BILLINGSGATE POST: President Donald Trump, worried about his lack of support from Democrats in his attempt to repeal and replace ObamaCare, invited Senator Chuck Schumer and House Minority Leader, Nancy Pelosi, to meet with him in the Oval Office so that he might introduce them to his new pup, a Goldendoodle named Patton.
Congresswoman Pelosi, who sadly was recently diagnosed with terminal persimmon winter-kill syndrome because of her frozen smile, first observed the rambunctious pup under the President's desk looking up her skirt. Patton, who was named for Trump's favorite general of all time, General George Patton, was doing what comes naturally to those who visit the Oval Office, he was beaver shooting.
Schumer, completely nonplussed and perhaps embarrassed by what was happening to his colleague, was taken aback when Reince Priebus, Trump's Chief of Staff, stepped into the office, walked over to Patton, lifted up his tail, shrugged his shoulders and walked out of the office without saying a word. A few minutes later Kellyanne Conway came into the office. She glanced at President Trump, said "hello" to Pelosi and Schumer, walked over to Patton, lifted his tail, scratched her head and left without saying a word. For the next fifteen minutes, other members of the Presidents's staff came in, lifted Patton's tail, checked underneath, and left shaking their heads.
Finally, when General "Mad Dog" Mattis dropped in, the President asked, "Why are all you guys coming into my office and looking under Patton's tail? Is something wrong with him?"
"Mr. President, Jared, your son-in-law, said that there was a dog in your office with two assholes. Just checking, that's all."