Spoofer With 'Pencil Dick Syndrome' Field Tests Mini-Condoms Designed for UK Market by Swiss!

Written by Morse

Sunday, 7 March 2010


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Spoofer With 'Pencil Dick Syndrome' Field Tests Mini-Condoms Designed for UK Market by Swiss!
Swiss Counter Display of Colorful Mini Condoms for Kids and 'Pencil Dicks!"

BBC Sexual Ed Presenter Martin 'Skoob' Shuttlecock was the first in the UK to field test the new Swiss Mini Condom called the 'Hotshot' designed to Jump Start little pricks as they began their life long quest of chasing loose pussy.

Mr. Shuttlecock, who in the past has acknowledged his own inadequacy in the male enhancement department, is said to have been behind the drive to have the Swiss develop and test the product in Switzerland first, before breaking into the hot UK market which leads Europe in the number of births by preteen girls.

Switzerland, noted for their Swiss Cheese, and Bankers with Tight Arses and attitudes Holier than Thou, have not been known for producing leak proof sexual aides, and hence the field testing on their own children first to prove reliability.

During his late Friday night show which had been devoted to Oral Sex and Masturbation Techniques practiced in Australia's outback, Skoob used a discussion of Kangaroo Pouches as a segue into the mini-condoms and his decision to try one out whilst Telecasting live!

While the camera remained focused on Skoob's face, he proceeded to try one on under the desk, shielded from the public, whilst describing the packaging, presentation, unwrapping and ease of use.

"Well mates, if I was a laddie, I'd love this! Bright package, Avatar like creatures and young girls in short skirts ...definite counter appeal."

" Price a bit steep though for a 12 year old, $7.05 US for a package of 6, but I suppose they could be recycled a few times! Speaking strictly for meslef, $14.10 for the year wouldn't be a budget buster."

"Now for ease of entry to the packet, always important when you're an impatient 12 year old! Ahhh, easy rip off tab, could do it with your teeth if both your hands were busy elsewhere."

"Wow, nice feature. Spring loaded. Pull the tab, the first little condom jumps right to hand! Nice, slid right on to my pinky, snug but not uncomfortable, and just enough lube for ease of fit!"

"Now for the test!" The camera featured a close up of Skoob as he gritted his teeth, furrowed his eyebrows, and appeared to be concentrating on a bowel movement. But now, a sense of astonishment and relief took over his countenance!

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I have to tell you. This is pure pleasure. Finally I've found a condom that fits me like a glove, is easy to deploy, has lovely packaging, " pausing and looking down, " and looks real good on too!"

Mercifully BBC broke for a commercial so all we know is the build up to the climax, and not the final gobsmacking crescendo!

The manufacturer did say the condoms were 1.7 inches wide as compared to the 'standard' of 2", adequate for anyone under 12, or adults afflicted with "Pencil Dick Syndrome!"

Incidence of pregnancies are down amongst preteens according to stats, but sexual activity is up now that boys are telling little girls, "Look, my pencil won't hurt you....it comes with it's own eraser!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more