Dinosaur penis exhibition opens

Friday, 17 March 2017

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Dinosaurs will never look the same again

Ever since he was an archaeology student, Tom Lovecock has dreamed of dinosaur penises. Now he has an exciting new exhibition at the British Museum. He explained the idea behind it, "Who hasn't watched Jurassic Park and wondered why the dinosaurs don't have huge willies flopping about all over the place?"

Lovecock has himself been involved in some famous discoveries, such as digging up the first fully fossilised dinosaur dong. Usually soft tissue such as a penis doesn't survive and archaeologists have only the bones to work with. In the specimen that he found, the entire penis had been preserved in amber. That particular artefact is not part of the current exhibition.

The exhibition does contain a large number of hand drawings that the artist has made of dinosaurs and their genitals. Many of them are simple pencil outlines. One depicts a Stegosaurus with a member so large that it would have trouble walking. Lovecock has been dubbed "Tom of Pangaea" for his obscene pictures. He said of his art, "In most cases, we don't actually know how big the dinosaur willies were, so it's something of a guess. But there is no doubt that they had the largest members of all prehistoric animals."

A set of papier mache models completes the collection. Seven live-size models represent different dinosaur penises. Tom grinned as he described them, "For the first time in millions of years, you can actually touch a dinosaur's cock. And to be honest, if you tried doing that with a live dinosaur then it would probably attack you."

The highlight of the models is a complex feature which has been added to the Tyrannosaurus Rex's dong - it has a life-like retractable foreskin, which visitors can pull back at their leisure.

"Dinosaur Cock" is showing at the British Museum, London until the end of April.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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