MAGIC KINGDOM, CA --- In an effort to generate publicity for his soon-to-be-released Beauty's Beast, openly gay director Phil A. Condom admits the film contains a "down and dirty gay moment."
LeBoyToy, kiss-ass manservant to manly Gaston, one day wants to be Gaston, the next day to kiss Gaston. LeBoyToy is "confused," Condom says.
Likely, parents and kids will be, too, critics declare. "They'll want to know what Dizney is thinking by including homosexual propaganda in their films." Many, they suggest, "won't be happy about Dizney's attempt to proselytize their children."
Dizney has long been "infiltrated by queers," Parents Against Pornography Ima Knude maintains. "The studio made covert references to LGBT and Q "inclusiveness" in a "lesbians on the down-low" scene in Finding Dory's Love Button. The animated film's director, Drew Panting, would neither confirm nor deny Knude's allegation.
Upon learning of the "gay moment" in Beauty's Beast, the Internet was besotted with premature ejaculations, as parents voiced their concerns. Some cinemas have refused to show the picture, and others won't admit anyone under the age of seventeen.
The script, written by Stephenz Bootie and Evil Spillourseedz "codes" LeBoyToy's homosexuality. "For those with dirty minds," Bootie says. "My boyfriend understands the scene's implications," he adds, "but not my mom."
If few parents object to the romance between LeBoyToy and Gaston, Dizney may give Donald Duck a gay makeover. "There could even be a bisexual threesome featuring Donald, Mickie, and Minnie" or a little bestiality between Mary Poppins and some of Mowgli's ape friends."