Coca Cola bosses ready to ditch Rooney from all advertising

Funny story written by Sidney Bollocks

Monday, 13 September 2010


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Coca Cola UK marketing director, Les Rottenteeth.

Coca Cola bosses are reeling from the bad publicity surrounding Wayne Rooney and his now legendary threesomes with Manchester tarts.

UK marketing boss, Les Rottenteeth, said "Coca Cola is a world leading brand and has many decades of proud history of creating hyperactive and obese youngsters. We have always maintained a clean and wholesome family image. These latest revelations are completely at odds with our marketing strategy".

The loss of this contract will be a major blow to Rooney, who is currently paid a shitload of money by the fizzy drink makers for doing very liitle. However, industry insiders are reporting that energy drink Mother is about to sign Rooney to front its new advertising campaign.

It is believed that the new marketing slogan for Mother is something along the lines of 'If you want to be able to bang like a shit house door in the wind, all night long, drink Mother. Wayne Rooney does'.

An alternative slogan for after the 9pm watershed is 'Wanna be a Mother Fucker too?'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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