New Jersey Legislature Reconsidering Bill That Provides Jobless Benefits to Ugly Hookers

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Thursday, 16 March 2017


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Yes, the tits are nice. But what about the face?

Trenton, NJ (Fox News): The New Jersey legislature has sent back to committee a bill that provides the opportunity for ugly hookers to apply for state jobless benefits.

The bill, H6901, added "Ugly Hooker" to the list of occupations eligible to apply for unemployment through New Jersey's Department of Labor and Workforce Development.

The highly controversial bill was sent to Governor Chris Christie's desk for approval late last week. However, Governor Christie said the bill needed "further refinement" before he would consider signing it into law.

Governor Christie's concerns include how to define "ugly", and how to determine whether the applicant is a hooker, or the more respected prostitute.

Said Christie, "there is just too much ambiguity in this bill. I know that there have been times that I might've described a hooker as ugly, when other people would have considered her a prostitute. And other times when I asked my staff to get me a prostitute that, really, didn't pass the ugly test." Christie then immediately attempted to clarify his statements by saying that he's read articles about such confusion, but has no personal experience with the dilemma. Christie had to abruptly end his press conference because of a meeting about a bridge.

Although the bill did have it's supporters, most commentary was decisively against it. Said Angel Gambini, spokesperson for the Society of New Jersey Prostitutes, "just because I'm considered a high-dollar prostitute, that means I can't apply for unemployment if I'm having a slow week? That isn't fair. So, yeah, maybe I made a thousand bucks last night. And my sister, who definitely got beat with the ugly stick, went home with nothing. But tomorrow night I may not make any money, and Yvette gets fifty bucks for blow job in an alley."

Adding to the controversy was that the bill included additional benefits to any ugly hooker who could provide written confirmation that she was infected with a sexually transmitted disease.

Said representative John Smith, "I'm totally behind this bill. It is definitely necessary. We need to keep these girls happy so they don't go and do something rash, like try to blackmail a guy who wasn't able to make his usual Thursday afternoon appointment because his kid got strep throat. I, I mean, the guy couldn't help it, right?"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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