In an unprecedented move, Buckingham Palace has decreed that the All-England Tennis Championship - Wimbledon - is to be cancelled.
Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth was to have attended the championship for the first time is 138 years - but the news broke that fiery young Scot, Andy Murray, might not bow to the Queen as he entered and left centre court after a predictable sound thrashing by some Estonian upstart.
The Queen, God Bless Her, was "not amused" and has communicated her displeasure to Murray's tennis-fiend mother.
It is speculated that the long Scots streak of piss may reconsider his ill-mannered, boorish lack of courtesy to his Sovereign, as it is traditional for Wimbledon winners to be made CBE.
In a surprise move, Wimbledon strawberry vendors have agreed to charge only £7 per strawberry and to throw in the cream if nobody shouts "come on Tim" for the duration of the tournament. Assuming that is, that Her Majesty can be persuaded to reconsider.
"Come on Ma'am"!.
