Economy 'to grow slower in 2011'
London - A leading business group, the British Chambers of Commerce (the BCC for short), issued a stark warning Sunday following the UK's weak exit from recession. Spokesman Jeremy Idle told reporters outside his house that the UK's tallest busine...
Read full storyAsk a Canadian Trapper, They Never Lie
Question: Should Northern rivers be worked after freeze up? Trapper: Definitely yes, the thickened ice is your friend for Winter travel. Question: How long can the beaver hold its breath for under water swimming? Trapper: The average beaver can swim submerged for up to eight minutes. Question: Should I use dead-falls or jaw traps on my local politician? Trapper: Definitely jaw traps...
Read full storyPosh v. Price: The Anticipation
It is rumoured that the forthcoming Oscars Celebration Party held by Sir Elton John will be the location for one of the most anticipated cat-fights of all time. Arch-rivals Katie Price and Victoria Beckham are set to come face to face for the first t...
Read full storySubo's the hostess with the mostest
Nightclubs in London, famous for charging £500 for a bottle of champagne and getting it as well are reporting their quietest trading in many years. You need not look far for the answer. Football (soccer) players, earning thousands of pounds a week...
Read full storySleeping MPs more noisier than pneumatic drill
It was announced last week that Westminster Council had issued a Noise Abatement Order on The House of Commons. Environmental Officer Brian Boggus told the waiting media that the Council had recieved complaints from local residents that the snorin...
Read full storySpoofer With 'Pencil Dick Syndrome' Field Tests Mini-Condoms Designed for UK Market by Swiss!
BBC Sexual Ed Presenter Martin 'Skoob' Shuttlecock was the first in the UK to field test the new Swiss Mini Condom called the 'Hotshot' designed to Jump Start little pricks as they began their life long quest of chasing loose pussy. Mr. Shuttleco...
Read full storySusan Boyle marries Bigfoot
In a bombshell announcement made earlier today, sources close to the UK's singing sensation Susan Boyle have confirmed that the singer is now engaged to be married - to Bigfoot. Bigfoot, the elusive and reclusive monster of North America's woodlan...
Read full storyTipper Gore Admits That Al Going Through Menopause!
Al Gore's wife Tipper has told personal friends that this whole "Global Warming" thing is because her husband is going through menopause. "It hits him at odd times", stated Tipper, to a friend of the family. "If there is such a thing as global war...
Read full storyCheryl Cole Promotes Freedom Of Speech By Wearing Invisible Bikini!
Cheryl Cole has appeared at two different rallies over the weekend where it is against the law to go nude, so she wore an invisible bikini, like the one worn by Ashley Greene in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. She told the suddenly increasi...
Read full storyHatfields, McCoys take feud to new level : Facebook
The century long family war has stepped up to a new level when the Hillbilly families each put up Facebook accounts. Liberally sprinkled with endearing pictures of babies and couples enjoying vacations in different fun spots. The pages also show a...
Read full storyObama's ambassador to London is a massive crook
London - (Gotcha, Bastards!): A red alert has gone out among Royal Parks Police this week after covert CCTV caught the US envoy in an act of gross urination upon Her Majesty's private waters. Louis Susman, Barack Obama's top pick for ambassador t...
Read full storyRed Virus continues to plague the planet
As the red virus continues to plague the planet, bloodbanks have hired extra security as they have heard that hospitals are to be the target of the next invasion by the Red Fanatics. The Crazies have sent out scouts to 'case' hospitals and come back...
Read full storyMan United must change name say European Commission
Manchester United are being forced to make to changes to their world famous and hugely profitable brand name. The European Commission have said that the name "Man United" is too sexist and the club must henceforth call themselves (Wo)Man United.
Read full storyGolf Just Got Easier
Do you remember the par 3 courses where you could play a quick round, get a good-for-you score, maybe get a couple of pars, and be at the bar quicker? Par 3s are great for what they are but for me those courses always felt like, bumpers at bowling, junior size, ladies tee, or senior portions. Well now you can play a PGA type course and beat your best scores, lower your handicap, and feel be...
Read full storyGrandpa Ganja On Problem Solving
When I was a newly arrived refugee from the Rust Belt I thought some of the San Diego regulars might be interested in my first impressions of their excellent city. Then again, some may not. In any case, it is an excellent city. The scenery is remarkable and the climate is nearly perfect. The ocean is conveniently near at hand, mountains ring the place, and the flora and fauna are the e...
Read full storyMichael Jackson Gets His Wish
All his adult life singer, dancer, performer and accused little people player, Michael Jackson wanted to spend most of his time with the wee folk. Now, according to a message left on the mirror after Joe Jackson took a shower, Michael is WITH the lit...
Read full storyGrandpa Ganja On Teaching
After teaching in the public schools of Detroit for three decades, I retired to move west and launch a new career in the writing trade. I actually took early retirement, a move prompted by a "student" who threatened to get a gun and blow my @%&* brains out. The issue was finally decided when his mother was called to school for a conference about the threat and the vicious old bat offered to...
Read full storySusan Boyle sings Someday my prince will come
Susan Boyle's latest song is to be Someday my prince will come from the movie Snow White and the seven dwarfs. Boyle was due to appear in a pantomime at Christmas time Subo and the seven dwarfs but unfortunately the whole idea was scrapped after r...
Read full storyOzone hole heading towards moon, say scientists
According to newly fudged data released by scientists today, the Ozone hole, traditionally said to be over Antarctica, has now broken free from Earth's stratosphere and is drifting towards the moon. Though the news was greeted with cheers by most...
Read full storyGrandpa Ganja On Wine and Heart Attacks
I see where a recent TV show implied one could avoid heart attacks from eating too many fats by drinking a given amount of red wine along with each meal as they do in France. Apparently, the French suffer fewer heart attacks than we do even though they consume red meat and rich sauces and other cholesterol-laden substances in unheard of amounts. They claim the average Frenchman eats a ras...
Read full storyArmy Training Budget Defended by MOD
Top military brass were last night rushing to defend the decision to close down 5 training bases and replace them with X-Boxes and the lastest version of "Call Of Duty". A spokesman dismissed claims this was further evidence of budget reductions i...
Read full storyEpic Oscars Ceremony Expected
The most expensive and longest Oscars ceremony in history is expected this year with creative control and a budget of $1.2trillion handed to "Avatar" director, James Cameron. The extra budget, syphoned off the US government stimulus package as a t...
Read full storyYoko Ono The Cause Of Paul McCartney/Heather Mills Split!
Today, in two separate accounts, both Sir Paul McCartney and Heather Mills blamed Yoko Ono for the split up of their marriage. "Yoko was always calling and telling Paul that I was out with Brad Pitt or some hunk we both knew from my past working w...
Read full storyBecks taking speech therapy from Ozzy
Becks was interviewed today and said, quote "It's twoo, Ahm takin' speech phewapy. I've just wealized da' de main weason Ahm of'en misquo'ed is coz no-body understands me when Ah say stuff." After an emotional pause he continued, "Aving spent time in Milan Ah wealized wot i' woz like no' understandin' anywon like. Yer no wo' Ah mean? Me own kids sometimes look up and say, EH DAD? WHAT D'YA...
Read full storyDick Cheney Shoots His Own Guardian Angel
Former Vice President Dick Cheney has accidentally shot his own Guardian Angel who was guarding him from stray bullets, etc while he was on a recent three day hunting trip for pheasant, according to hunting partners Larry Craig and Sarah Palin. Th...
Read full storySubo's new home in Scotland to have special Wings
Well that didn't take long did it? The Red Scarf fanatics have already heard the news about Subo's new home (Mansion) and are said to be up in arms and beside themselves at the news that part of the Mansion is being used as a Sex Addict's Clinic for...
Read full storyPresident, Congress Amazed As Lake Changes Smell, Shape Every Few Weeks
A lake near Washington, DC has many of those in congress puzzled by it's constant changing in shape and how it smells. Senator John McCain, who lost in the last Presidential campaign to President Barack Obama, told reporters that the rumors are tr...
Read full storyRobert Pattison Hospitalized With Descolada
Several people close to actor Robert Pattinson say they can now discus the strange behavior of actor Robert Pattinson after he finally agreed that something was wrong and he entered the Mays Hospital in Atlanta that specializes in unique and unusual...
Read full storyCalifornia Professors Compare 4% Pay Cut to Holocaust
Berkley, CA (BNSE): California college professors and students took to the streets again today to protest Governor Schwarzenegger's stark austerity plans to bring the deficit burdened California state budget back in line. Chief among their comp...
Read full storyCameron Wife in second Vote Scandal
After the shock news that Samantha Cameron, wife of the Conservative prime ministerial hopeful, has allegedly voted Labour before and may do again, David Cameron is due another setback due to unconfirmed reports in the press tomorrow. The News of...
Read full storySubo's raking it in helping fallen Sports idols
Thanks to the 'bad boys of Sport', Subo is certainly raking in the dough. Having opened her new home and having opened her arms to the likes of sex-addicts John Terry, Tiger Woods, and the like, reportedly charging them one thousand pounds per night...
Read full storyKatie Price and Alex Reid regret decision to get married by a Gary Glitter look-a-like
Old Tango tits and her tango tit have discovered today that they are not actually legally married. The Reverend Mose Henney did not have a proper licence at the time of the ceremony after previously being forced to resign amidst allegations of imp...
Read full storyLocal Midget will not take part in St. Patrick's Day Parade Celebrations
Local midget Ulick Magee, 32, has vowed not to take part in this years - or indeed, any further Saint Patrick's Day parades after last year being dressed like a leprechaun, then tied to the front of a articulated lorry and driven all around the area...
Read full storyHome experiments whilst naked #05
Previous Experiments: Experiment #01 Experiment #02 Experiment #03 Experiment #04 You like Science, admit it. go on. say it out loud. There is no shame to liking science. It is as natural a thing as breathing or falling out of bed when the alarm clock goes off early. Because I know you like science I will try and continue to make you happy. I am that kind of guy. Today, my dear frie...
Read full storySubo invites Tiger Too
The bad boys of English soccer, John Terry and Ashley Cole have been joined at the new home of Susan Boyle by Tiger "serial deceiver" Woods. The singer was asked by her management to take him under her wings as they had heard of the progress with...
Read full storyMonday's International Women's Day will topple evil Opus Day
London - (Armageddinouttahere!): As the benefic planet Venus glides majestically into Aries, the Zodiac's sign of Spring, the stage set is for the downfall of the most evil patriarchal conspiracy since the invention of the Crucifiction and its Twelv...
Read full storyTen things that make Susan Boyle fans, fanatics
1. They love Susan Boyle 2. No criticism, however constructive, is acceptable to them 3. They spend their days and nights on subo fansites 4. They know every airline timetable and how to track any flight in the world 5. Many believe that Susan is the Lord's messenger 6. They never forgive, forget or compromise 7. They believe that every UK newspaper is trash, always reporting fal...
Read full storyKatie Price: I'll Do Cheryl Book First
Critically acclaimed author and literary phenomenon, Katie Price is to write the unofficial autobiography of heartbroken national sweetheart, Cheryl Cole. The book, which Price has given a working title of Cheryl's Seedy, is planned to tarnish Ms...
Read full storyConspiracy nutters website claims Gerry McCann 'is Venables DNA father'
London - (Rioters): In a move that outguns even the most rabidly paranoid UK tabloid reporting leading conspiracy nutters website TinFoilHatters-R-Us.con has named Gerry McCann as Jon Venables' DNA father. The Belize-based cyber-rag also says Brit...
Read full storyR.E.M. the alternative rock band compared to the composer Wagner
Alternative Rock band R.E.M. have been compared to the composer Wagner according to music critic Robert Jones. Robert explained the composer Rossini said "Wagner has brilliant moments but awful half hours." Wagner did write brilliant music like th...
Read full storyTed Kennedy Fathered Twins
Teddy, of Chappaquiddick fame, has again amazed his fans and distracters. In 1973, while on a campaign trip to eastern Massachusetts, Teddy met Linda Mae Amherst Jones. Jones was a campaign assistant and granddaughter of a rumrunner under the employee of old man Joseph Kennedy. Apparently Joneses grandmother, who drove a prohibition era whiskey truck, had a tryst with old Joe resulting i...
Read full storyBookmaker offers 5000-1 if you can prove God exists
Bookmaker Barry Banks is offering odds of 5000-1 if you can prove the existence of God. Barry explained that some people would bet on anything we are not certain about,as well as the daily bets on horse racing,football etc Barry takes bets on Aliens...
Read full storyKatie Price's Unreal Marriage
Best selling author Katie Price has found herself on dodgy ground today as the validity of her second marriage to cross-dressing cage-fighter Alex Reid has been called into question. As I reported a few weeks ago Alex was created for Price by her...
Read full storyMick Jagger says: Neo-Con was Really About Dick Cheney
London, England - Mick Jagger has come out after recent comments by Dick Cheney regarding the Obama administration, to say his song My Sweet Neo-Con was actually all about Cheney. "The real Dick is Dick Cheney," says Jagger, "George W. Bush could...
Read full storyKatie Price: Yet Another Exclusive
Katie Price has exclusively revealed how her ex-husband is exclusively trying to destroy her career. Aussie singer, Peter Andre, was exclusively married to Katie for five years, but they exclusively split and exclusively divorced last year. Speaki...
Read full storyNewton's law of motion proved incorrect
A scout troop from Blackpool set out to show Newton's law of motion in action. According to the law, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Although the example used in modern day science books would be alien to Sir Isaac, it is stated t...
Read full storyTiger says "I'll be back" after meeting Arnie
Tiger Woods planned comeback to golf, is due to a meeting with Arnold Schwarzenegger,who has had several meetings with Tiger to help him make his comeback. Everywhere he goes now Tiger keeps saying the catchphrase, used by Arnie in the 1984 film T...
Read full storyCheryl Cole's Dressing Room Scandal
Heartbroken Cheryl Cole has maintained her dignified silence all weekend in the face of increasing public outcry. Cheryl was betrayed by her friend, Soldsoul, when he spoke to reporters about a chat he had with her whilst she prepared for a performa...
Read full storyGarden of Exotic Flowers
Flowers often smell pleasant. In fact, the fragrance is a cordial invitation sent to interested parties, such as humming birds or honey bees, to show up for a house warming party. Visitors after arrival in turn gently fondle the stamen of the plant. Of course, there is some nectar refreshment to go round. During this play, the bottle-shape stigma wide opens and receives the pollen to enter the...
Read full storyDon't Ask, Don't Tell, Kindles View iPad Launch
Kindles await with dread April 3, when the long-awaited Apple iPad will officially go on sale in the U. S. Like the Kindle, the iPad serves as an electronic reader, although it does a number of other things as well. It's clearly a competitor, but o...
Read full storyNaomi Campbell To Star With Kanye West and Chris Brown In "The Three Stooges Come To Harlem"
NEW YORK CITY - Naomi Campbell, known as "Nasty Naomi" for the way she treats people who work for her such as maids, chauffeurs, nappy-hair fixers, cooks, and tanning specialists has signed on to star in a Chula Vista Pictures film entitled, The Thre...
Read full storyUK and Holland agree to melt Iceland
As the population of Iceland prepare to vote 'No' in a referendum to pay back the UK and Holland after the collapse of Icesave Bank in 2008, the British and Dutch governments have agreed to send a task force of debt collectors to deliver a simple mes...
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