With his usual flare for the dramatic and unpredictable, President Trump announced the creation of a new federal agency, the Ministry of Truth. President Trump made the surprise announcement from the Oval Office flanked by a delegation of Russian dignitaries, cabinet members and his senior political team. Russian President Putin was not available in-person but did manage to participate by hacking into a nearby computer. President Trump also announced his intention to appoint Shiv Aalok Secretary of Truth.
"Truth Makes America Great. Fake news is killing us folks. Just killing us. How can I Make America Great Again if the news is fake. Take public television news--FAKE! That's why I proposed cutting public television's budget and using the money to fund the new Truth Ministry. The Truth Ministry will check, and double check,all documents, reports, speeches, tweets, etc. coming from my administration to ensure all are 100% true at all times."
After briefly introducing Truth Secretary Designee Shiv Aalok, President Trump answered questions from the Russian delegation and the national media. Russian Ambassador Sergey Kislyak asked, "Shiv Aalok is profoundly honest, sincere and wise. He comes from a family of Indian yogi sages. We have tried to get Aalok to join us for years, without luck, did you use the Art of Deal techniques to manage to get him to say yes?"
"I'm going to let Shiv answer that one", said President Trump. According to Aalok, the pair met in India, "I first met Donald, I mean President Trump, sorry Mr. President its an old habit because you and I go way back. Yes we met in Bangalore, India. He was proposing to build an 88-story 5-star Trump Hotel on my family's ancestral land. We worked out a deal. A great deal. I even got to keep my snake charming stall and the tourists love it! I told Donald, I mean Mr. President, if you ever need my help with something big call; and he did."
CNN reporter Wolf Blitzer pointed out that Aalok is a foreign national and asked Labor Secretary Designee Alexander Acosta, if Truth Secretary Designee Aalok has the right to work in the U.S. Before Acosta could answer, Truth Secretary Designee Aalok interrupted and stated, "Mr. President and Mr. Secretary don't worry. I will not be needing a work visa. I can do the job from the local call center in Bangalore, India. Outsourcing is ideal for this job. I charm snakes but charming Washington is, well let's just say my flute is big enough. I better stay in Bangalore. Besides, I don't expect to be busy with this truth business. After all the job is simple--verify everything the President says is true, accurate, honest, and straight forward. How long could it take per day? What 10, maybe 20 minutes per day. Easy rupees."