Louisiana State Senate: "This Oil Spill Will Now Cease, by God!"

Funny story written by funwithwords

Monday, 21 June 2010

image for Louisiana State Senate: "This Oil Spill Will Now Cease, by God!"
Senator Adley: Moving God

Update, Yet another Day of Prayer has been declared for June 27, 2010, in both Louisiana and Texas as the first Day of Prayer failed to produce results

Update #2, July 13, 2010. God still refuses to be swayed by mass prayer, even those pleas by pious political types. Oil continues spewing unabated, yet rest assured, politicians everywhere, particularly Republicans, are still desperately plotting a way to prove their God worthy as a last resort.


Baton Rouge -- In the latest attempt at stemming the flow of oil in the Gulf of Mexico, the Louisiana State Senate passed SR 145 mere days ago in a supreme bid to will an end to the suffering and punishment their Lord, 60 or so days ago, had apparently determined as appropriate.

Sen. Robert Adley, a Republican from Benton, won unanimous approval of the resolution last week. The resolution declares, in part, June 20, 2010 as a:

"Statewide Day of Prayer,
for Louisiana and for the population and region surrounding the Gulf of Mexico..."

In a statement released shortly after passage of the resolution on June 16, Senator Adley urged citizens to "join together for statewide day of prayer Sunday."

Although Sunday has passed, and yet the oil leak hasn't abated, the Senator seemed upbeat on Monday.

"I feel confident that together, and despite President Obama's ineptness, the people affected by this tragedy will rise up and play an instrumental role in fixing it," Adley stated. "The problem in the past was not enough people praying," he said. "See, God doesn't really listen to just one person, but he will take notice if we annoy the hell out him with thousands upon thousands of requests all centered on one day," he explained intelligently.

Others agreed.

"Sometimes it takes a bit of authority to move God," another Louisiana Senator explained. "So, if we, as authority figures, can rouse enough of the populous up, and politely demand a solution, then perhaps God will take a second look at the situation. Nobody likes to be hated, not even God."

However, some wonder if the day of prayer declaration was a good idea at all.

"If people want to pray, let 'em pray," one Louisiana native stated. "I know my mother-in-law has been praying for a fix since day one, so, it's all good," he continued, "and my brother, and my sister, and my cousins, and -- well fuck, the entire Gulf coast at least for crying out loud, not that it's helped anything," he noted with a hint of frustration.

Yet another skeptic suggested a more cynical motive to the resolution.

"Well, of course the leak didn't stop yesterday, during mass prayer, now did it?" the pedestrian in downtown Baton Rouge remarked with sly grin. "But it will stop someday, and when it does, you can bet your rear-end the State Senate of Louisiana, and in particular, genius Republican Senator, Robert Adley, will be the first in line accepting credit!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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