Man Gets Eaten By Giant Venus Fly Trap

Funny story written by mikewadestr

Wednesday, 15 March 2017

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Come to papa!

Des Moines, Iowa horticulturist, Larry Leaf, came across the deal of a lifetime. For a meager 10 dollars Larry would obtain the seeds of a very powerful plant that would allow him to alleviate his obnoxious neighbors from his life. He planted the seeds outside his house, watered them and then went to bed.

When he awoke he found a 50 foot tall Venus Fly Trap standing outside his front door. It was magnificent. Larry Leaf was Jack and the beanstalk with the beanstalk having petioles and terminal lobes instead of beans.

Larry immediately went to work devising a plan to get his neighbors ensnared in the Venus Fly Trap. His plan included buying an electric hover board for the plant to transverse the neighborhood disguised as a traveling kale salesman. When a neighbor would answer the door he would introduce himself and then ask if they would like lunch. When they declined due to the fact that he was a total stranger he would say: "Not lunch for you but lunch for me" after which he would immediately gobble them up in one of his traps.

This worked well with the adults but not the children who could sniff out the obnoxious smell of kale a mile away. In their case he had to disguise himself as a traveling Pokemon Go salesman in order to get close enough to eat them.

During his escapades he did get stopped by a police officer for not signaling while turning left and by a county tree cutter who wanted to trim him down a bit. In both cases he made the distractions into a meal.

Larry Leaf was, also, cited for not having the plant on a leash causing Larry to respond by having the plant eat the entire office of Animal Control.

Life couldn't have been better for Larry until he made the fatal mistake of taking a selfie with the plant. The plant ate him, although the picture he caught of him going up in one of the snares was priceless.

As of press time it has been learned the plant has been offered his own talk show on CNN.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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