There were 150 spoof news stories published in March 2017. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Drone Crashes Through Window, Lands in NY Apartment
Yikes! Are the aliens from outer space arriving? No, not yet, anyway. There's an interesting backstory here. A reporter from The Spoof, one skilled in talking and understanding "drone talk," has gotten the scoop from the nosy drone. Here's the skinny. Apparently the drone was flying near the apartment house when he noticed that one of the residents was watching the movie "Star Wars,"...
Read full storyCars 3 to Include First Gay Scene Between Two Cars
Cars 3, the third instalment of the highly popular Disney/Pixar Studios films about a bunch of racing cars, will feature the first gays scene between two cars in film history. In a move that will please liberals and shock republicans in equal meas...
Read full storyMarine Corps reveal photos reveal all
THE PENTAGON - Male Marines shared naked photographs of female Marines on a not-so-secret Facebook page. Allegedly, a few of the pictures were taken without the "models'" knowledge or consent. Captions to the photos included "obscene comments...
Read full storyGirl Steals Hat, Reveals Pope's Illuminati Tattoo
When adorable 3 year old Ester Ruth snatched Pope Francis' hat from his head outside of the Vatican, she also revealed a little known fact about the pontiff: Pope Francis has several tattoos including an Illuminati inspired design on the top of his h...
Read full storyComedian Jon Crapola craps out
HERMOSA BEACH, CA -- Two years ago, John Crapola, who claims to be a "stand-up comedian, if not a stand-up guy," bored his tiny audience in a nearly empty "comedy club" in Hermosa Beach, California. When he started talking about his penis, ladies nea...
Read full storyObama Declares Martial Law--President Trump Furious
After the Trump administration floundered in it's first hundred days, former President Obama decided to declare martial law in the US. In response, a livid President Trump tweeted with plans for an invasion of Obama's headquarters in Jamaica. "...
Read full storyKim Kardashian Is Getting Old
Shakespeare said of Cleopatra that "Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale Her infinite variety." However, it is surely different in our Modern Fast-Moving Age, and it is time to admit that Kim Kardashian is getting old. She is not as young as...
Read full storyNew Drug to Help Sufferers of Movie Quote Dementia Introduced by Pfizer
San Diego - Drug company Pfizer has announced that clinical studies have completed and their new drug Cinestop, designed to treat sufferers of Cinementia, has been approved by the FDA and will be available soon. Cinementia is a debilitating form o...
Read full storyMan successfully sues friends for 'unpaid rent' after Monopoly game
A man has successfully sued his friends for 'unpaid rent' following what started of as a friendly game of Monopoly. John Matthews, 30, held a games night at his house in Burton-upon-Trent, Staffordshire back in December and invited four of his fri...
Read full storyMcDonaldo's freshens its menu (sort of)
ANYTOWN, USA -- At McDonaldo's, if you buy anything other than a 1/4 Pounder, you can go pound sand, as far as the freshness of your order is concerned. "We don't do 'fresh,' when it comes to our hamboogers, cheeseboogers, or Big Macks," CEO Ronaldo...
Read full storyTrump Resigns, Blames Media Witch Hunt
Dodging investigations and possible impeachment, President Donald Trump resigned from office after giving a rambling, and angry speech reminiscent of President Nixon's resignation speech. Obama, the FBI, and Hillary Clinton were on Trump's list o...
Read full storyKellyanne Conway: "I'm a transgender woman, I have an alternative vagina."
Kellyanne Conway, a Counselor to President Trump, yesterday during an interview with the Wichita Weekly Shopper admitted she is a transgender woman and has an "alternative vagina." Ms. Conway says she has been transgender since she was an infant,...
Read full storyTrump Fires Science
Science Town, USA President Trump announced in his third press conference today that he has fired everybody connected to Science fields, because he feels Science has in his words, "Failed us for the LAST TIME!!! "Who is always crying about Global...
Read full storyNeverland interests buyer
NEVERLAND, CA-The late, not-so-great Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch in Californicate is "for sale" at "only $67 million." For this low, low price, buyers get not only remorse, but also a zoo, complete with llamas; theme park rides allegedly st...
Read full storyLocal High School Student Suspended After Confusing Balzac with Ballsack
Sweatynton, NJ (Associated Press) An 11th grade student from Grover Cleveland High School was suspended yesterday after apparently confusing the name of the French author Honoré de Balzac with "honorary ballsack." The student, whose name isn't be...
Read full storyPortland's homeless to be offered a hand up, instead of a handout
PORTLAND, ME--Tired of seeing men and women sitting on their asses, peeing on the streets, and pestering hardworking citizens for "spare" change, officials of Portland, Maine, have decided to put the bums to work. City officials have agreed to fun...
Read full storyThe Spoof To Buy Out The Onion In Hostile Takeover
WALL STREET URINAL: In a stunning development, The Spoof said today that it will acquire The Onion to create the world's largest fake news media company under one roof. The Onion proclaims itself as the world's leading news publication and enjoys...
Read full storyLatest Trump Tweet: Obama Shot JFK
After Snoop Dogg refused to apologize for a video in which he shoots a clown faced President Trump with a marijuana gun, Trump then attacked Barrack Obama and accused the former president of shooting president John F Kennedy. Trump sparked the lat...
Read full storyD.C. pedophiles petition Trump to continue raping and killing children
Washington D.C.- Anonymous leakers report that the move to arrest high level government officials, representatives, senators, and judges for crimes related to pedophilia has been thwarted by a secret petition signed by one third the population of the...
Read full storyKim Jong Un missle test fails, shooting up Kim Jong Bun
Kim Jong's Buns - North Kiarrhea It was a bloody mess at the launching pad today as members of US special forces reported seeing a horrible missile test failure. When the Jongdong II missile ignited, it fissiled for several minutes. Kim Jong...
Read full storyTown Suspicious Of Man's Fancy Shirt
DEVILS LAKE, ND - Reporting flagrant use of paisley and too many colors, residents of this quiet resort town have raised alarm at the bold fashion statement made by recent transplant Steven Hoey, seen last night wearing the flamboyant shirt. Local w...
Read full storyFDA Reviews Previously Denied Drug Applications
Stocks are soaring for pharmaceutical companies as the FDA looks at easing regulatory restrictions for bringing new drugs to market. Even better for Big Pharma, the FDA will review drug applications that were denied in the past. But there are m...
Read full storyChurch Accidentally Sends Shroud Of Turin To Dry Cleaners
The Cathedral of St. John the Baptist in Turin, Italy, was specifically built to house and protect the shroud of Turin, an ancient 14 foot length of cloth that bears a contact image of the crucified Christ. Last week an assistant to the Vice-Bisho...
Read full storyDonald Trump: A Russian Spy?
The news media has been ignoring the obvious truth since Donald Trump called Mexicans, "…rapists and murderers." The candidate was controversial, provocative, and sold money-making advertisements for television networks. Sure, money talks, ratings we…
Read full storyOranges call out tangerines for just being small oranges
An agitated orange lashed out at his citric brethren for attempting to distinguish themselves from oranges. Cracky McOrange has stated that he does not see any real difference between tangerines and oranges, and thinks that the separate designation...
Read full storyDinosaur penis exhibition opens
Ever since he was an archaeology student, Tom Lovecock has dreamed of dinosaur penises. Now he has an exciting new exhibition at the British Museum. He explained the idea behind it, "Who hasn't watched Jurassic Park and wondered why the dinosaurs don...
Read full storyMissing Richard Simmons Found Living In Cave At Mexican Restaurant
Family, friends, and fans of Richard Simmons rejoiced when the missing former fitness guru turned up in a Denver area restaurant known for it's Disney-like portrayal of a Mexican village. Found living in the back of a cave feature at Casa Bonita,...
Read full storyTrump's Dog, Patton, Has Two Assholes
BILLINGSGATE POST: President Donald Trump, worried about his lack of support from Democrats in his attempt to repeal and replace ObamaCare, invited Senator Chuck Schumer and House Minority Leader, Nancy Pelosi, to meet with him in the Oval Office so...
Read full storyPresident Trump to Receive Emergency Penis Enlargement Therapy
In a last-ditch effort to save his failing Presidency, Donald Trump will undergo emergency penis enlargement therapy next week at Bethesda Naval Hospital. "The President has come to the realization that the common denominator in all of his shortco...
Read full storyCuba Signs Paroled Cannibal As Striker
Looking to beef up their roster for the year, The Cuban National Football Team hired recently paroled cannibal Pepe Kerjoly. Hailing from a Serbian/Cuban family, Kerjoly was identified by prison scouts when he was a teenager and led the prison foo...
Read full storyTrump Cabinet of Billionaires Decide Americans Can Not Be Trusted to Handle Money
Washington, DC After the Trump Cabinet's latest meeting, they all found out that they together they all possess 68% of the wealth of the nation. "Once we realized that idiots like us make more money in a day than most Americans make in a year, we...
Read full storyFox and Fiends to Welcome Satan As New Co-host
NEW YORK--The long running morning show Fox and Fiends announced today that it is welcoming, as its new morning co-host, Satan, the Commander-in-Chief of Hell. Enthused Steve Doocy about the new co-host: "We're really excited to have Satan as our...
Read full storyMick "Let Them Eat Coal" Mulvaney--And Other Nicknames For Trump's New Director Of OMB
Director of OMB Mick Mulvaney had no idea what he started when he was overheard saying "Let them eat coal" after a press conference in Washington DC. His comment was in response to journalists who questioned the effects GOP budget cuts will have on our most vulnerable citizens. A thousand memes were launched from that one comment alone. Now it seems everyone has a favorite nickname for Mulva...
Read full storyAliens Have Taken Over Trump's Brain
US President Donald Trump has made another outrageous claim: His brain has been taken over by aliens. Speaking from the oval office while pounding his fist on his head yelling "stop it!" Trump imparted the following upon the press: "It's just ou...
Read full storyZika Tourism Boosts Latin American Economies
Tourism is booming in Latin American countries with a high risk for the mosquito-born Zika virus. An influx of tourists was noticed right after the US presidential election: Apparently, Americans needing to feel better about the US have flocked to...
Read full storyHillary Clinton Leaves Amsterdam: "I'm Ready To Come Back From The Woods"
While the world was transfixed by the train wreck of the Trump presidency, Hillary Clinton quietly disappeared to the Netherlands a week after her surprise loss in the presidential election and she has kept a low profile ever since. Clinton was b...
Read full storyTrump to Erect Wall Around the Solar System To Keep "Dark" Matter Out
In a series of tweets taking many in government and the science world by storm, President Trump has announced his intention to construct a wall around the Solar System, to prevent further illegal immigration of dark matter. "Invading invisible pa...
Read full storyFarage and Assange: Ode to heartbreaking loyalty
Julian Assange and Nigel Farage Just the two of them, no entourage. A clandestine rendezvous on a spring morning, Unexpected, rushed, without warning. Secrets shared in breathless whispers, Poignant comradeship, laughter, tears. Half -spoken words, a pat on the back Subtle handshake, a knowing smile. Good old Nigel, a faithful mate. He will stand by you, Julian. Have faith!...
Read full storyScientists fail to prove that pollution still exists to idiots
After letting close minded politicians and other agenda pushing brain apes bamboozle them with conflicting theories on climate change, scientists again get boned when they try to reassert the concept of pollution. "I consider it fake news," Presid...
Read full storyGlobal Temperature Drop Likely After Denialist Efforts to Discredit Science
Washington - Average Global Temperatures are on track to fall significantly in the next few years, thanks to concerted efforts by individuals and organizations silently funded by energy companies and conservative groups, to debunk the widely accepted...
Read full storyTrump Declares Day of Mourning for Victims of Sweden Disaster and the Bowling Green Massacre
Washington, DC Kellyanne Conway announced that Trump was declaring April 1st a national "Day of Mourning" for the victims of the Sweden Disaster and the Bowling Green Massacre. She said, "President Trump asks that everybody take a few minutes out of...
Read full storyThanks Kellyanne! I'm back to being a shutterbug again!
I bought an inexpensive microwave at Bucky's Bucking Bronco Big Lots Extravaganza today. Way out there on the fringes of the city, that hideous store stands like a cinder-box outhouse on the busy thoroughfare. I'm going to take pictures with my n...
Read full storyReview of Bethlehem Motel 24th December by Joseph
TripAdvisor Review of Bethlehem Motel - 24th December -0001 We stayed at the Bethlehem Motel for one night on 24th December and wish we'd never bothered!! I should have known better with just a single star above the hotel sign. I was shattered and really just needed a place to rest my ass and heavily pregnant fiancée for the night. When we arrived the Motel owner told us we were in luck as h...
Read full storyFrench car makers eradicate British scrap maker!
It required a French, yes French, car-making giant to relieve a traditional name indented into the hearts of British industry from their agony. The name, Vauxhall, will disappear like many of it's past colleagues; Morris, Austin, among others who fai...
Read full storyNew species of bird named after President Trump
An Australian bird discovered this year has been given the unusual distinction of being named after the current US president, due to surprising similarities in their behaviour. Researchers at the University of Wagga Wagga have officially called the b...
Read full storyClinton Watts Beats Up Chuck Norris
Making the point that the US has been weak on Russia, Former FBI agent Clinton Watts beat Chuck Norris in a street MMA match. After Watts testified in the Senate about the shocking extent of Russian interference in the US elections, he acknowledge...
Read full storyNew Jersey Legislature Reconsidering Bill That Provides Jobless Benefits to Ugly Hookers
Trenton, NJ (Fox News): The New Jersey legislature has sent back to committee a bill that provides the opportunity for ugly hookers to apply for state jobless benefits. The bill, H6901, added "Ugly Hooker" to the list of occupations eligible to a...
Read full storyAunt Beru found in Peru
A woman in Peru has announced that she is actually Aunt Beru from the first Star Wars film. The news has come as a surprise to nerds and film buffs everywhere, as not only was Beru killed by Stormtroopers on the orders of Darth Vader, but she is a fi...
Read full storyNorth Korea Upset that Club Swinging and Pistol Dueling Won't Be in Olympics
Pyongyang, North Korea North Korea, considered by many to be the most hostile country in the world, complained to the Olympics committee about their request to have Club Swinging and Pistol Dueling reinstated in the Olympic Games being refused. They...
Read full storyTrump Calls for Impeaching the Freedom Caucus
Washington, DC President Trump today announced that the Freedom Caucus must be impeached, or arrested, for disloyalty. He has also threatened to call out the National Guard if the House of Representatives doesn't IMMEDIATELY start impeachment proceed...
Read full storySix Trump Supporters Locked In Their Car For Three Hours
Washington D.C. (The Daily Beast): Six supporters of President Donald Trump are recovering after being locked in their car for three hours this morning. They were rescued by a 90 year old African-American lesbian who was walking by and noticed two o...
Read full storyDizney on the down-low?
MAGIC KINGDOM, CA --- In an effort to generate publicity for his soon-to-be-released Beauty's Beast, openly gay director Phil A. Condom admits the film contains a "down and dirty gay moment." LeBoyToy, kiss-ass manservant to manly Gaston, one day...
Read full storyTrump invites Kim Jong-un to W.H. for Fried dog & darts, labels it the Armageddon Show!
President Donald Trump announced today in a rare White House press briefing that he had invited Kim Jong-un Supreme leader of North Korea to the White House for a dinner of Fried Dog and a nationally televise game of darts. Trump looking smug said, "...
Read full storyAustralian traffic-light gender bender lights cause confusion!
It is a well known fact the world has gone completely bonkers and now Australia have joined the fun! Their latest set of traffic light lights are causing much confusion in major cities because Australian women's Lib groups are demanding that the tiny...
Read full storyPresident Trump issues apology
WASHINGTON D.C.- In a move that no one expected, a unprecedented move that is now reaching legendary status, President of the United States of America Donald Trump apologized. Thousands were invited to the speech, many of whom are people the Presiden...
Read full storyTrump demands IQ test for all voters!
In an interview with Fox News this morning President Donald Trump demanded that the US Congress pass legislation requiring all voters to undergo an IQ test as a qualification for voting in national elections. Sean Hannity quickly agreed with him and...
Read full storyMan Gets Eaten By Giant Venus Fly Trap
Des Moines, Iowa horticulturist, Larry Leaf, came across the deal of a lifetime. For a meager 10 dollars Larry would obtain the seeds of a very powerful plant that would allow him to alleviate his obnoxious neighbors from his life. He planted the s...
Read full storyMovie "50 Shades of Trump" Canceled: Could Only Find 4 Shades
Hollywood, CA: A movie idea that has been floating around Hollywood since Donald Trump won the Presidency has been permanently shelved due to extreme lack of source material. The proposed movie, to be entitled "50 Shades of Trump", was actually p...
Read full storyTrump Reports That Venus is Spying on the U.S (and on Trump Tower in Particular)
Manhattan, NY President Trump announced today that he caught the planet Venus spying on the United States and found out they were planning on invading the Earth, until they heard him talking about what he would do to aliens if he ever caught them in...
Read full storyPresident Trump Creates Ministry of Truth: Names Shiv Aalok Minister of Truth
With his usual flare for the dramatic and unpredictable, President Trump announced the creation of a new federal agency, the Ministry of Truth. President Trump made the surprise announcement from the Oval Office flanked by a delegation of Russian d...
Read full storyRyan Urges Trump to Resign
Speaker of the House Paul Ryan has urged President Trump to resign, according to people close to him. "It is much easier for our members to be the party in opposition than it is to govern," the Speaker reportedly told the President. "As the part...
Read full storyGerman Shepherd Puppies Commit Suicide After Receiving Names From a Toddler
Colorado Springs (Denver Post): Four German Shepherd puppies apparently committed suicide yesterday, after their owner allowed her two-and-a-half-year-old toddler to name the dogs. All four puppies jumped out of an open window, ran six blocks, and t…
Read full storyLynx create new anti-deodorant to increase foul odour
Lynx have created a new anti-deodorant that means people will always, constantly smell of B.O, all day, everyday. Traditional sprays or roll-ons aim to either mask pongs or block the pores to stop sweaty armpits. But a new formula has been desi...
Read full storyBen Carson resigns as US Secretary of Housing and Urban Development
After just 3 days of being sworn into Trump's cabinet as the United States Secretary of Housing and Urban Development by Vice President Mike Pence, retired neurosurgeon and presidential candidate steps down from office. In a Breaking News report a...
Read full storyTrump midnight tweet rants exposed: Post poopie depression!
A prominent Harvard Medical School psychiatrist has published a paper detailing the apparent reason President Donald Trump is having the 3:AM tweet rants that have become a regular part of the news each day. Dr. T. J. McCorkle states in his study...
Read full storyPosthoorn Interview no. 8: Tom Brexit prepper is upset!
Tom, from Scotland, has lived in The Netherlands since 1972 and has a Dutch wife. With Brexit looming, and maybe having to leave the Netherlands, Tom is prepping himself to live back in Scotland. It is time for the reporter of the world famous we...
Read full storyGerman Giants, Lidl and Aldi, pull plug in Brexit Britain!
Thousands of Brit, cheap shoppers (many hypocrites among them too, in fact they were the majority) stood dumbfounded in front of closed doors at their fav cheap supermarkets today screaming: "Vat have you done?" It seems that in an over-night...
Read full storyStop answering my butt-dials, idiots!
In a text message to everyone on his contact list, Ruben DeMarco of New Milford New Jersey has a strong message that captures and explains his frustration. "So, I'm at the movies with Kate and my cell phone buzzes" Ruben explained "who the he...
Read full storyDear Congressman Chaffetz
Dear Congressman Chaffetz: I just wanted you to know that the day after you spoke out about health insurance for low income Americans, I cancelled my order for a new iPhone 7. Not only that, but I got together with the other tenants in my apartment building, and persuaded them to cancel their orders for new iPhones. And without any further urging from me, they voted to a man to cancel all out...
Read full storyThe Six O'Clock News Read By Jessica Akrill, Aged 5
Hello, everybody! And now here is today's news with me, Jessica Akrill, aged 5. Today some misters in a country where they is a lot of sand and a lot of trouble, hurt a lot of other misters and ladies and boys and girls with a 'BOMB'. That's what...
Read full storyHead-On-A-Stick
Dahomey, Africa 1842 - In a small village near Africa's west coast heads-on-a-stick were near epidemic. The first one appeared stuck dead center in the communal fire pit. Suspecting spiritual interference the tribe squabbled over whether this intrusi...
Read full storyBrazil leads world in persuading it to become vegetarians by flogging rotten meat!
The Brazilian government have decided to jump on the vegan / vegetarian bandwagon by forcing it's meat producers to flog rotting meat to the rest of the world! Brazilian meat companies are earning mega-bucks by exporting rotting carcasses because...
Read full storyBlame Someone Else: Trump's Art Of The Squeal
US President Donald Trump is quick to take the credit for any good news that happens on his watch, for example: preventing the Bowling Green Massacre and trashing the US so illegal immigrants will want to stay in their home countries. But when things go sour, Trump starts to look for someone to take the blame. In an all too familiar pattern, Trump's Art of the Deal looks more and more like the...
Read full storyI Wire Tapped Trump Tower
Ok, I admit this in writing, anonymously, for now I fear for my life. I wire tapped Trump Tower. President Trump blames Obama, but I have never met President Obama and in all honesty, although it would make a great story, President Obama had nothing to do with it. Actually, it was Hillary Clinton, well not directly, but it was Hillary's team who directed the wiretap. I should be more clea...
Read full storyTrump Fires the FBI and National Security Agency For Investigating Him
Washington, DC President Trump's Press Aide Sean Spicer announced that President Trump had just created 62,372 jobs in one day, a new record! "President Trump, when he learned that the FBI and NSA had the audacity to investigate him for his Russia...
Read full storyPresident Trump Hears The Voice of God
[President Trump is being interviewed by Charlie Rose on PBS] CR: Mr. President, thank you for being here. T: My pleasure. CR: The New York Times reported today that you've claimed that President Obama tapped your phone. T: That's right. CR: What proof do you have of that? T: How else do you explain it? CR: Explain what? T: The leaks. How do you explain the leaks? Everything that happe...
Read full storyWhoopee! Donald Trump Gave A Presidential-Like Speech
The world held its breath. The ozone layer remained stationary. Planet earth screeched to a halt to listen, both north and south poles cupped an ear to hear, and afterwards, the many of the universe proclaimed: Trump is presidential! Ya hoo! Bell cym...
Read full storyEPA Okays Water, Town Protests
The Environmental Protection Agency recently tested the quality of drinking water for the town of Sedona, Arizona. The water passed all tests with flying colors. Unfortunately this did not bode well for the town of 10,000 residents who immediately...
Read full storyWhitehouse Press Secretary Finally Admits Trump's Diabolic Plan To Corner The Russian Salad Dressing Market
Washington - On Tuesday, Sean Spicer, White House Press Secretary, tried to downplay questions about ties between President Donald Trump's associates and Russia. "If the President puts Russian salad dressing on his salad tonight, somehow that's a Rus...
Read full storyClinton still "dazed and confused" after loss to Trump, friend says
Chappaqua, New Yawk--After her "stunning" loss to President Donald Trump, loser Hillary Clinton still doesn't know what the hell happened to her. She conducted an autopsy on her failed election complain, and she still doesn't know what the hell happe...
Read full storyThe New Trump University Will Teach Intelligent Design and Alchemy
Trump Tower, NY Trump announced today that he will re-start Trump University, this time with an emphasis on Scholastics instead of Real Estate Scams. "One class we're really proud of is our Alchemy class. As far as I know, we are the only univers...
Read full storyBus Full Of Tourists Detained By Vigilantes After Being Mistaken For Illegal Voters
Highlighting the danger that fake news represents to a free society, vigilantes who are followers of the "Busgate" conspiracy stopped a bus full of Salvadoran tourists on an Indiana highway. Antonia "Tigre" Diaz was on the bus and later told repor...
Read full storyAmerican Plans First Vacation to Europe: Wonders if it will be a letdown like Mount Rushmore.
West Bend, IN, U.S. (Reuters) Michael Barnett, an electrical engineer from West Bend, Indiana, and his wife, Christy, have planned a vacation to Europe after 22 years of marriage. Christy Barnett posted to her Facebook page a video of her reaction w...
Read full storyObama Admits He Booby-Trapped The Presidency
Former president Barrack Obama finally broke cover and confessed to Access Hollywood corespondent Jill Martin that he engineered many of the problems plaguing President Trump. "The Michael Flynn scandal, Obamacare entrenchment, The FBI wire taps--...
Read full storyBeing a numeric genius has its advantages, and unfortunately, too, its disadvantages
Jarred T. Thistlewind was always the last person to show up for the party. He was also the last guy to show up for work, and to stand idly by at the bus stop on the corner of Courier Street and Phelps Avenue on his way to work, and he was even two weeks late to wish his wife of seven years a "Happy Anniversary" greeting on April 8, along with a bottle of Pinot noir, which they always drank in bed...
Read full storyTrump Offers Evidence That Obama Spied On Him--Even Though Trump Doesn't Know What "Evidence" Really Is
Washington, DC President Donald Trump tweeted at 3:30 this morning that he would provide evidence that Obama had spied on him at a press conference this morning. UPDATE: President Trump held a press conference this morning and said, "My evidence t...
Read full storyPresident Trump is really President Baldwin
The actor Alec Baldwin held a news conference in the Oval Office yesterday, as he signed one executive order after another. Mr. Baldwin had no difficulty entering the White House yesterday morning, as the security officers all recognized him as...
Read full storyNuclear submarine lands in Welsh charity shop!
A strange, ancient leather, battered suitcase was given to a Welsh charity shop in Porthmadog, Gwynedd, (for US readers = Gobbledygook) and the strange, anonymous owner of the suitcase, bearing an Eastern European accent, disguised as the Elephant M...
Read full storyDo-It-Yourself Future News Headlines
If you look at enough different newspapers enough different times you find things can be quite similar. The rags always seem to be re-circulating the same type of newsworthy cadavers again and again. The names and the places change, but the content i...
Read full storySpanish Fast-Food gang raid restaurants resembling a plague of locusts!
In the Spanish town of Bembibre, in the north-western Castile and Leon region a "Fast-Food" gang of thieves raided the local El Carmen restaurant, devoured 10000 Euros worth of food and drink, then disappeared as fast as they had come! Spanish res...
Read full storyBill Cosby-Watchers Concerned About Bill's Tweeting
Somewhere Way Back in Rural Massachusetts The last remaining fans and friends of comedian Bill Cosby have been expressing anxiety that Dr. Cosby has so much trouble now that he is losing his eyesight. "We just worry about him straining his eyes to...
Read full storyKim Jong-Un Announces--He Will Seriously Nuke Any Country That Calls Him Fat!
Pynongyang, North Korea North Korean DIC-tator Kim Jong-Un was in the news again today when North Korea announced that it would not stand for any insults waged against their most revered and holy leader, Kim Jong-Un, Keeper of the Flame-Gun, Ruler o...
Read full storyCosby Trial to be Moved to American Samoa
Pago Pago, American Samoa In the quest to find an impartial jury for Bill Cosby's rape trial, the Cosby defense team has announced that the trial will be moved to the American possession of American Samoa. This is the only place that Dr. Cosby is not...
Read full storyWeb Science Repetition Threatens Ice Sheet
A new study has found that science website articles repeat themselves frequently. Linguists from the Universitat Grossen Luegen in Cologne, Germany have analysed over seventy thousand articles appearing in major publications and websites and have fou…
Read full storyEvery New TV Comes with a Teenager
Tokyo, Japan - A consortium of Japanese companies has agreed to provide a teenager for every new television purchased. The offer also extends to computers and any other technology device if the value exceeds $1,000. "We understand that mainstream...
Read full storyRules of Engagement
'FM 6-0 Commander and Staff Organization and Operations', is a US Army field manual, formerly inaccessible to public, but now it is. FM 6-0 was intended as a planning tool for battalion sized units and larger. It seems the book has rendered itself obsolete. The reason is obvious: conventional warfare is not foreseeable in near future. In 1970s, we used to find passages in publication as to the...
Read full storyTrump, Ryan Cast Together in Naked and Afraid
Washington, DC - President Donald Trump and House Speaker Paul Ryan will appear together on the reality show, Naked and Afraid. Producers wanted to film a special episode where two politicians have to live on their own without access to health care.
Read full storyACLU pushback: "Marry a Mexican, adopt a Muslim, take a lesbian to lunch in Indianapolis."
The American Civil Liberties Union announced today they are embarking on a grass roots effort to..."Make America Whole Again. Marry a Mexican, adopt a Muslim and take a lesbian to lunch in Indianapolis, is a grass roots effort to get citizens involve...
Read full storyMorrisville Woman run out of hangers, not dismayed
Alice Sweeney of Morrisville Pennsylvania has a clothing storage dilemma. "I've run out of hangers" she told as we sat in a booth at the Plymouth diner. "and I'm not about to buy anymore, never bought a hanger in my life, they've just always been t...
Read full storyMan amputates foot: no need to match sox
"It came to me one Sunday afternoon awhile back" said Martin Duffy of the Kingsbridge section of the Bronx "when I finished a load of laundry and started spreading the goddam socks around on my kitchen table, like I've done hundreds of times before"...
Read full storyHouse of Lords save ex-pats from being unwanted aliens in Europe!
If it was all down to Theresa May and her Conservative cohorts, ex-pats living in Europe would become unwanted aliens living among their European partners! Luckily, The House of Lords have stepped in and thwart her plans to alienate Brits living i...
Read full story