Local Man Attends Hateful Bastard Summit

Written by St Patrick

Thursday, 4 March 2010

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Bastard

Local man Tom Wilbourne - a self-proclaimed hateful bastard - is in attendance at the International Hateful Bastards Summit in Blackpool.

Tom, 25, says he is honoured to be representing the local community and rubbing shoulders with some of the planets most hideously distasteful fucking pricks.

Stalls have been set up to showcase international traditions of bastardum such as Australian immigration searches, the election policy of Iran, and Scotland's infamous 'tossing a half pint of ale at the black fella'.

Tom will be demonstrating his 'setting farts on fire' technique at a special skills booth sponsored by Tesco.

Special guest speaker Tony Blair will be giving a keynote address on being a conniving, grinning cunt, whilst Roman Polanski will be showing younger audience members his own magic tricks - such as 'hide the turnip' and then disappearing for several decades.

Hoteliers in Blackpool have been doing a brisk trade. Waitresses described how they were 'well used to' bastards acting like knobs but that they were trying to adapt to such a huge influx of them all at once.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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