England than Emile Heskey. Little Frank disagreed as he believed Senior's poor disciplinary record last season (6 yellows and 1 red card) would jeopardise England's chances especially as the referees were so 'card happy' in this World Cup.

Frank reacted by making Little Frank sit with his back to the television when Countdown was on so Frank had the advantage of seeing the letters drawn out while Little Frank had to guess.

At halftime the Countdown score was 12 points to 36 in Little Franks favour so Frank decided to take a break and clear his head by going to sit in the back garden. The temperature was nearly 20 degrees Celsius and the sun shone brighter in Timperley than it had all year.

Frank wanted to close his eyes, but he couldn't so he took out his handkerchief and laid it on top of his paper mache head so it covered his big blue eyes.

Frank fell asleep.

Little Frank became concerned when Deal or No Deal had started and Frank had still not returned to the sitting room. He clambered down from the sofa and wandered through the kitchen into the back garden where he saw Frank relaxing in his sun lounger.

'Frank' he cried. 'Frank, are you ok?'

But unusually Frank didn't reply.

'Frank' he said a little louder and tugged at his sleeve.

Frank still didn't respond then Little Frank looked up towards Frank's giant paper mache head.

It looked unusually dry and a crack had started to form across the middle where the sun had been beating down on it for the past hour.

'Oh no' said Little Frank, 'I think Frank's spent too long in the sun. He knew his paper mache head wasn't heat resistant, I told him that after he got it stuck in the oven once when he was trying to retrieve an oven chip from that had fallen off the baking tray.'

'Please don't leave me like this' the little puppet sobbed. 'You were my best friend and you'd always cheer me up when I was down. Does this mean I'll have to leave your head out for recycling when the bin man comes on Thursday?'

Chris Sievey creator of Frank Sidebottom died today aged 54. His desire to make people laugh and passion for football will be missed by all his friends, family and fans.

You know he will, he really will.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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