Philadelphia Eagles' Kevin Kolb called an early morning press conference to let family, friends and fans know that he is OK, after being K.T.F.O. during the second quarter of the game against the Green Bay NoFavres Sunday.
"I know that backing the fence into the slot would make an owl out of Play-Doh, but it doesn't mean that the lady sitting up is going to see the dog come back," said Kevin Kolb, while making spit bubbles. "For anyone to say that he didn't know what the cake thought, the Entourage season finale had people in it."
That KTFO stands for knocked the f--k out? The More You Know...
"There is nothing wrong with Kevin, which is why we put him back in the game after he had his head drilled 11 inches into the ground," said Head coach Andy Reid, while dunking a KrispY Kreme donut into a vat of drawn butter. "We asked him his name and where he was. He responded 'Bobby Hoying' and 'NFL Purgatory', which was close enough."
When asked whether Michael Vick's play after Kolb's near-death experience created a quarterback controversy, Reid was equally direct: "So my choices are the retard or the guy who killed Lassie, right? Fan-f--king-tastic. Can we trade to get Donovan back? No? Well, I guess we'll be settling for a 6-10 season. What the hell else is new?"
