Whoopee! Donald Trump Gave A Presidential-Like Speech

Written by K.C. Bell

Sunday, 19 March 2017


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"President Obama tapping my wires..."

The world held its breath. The ozone layer remained stationary. Planet earth screeched to a halt to listen, both north and south poles cupped an ear to hear, and afterwards, the many of the universe proclaimed: Trump is presidential! Ya hoo! Bell cymbals ring out.

Trump turned the corner. Yes, the circus barker with the silly hats and pussy long ties switched like overnight and became an orator of Shakespearian quality. Wow! The second coming is here. Who can ask for anything more?

Yes, so he used two hands when downing a glass of water during the joint address to congress. Nerves? Who cares. It was far better than missing his mouth and pouring the water into his ear. Nutty, but not as bad as the Marco Rubio to and fro, water reach tango. Who knows, maybe George Washington and Abraham Lincoln always used two hands to drink a glass of water?

The media failed to praised him for managing to walk down that jammed-packed crowded aisle to the podium and never once reached out to grab a single pussy. Since he's more famous today then when he told Billy Bush: "and if you're famous, you can get away with it." He could have.

Yes, he could have and don't forget, he also had the Secret Service to protect him.

Some claimed his speech was an intentional distraction from his failed Muslim ban, or his failed Mexican wall, or his election entanglement with Vladimir Putin, or the drip, drip, drip of Wikileaks, or the firing of Mike Flynn, or the recusal of Jeff Sessions, or the secret staff meetings with Russian Ambassador Sergey Kislyak…

But clocks keep working, ticking life forward, and by the following Saturday morning, after the Tuesday Presidential-Like Speech, the Trump tweet war began once again. Using the possessive tense, the paranoid tweet read: "President Obama tapping my wires…"

At first glance, it sounded like a vasectomy.

No, it was Trump's "wires" as in telephone, cell, mobile, computer, chandelier, micro-wave, television, refrigerator, tooth brush, shaver, vacuum…

Whoopee! He's back and he didn't know how to spell 'tap'.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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