Written by Skoob1999

Monday, 21 June 2010

image for Joran Van der Sloot - Rats Invade My Cell At Night
The Bike Riding Rat Taking A Nap After A Hard Night's Pedalling.

Joran Van der Sloot, currently in solitary confinement in a Lima, Peru, prison on suspicion of murdering Stephany Flores in a hotel room has been complaining about conditions in the prison to the Dutch press.

Dutch reporter Aarhuis De Grootengronke, who spoke to van der Sloot on the phone told us that the murder suspect had complained to him that he was losing weight because the food was so bad, and that he couldn't watch decent TV coverage of the World Cup soccer tournament in his cell.

Van der Sloot described visiting the cell block showers as "a painful experience" even though he rarely dropped the soap.

Van der Sloot was particularly scathing about the rats which invade his cell at night in numbers via the toilet bowl, making sleep virtually impossible. He claimed that the rats crawl over his face and try to squirm up his butt, even claiming that one of the rats comes out with a little 'rat bicycle' which it it pedals around the cell all night, continually ringing a little rat cycle bell.

Another rat was said to constantly taunt van der Sloot by telling him that his butt-hole will soon be wide enough to accommodate eight or nine entire rat families. Then there is the so-called 'religious rat' which carries a Bible and constantly recites out loud the gospel of St Mark in an attempt to get the murder suspect to repent.

Van der Sloot denies any involvement in the murders of Stephany Flores and US citizen Natalee Holloway, who disappeared in Aruba five years ago.

No reason for us to disbelieve the rat stories then.

More as we get it.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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