Miley Cyrus Yells At Her Critics: "Hey Y'all I'm Better Than Gaga, Britney, Jessica, Christina, and Ke$ha All Put Together"

Funny story: Miley Cyrus Yells At Her Critics: "Hey Y'all I'm Better Than Gaga, Britney, Jessica, Christina, and Ke$ha All Put Together"

TULSA, Oklahoma - Miley Cyrus was in town performing at The Sooner or Later Arena. The sold out crowd of 82,093, went wild for the girl who until recently was simply known as Hannah Montana, and who is now being referred to as Hohanna. Miley says...

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Kim Cattrall: "No More Nude Scenes." World: "Thank God!"

Funny story: Kim Cattrall: "No More Nude Scenes." World: "Thank God!"

Kim Cattrall has promised she will no longer remove her clothes for sex scenes now that she is in her eighties - insisting she will stay covered up from now on. The 88 year old became famous for her saucy role as Samantha Jones in the "Sex and the...

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For a Happier Husband, Treat Him Like a Dog

Funny story: For a Happier Husband, Treat Him Like a Dog

LONG ISLAND, New York - Ladies, do you greet your companion with excitement every day, overlook his flaws, and forgive his bad behavior? If the companion in question is a dog, the answer is probably yes, but if it's your spouse, the answer is more li...

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Homeless Man banned from NHS given Asbo

Funny story: Homeless Man banned from NHS given Asbo

A homeless man has been given a criminal Asbo, as he is an expert at faking illness, to be able to stay in Hospital; the fraud has cost the NHS tens of thousands of pounds. Christopher Dearlove, 41, used more than 70 aliases to trick NHS staff int...

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Rue McClanahan Dead: Jokes About Her Ancient Vagina Will Live On

Funny story: Rue McClanahan Dead: Jokes About Her Ancient Vagina Will Live On

Former Golden Girl Rue McClanahan has passed away at age 76. Rue, the Samantha Jones of the geriatric set, achieved room temperature via stroke at 1 AM today, according to her manager. Interestingly, Mcclanahan and Sex and the City star Kim C...

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Howie Mandel, The New Judge On America's Got Talent Has Been Fined For Accidentally Hitting The X-Buzzer A Bunch

Funny story: Howie Mandel, The New Judge On America's Got Talent Has Been Fined For Accidentally Hitting The X-Buzzer A Bunch

HOLLYWOOD - The new kid (judge) on the block, Howie Mandel, has already been welcomed big time by having a $3,000 fine levied on him by the producer of the hit reality show America's Got Talent. AGT Producer Wyatt McViolin, stated that he hated to...

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Gary Coleman's Ex: She's not just smart, she's K-Mart smart.

Funny story: Gary Coleman's Ex: She's not just smart, she's K-Mart smart.

Gary Coleman's moronic ex-wife, Shannon Price, says she pulled the plug on his life support to avoid "a Muhammad Ali situation" In an interview with TMZ shot the day after he died, the red-headed dimwit explained how a brain hemmorhage would've t...

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French Gays Told To "Come As You Are" - New McDonald's Campaign

Funny story: French Gays Told To "Come As You Are" - New McDonald's Campaign

Come as you are is a French advertising campaign being used by McDonald's in an attempt to lure the young gay buffed boys and parents into their stores. Like me, if you're gay, you'll spend a life time trying to keep up with the Matthews, Lukes an...

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"You're more likely to get run-over than get a mortgage" admit banks

Funny story: "You're more likely to get run-over than get a mortgage" admit banks

A leading high street lender has admitted you are more likely to be run over than get a mortgage approved with their bank, and only slightly less likely to die in the bath. Banks appear to be 'advertising their wares' more than ever but an insider...

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Collosal Squid hampers Deepwater Horizon rescue

Funny story: Collosal Squid hampers Deepwater Horizon rescue

Gulff Mexico - (Fishy Tales): The 66ft invertebrate, Mesonychoteuthis hamiltoni, was seen menacing BP's ruptured Deepwater Horizon wellhead as a new containment cap was being lowered by underwater robots. The abyssal gigantist was spotted near the...

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Educators Flee From Financial Fate

Funny story: Educators Flee From Financial Fate

In recent months, many schools across the UK are finding their historical build, and engraved memories - which may perhaps be recognised as Graffiti - to be frowned upon. Therefore, councils have deemed it absolutely necessary that a vast abundance o...

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Heathrow braves blaze

Funny story: Heathrow braves blaze

A fire burst into flames this morning at a site near to Heathrow airport. This latest incident comes amidst BA's crisis talks with the Unite union and staff's continued walkouts. Willie Walsh is said to be fuming over yet another setback for the...

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All parties admit election slogans were a "running joke"

Funny story: All parties admit election slogans were a "running joke"

All the main parties including the incumbent government have admitted their slogans were not worth the envelopes they were scribbled on. One MP, estimating he could make a cool £1m over the next term scoffed "What is change anyway? Hitler was 'cha...

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Fleeing van der Sloot Detained in Chile: Claims He's Innocent Because He's Gay!

Joran van der Sloot was apprehended in Chile today after a world wide Interpol alert was issued concerning the death of a 21 year old Peruvian woman found dead in a motel room with a broken neck shortly after she was seen with the Dutch Sociopath.

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BP Asks Greeks to Shave Back Hair to Aid Gulf Disaster

Funny story: BP Asks Greeks to Shave Back Hair to Aid Gulf Disaster

Athens, Greece - Greece's debt burden is so excessive that the country is looking at every alternative to reduce their burden. With the concurrence from the European Union, Greece has decided to mandate all citizens to shave their back hair daily for...

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How Can Cumbria Cope With Carnage Trauma?

Funny story: How Can Cumbria Cope With Carnage Trauma?

A remote part of England has been changed for ever, after being dragged into the 21st century of death and destruction, writes Ayma Salivating-Sickevulture, Atrocity Correspondent. This rural county of Northern Britain, formerly famous for its lak...

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Six loony male Martians are locked up for 18 months in an experiment to find out if Mars is still "gay free"

Funny story: Six loony male Martians are locked up for 18 months in an experiment to find out if Mars is still "gay free"

Six male Martians have volunteered to be locked up in a space module for 18 months without women and any contact to the outside world, apart from E Males (what?). This experiment is to found out how human males react after being isolated in a spac...

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Angelina Jolie to tackle BP oil spill

Funny story: Angelina Jolie to tackle BP oil spill

In their latest attempt to stop the oil leak off the Louisiana coast, BP have recruited Angelina Jolie. Previous attempts have involved using robot divers, giant plugs, industrial size sanitary towels and trained starfish. A BP spokesman said, "We...

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Golden Girl Rue McClanahan Dies, Betty White Wins Tontine

Funny story: Golden Girl Rue McClanahan Dies, Betty White Wins Tontine

Golden Girl Rue McClanahan has died at the age of 76. That makes actress, Betty White the last of the Golden Girls and winner of at least a million dollar tontine. The tontine is named after a banker named Lorenzo de Tonti, who invented it in Fran...

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Charlie Sheen Headed To A Colorado Hoosegow: The Producers Will Change The Show's Name To "One And A Half Men And One Convict"

Funny story: Charlie Sheen Headed To A Colorado Hoosegow: The Producers Will Change The Show's Name To "One And A Half Men And One Convict"

HOLLYWOOD - Well the "Bad Boy" reputation has finally caught up with Charlie "Drinky Poo" Sheen. A Colorado judge has sentenced poor little 'Carlitos' to serve 30 days in the Pikes Peak Penitentiary located in the Rocky Mountains on the west end...

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Vodka Falls off Wagon Killing Teetotaler In NY Factory Accident!

Funny story: Vodka Falls off Wagon Killing Teetotaler In NY Factory Accident!

In a tragic accident today, a 39 year old factory worker was killed when crushed by two pallets of Vodka Sauce that fell on him while he was checking the alcohol content in the designer spaghetti sauce canned on his shift. Co workers lamented t...

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Kate Gosselin's Hairdresser Wants to Give Willie Nelson a Makeover

Funny story: Kate Gosselin's Hairdresser Wants to Give Willie Nelson a Makeover

"Oh my good Lord in Heaven have mercy on my soul," was the reaction from one of the hair stylists at Kate Gosselin's old hairdresser salon in Pennsylvania. "Who the hell did that to him?" When they found out that Willie, himself, took the scissors...

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President Obama Eats Only Compimentary Breakfasts

Washington - Robert Gibbs confirmed yesterday that President Obama does prefer complimentary breakfasts as opposed to those conventional meals that speak no compliments. "[Non-complimentary breakfasts] offer little value of his particular needs,"...

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SOLVED! Gordon Brown's Gold Sell Off to Consortium Revealed as US Starts Minting Coins with Obama's Likeness!

Funny story: SOLVED! Gordon Brown's Gold Sell Off to Consortium Revealed as US Starts Minting Coins with Obama's Likeness!

With the eviction of Gordon Brown from #10, financial forensic investigators have been looking into the former Treasury Minister's decision to sell off 60% of the realm's bullion at rock bottom prices, costing the country over $2.5B in potential incr...

Read full story View 'SOLVED! Gordon Brown's Gold Sell Off to Consortium Revealed as US Starts Minting Coins with Obama's Likeness!'

Gaza flotilla massacre 'may have gone to Derrick Bird's head'

Funny story: Gaza flotilla massacre 'may have gone to Derrick Bird's head'

Cumbria - (OMG!): Did footage of last weekend's Israeli bloodbath raid on a Gaza aid flotilla trigger Cumbria's own horrendous carnage yesterday? Pals of deranged Whitehaven shooter Derrick Bird said today the 52 year-old cabbie had 'watched with...

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Heidi Montag Tests Positive For Plastic

Funny story: Heidi Montag Tests Positive For Plastic

WEST HOLLYWOOD - Heidi Montag, the ex-Playboy model, went in for her weekly checkup and the results of her tests all showed signs of plastic. Her physician, Dr. Martin Titusquarts, is of course not surprised as he is responsible for putting about...

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Rooney Sensationally Ruled Out Of World Cup

Funny story: Rooney Sensationally Ruled Out Of World Cup

Veteran US actor Mickey Rooney has been sensationally forced to rule himself out of contention for the American squad for this summer's World Cup in South Africa. Rooney, 89, pulled up heavily in training clutching his metatarsal after an accident...

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GOP Political Mouthpiece Rush Limbaugh Is Getting Married...(To A Woman!)

Funny story: GOP Political Mouthpiece Rush Limbaugh Is Getting Married...(To A Woman!)

CARIBOU, Maine - Long time radio and TV political commentator, raconteur, ranter, and raver Rush Limbaugh was in Caribou speaking to a gathering of the town's Republicans For A Richer America. He told the crowd of 17 that he has decided to get hitche...

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Epsom Derby favorite Jan Vermeer 'is jinxed' says online betting site

Funny story: Epsom Derby favorite Jan Vermeer 'is jinxed' says online betting site

Epsom Downs - (Whorsewhisperers): Hold all those ante-post bets! That's the word straight from the whorse's mouth as Epsom Derby favorite Jan Vermeer's Blue Riband glory bid started unravelling today. Named after a renowned Dutch painter the shor...

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Tipper Gore Wants to Give Tony Hayward his Life Back

Funny story: Tipper Gore Wants to Give Tony Hayward his Life Back

Sometimes people who are caught in relationships that put such a stranglehold on who they are start to want for something completely opposite. Case in point, Tipper Gore. For decades, she has been married to Al Gore, a quiet, unassuming man who assum...

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Napitalano: I'm Now In Charge of the Internet...Spoofers Be Very Afraid!

Funny story: Napitalano: I'm Now In Charge of the Internet...Spoofers Be Very Afraid!

The US Senate announced today that their new internet control bill will place Homeland Security Chief and Pants Suit Maven Janet Napitalano in charge of 'throwing the switch' at her discretion to protect 'the integrity of the government. (sic) Na...

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Using Penis Enhancement Products, Migraine Sufferers, Have Greater Stroke Risk

Funny story: Using Penis Enhancement Products, Migraine Sufferers, Have Greater Stroke Risk

People who have migraines and men who use penis-helpers are more likely to suffer a stroke says a new report, after examining over 20 'private' studies. "The migraine can cause blood vessels to shrink making a blood clot more likely to hit the bra...

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President Obama Declares War on Australia

Funny story: President Obama Declares War on Australia

American president Barack Obama has caused controversy by declaring war on Australia. At a heated press conference at the White House Obama told reporters: "What did Australia ever do for us? Sure they may have invented the didgeridoo, the kangaro...

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Sarah Ferguson Claims She Was Only Helping Out A Friend, Fat Fergy

Funny story: Sarah Ferguson Claims She Was Only Helping Out A Friend, Fat Fergy

Sarah Ferguson told reporters today that she was selling access to her ex, Prince Andrew, to help out a "friend". "She has gotten really fat and needed the money to go to a fat farm." She then stated that the friend hasn't spoken up yet and may...

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Gary Coleman Signed Power of Attorney After Head Injury

Funny story: Gary Coleman Signed Power of Attorney After Head Injury

Traditional news media is getting it wrong. No big shock. As every TV and radio news reader has stated, Gary Coleman gave his ex-wife Shannon Price permission to make medical choices for him -including life or death- according to the Utah hospital...

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British Airways Joke "Bin Laden" Commercial Goes Wrong

Funny story: British Airways Joke "Bin Laden" Commercial Goes Wrong

At a time when the word "British" automatically brings to mind, "BP Oil Spill" to most of the world, it's not exactly a great time for British Airways to release a commercial showing Osama Bin Laden easily getting on one of their planes. "That's a...

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New Eastern Med Cruise Craze

Funny story: New Eastern Med Cruise Craze

A new Turkish cruise line, Flotilla Cruises, believes it has hit upon the ideal holiday for credit-crunched holidaymakers and it seems to be making quite a splash. The line's MD, Mr Fud Ayd told us the secret behind the success: "Our boats...

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Letters to the Editor

Funny story: Letters to the Editor

Dear Madam (if indeed it is so), as a Welshman, it is with regret that I note that your esteemed publication fails to boast a section in the Welsh tongue. Could you perhaps consider the insertion of some Welsh tongue within your excellent parts? Failing that, perchance a translation of the whole or indeed again a subdivision thereof, notwithstanding the inevitable adulteration consequent to such...

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The Duchess of York (Sarah Ferguson) Speaks With The Queen of Chicago (Oprah Winfrey)

Funny story: The Duchess of York (Sarah Ferguson) Speaks With The Queen of Chicago (Oprah Winfrey)

CHICAGO - Sarah Ferguson, aka The Duchess of York, sat down with Oprah Winfrey at the Downtown Holiday Inn and spoke about her recent undercover sting operation. Ferguson, who claims to be on the verge of bankruptcy, was dressed in an outfit she s...

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Barney Frank On Israel Flap: I May Be Gay, But I'm Not Jewish, At Least Not Right Now!

Funny story: Barney Frank On Israel Flap: I May Be Gay, But I'm Not Jewish, At Least Not Right Now!

House Banking Chairman Barney Frank, the Democrat from Massachusetts, was forced to backtrack after stating that the US should look into the killing of 'innocents' during the firestorm created around the recent Israeli storming of a flotilla heading...

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"I want my Life Back" says BP CEO Tony Hayward

In a closing remark at a press conference over the Memorial Day weekend, Tony Hayward, CEO of the Bp Corporation declared, "I want my life back." Reaction was immediate across the USA as tens of thousands gathered to mourn the loss of Tony Hayward's...

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Galarraga's Perfect Game Thwarted by Hungry Umpire with Hot Dog

Funny story: Galarraga's Perfect Game Thwarted by Hungry Umpire with Hot Dog

While Detroit Tiger pitcher Armando Galarraga contemplated the loss of a perfect game on a bad call at first base, umpire Jim Joyce admitted having his vision temporarily blurred while taking a bit of his hot dog. Through nine innings with only on...

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Greta Van Susteren Flies to Chile to Discuss Yet Another Dead Girl with Joran van der Sloot!

Funny story: Greta Van Susteren Flies to Chile to Discuss Yet Another Dead Girl with Joran van der Sloot!

Talk show host Greta Van Susteren hopped the red eye yesterday as she hurried off to Chile in an attempt to interview Joran van der Sloot regarding yet another dead girl he left behind, although this one was found in plain sight! An all points bul...

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Charles hotfoots it to Cumbria in serendipitous PR bonanza

Funny story: Charles hotfoots it to Cumbria in serendipitous PR bonanza

London - (Rotters): Prince Charles was reported to be heading to the Lake District this morning to shore up a much needed PR coup. Clarence House sources said today HRH's presence in the Whitehaven area could restore morale and boost public confid...

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Derek Acorah's new golf clubs ruin his game

Funny story: Derek Acorah's new golf clubs ruin his game

Internationally renowned psychic medium and all round good egg, Derek Acorah, was fitted for new Golf Clubs earlier in the week. Having befriended Jimmy Tarbuck, despite the ex-comic not being dead or a celebrity, Acorah got into celebrity golf, a...

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Is Fran - "The Nanny" - Guilty Of Turning Ex Husband Gay?

Did Fran Drescher turn her ex-husband, Peter Marc Jacobson, Gay. While he's "out" there enjoying the life he never had with Fran, "The Nanny" star says she is in no way responsible for he turn in sexuality. Now, come on, after being together fo...

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Godzilla prescribes himself a course of drug stores

Funny story: Godzilla prescribes himself a course of drug stores

Godzilla, not seen on the shores of Japan for 25yrs, has re-emerged from the pacific abyss to cause chaos on the streets of Tokyo. The 1 million ton beast is thought to be responsible for the eating of about 200 cargo ships per annum with vessels...

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A marriage Gored: why Tipper split

Funny story: A marriage Gored: why Tipper split

After 40 years of marriage, Al and Tipper Gore are taking a little time apart to enjoy more personal space and rediscover themselves. Speculation runs wild as to what precipitated the separation. "He just didn't measure up to expectations," state...

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Cumbria carnage 'puts a bit of a dampener' on William engagement ploy

Funny story: Cumbria carnage 'puts a bit of a dampener' on William engagement ploy

London - (Killjoys): "Jolly bad form in Whitehaven, eh?" was the gist of a Palace statement this morning as lackeys struggled to spin a fairytale nuptial announcement in the light of Wednesday's Lake District gunshot massacre. Fawning sycophancy i...

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Unemployment: To wear pants or not to wear pants?

Funny story: Unemployment: To wear pants or not to wear pants?

This is a quandary that the Unemployed struggle with almost on a daily basis. The truth is if you have nowhere to go and no one expects anything of you, why put on pants? Why not lounge around in your underwear/pajamas all day since let's face it: no one is going to see you to judge your most deplorable state of undress. Now, there are some people who will tell you, "You should put on some pa...

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Judge to Let Model Hunt Down Jealous Skank

Funny story: Judge to Let Model Hunt Down Jealous Skank

NEW YORK CITY, New York - A model slammed in comments posted to an anonymous blog has the right to learn the identity of the crazy bitch who submitted them, a judge ruled Wednesday. In August 2008, a user of the Yoohoo! blogging service, Blogkhead...

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Glenn Beck Leads The World Into World War Three

Funny story: Glenn Beck Leads The World Into World War Three

Fox News reporter Glenn Beck brought the world closer to the brink of global conflict following his "in depth" analysis of the history of Israel, and the commando assault on the Gaza aid flotilla. In an almost inexplicable tirade against everythin...

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English soccer "WAGS" arrive in South Africa and protest because there are no luxury boutiques in Rustenburg, shock, horror!

English soccer 'Wags" (wives and girlfriends) renowned for their ability to spend, spend and spend even more have arrived in Rustenburg, South Africa and are completely devastated. No Gucci's, Cartiers, Dolce Cabana's luxury boutiques, etc, just p...

Read full story View 'English soccer "WAGS" arrive in South Africa and protest because there are no luxury boutiques in Rustenburg, shock, horror!'

Tipper to Receive Half of the Internet as Gores Divorce

Funny story: Tipper to Receive Half of the Internet as Gores Divorce

As the forty year relationship between Al and Tipper Gore comes to an end, the long and tedious task of dividing up the Internet between the two parties is underway. Tipper is requesting full control over the social side of web although did offer...

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Benedictine Condom-King's Body Found

Funny story: Benedictine Condom-King's Body Found

After an exhaustive search throughout The Netherlands, The Dutch police have discovered the body of Benedictine condom-king, Rameses Trojani, floating in a backwater canal in Amsterdam. The grisly discovery was made by a "painted woman" servicing a...

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Pointless Letters To The Editor

Funny story: Pointless Letters To The Editor

Sir It makes me really, REALLY angry that the judges on Britain's Got Talent are so homophobic. We had that drag queen who dressed up as Lady Gaga - he got short shrift, and then we had that bloke who mimed to a Madonna song with a shit dance. Admittedly, the Madonna impersonating bloke wasn't properly gay, but he still got voted off because they thought he was gay. I mean, COME ON! If that's n...

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Sarah Ferguson On Oprah - Unforgiven

Funny story: Sarah Ferguson On Oprah - Unforgiven

It seems that US audiences weren't fooled by Sarah Ferguson's excuses for accepting $40,000 for a meet with her ex-husband, Prince Andrew, on the Oprah show recently. By attempting to imply that she'd only accepted the access money in order to help o...

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Some Really Angry Letters To The Editor

Funny story: Some Really Angry Letters To The Editor

Sir Me and a few mates have hatched a really cunning plan. Because Israel won't apologise for shooting them there people on that aid boat, we're gonna get some helicopters to drop us on some of them illegal West Bank settlements, and when they attack us with sticks and barbecue tongs we'll shoot the bastards. That'll make 'em think twice in future. Nogga Dogg, Norris Green Sir It makes...

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Israeli water tainted with LSD

Funny story: Israeli water tainted with LSD

TEL-AVIV ISRAEL - A controversial report has been released by the IDF(Israeli Defense Forces) today, revealing that the drinking water of both the government and Armed forces of Israel have been heavily dosed with LSD. U.S. sources have double che...

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Tipper Gore: I Am No Longer Depressed

Funny story: Tipper Gore: I Am No Longer Depressed

Known to be suffering from depression for many years, Tipper Gore, who is now separated from Al Gore, says that it must have been being married to Al for all those years. "I can't believe how good I feel", she told a friend yesterday. "Can I se...

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Sandra Bullock Shows Her Uh, Class!

Funny story: Sandra Bullock Shows Her Uh, Class!

Sandra Bullock showed everyone why she is much liked and her ex husband Jesse James, much despised, by showing up last week to take her stepdaughter out for a special day for her birthday. Where was Jesse? Who knows? Well, probably at least one pe...

Read full story View 'Sandra Bullock Shows Her Uh, Class!'
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