At a hastily prepared press conference today Ski Wax Company Ya-Sure-You-Betcha disclosed their secret ingredient in their amazing racing wax - ear wax.
Believing the secret was already in the hands of industrial espionage agents Betcha told the public before their archrival did. The secret is that a small quantity of Human Ear Wax is added during the manufacturing process that produces a super fast ski surface that adapts to differing conditions like wet snow, powder, or ice. But why would Betcha give away so much?
After dozens of years of quietly selling the fastest wax on the planet Ya-Sure-You-Betcha got greedy. They hooked up with the Albanian mafia to get their supplies for 10 Cents on the dollar.
Ear wax produced by the elderly who eat a Mediterranean diet is the premium commodity and it is cheap in Albania. Betcha, rather than paying for their product, had taken up with the Albanian mafia to secure the goods illegally.
Mafia personnel posing as Ear 'Doctors' circulate through nursing homes and private residences to extract the valuable take. The individuals who are being used can indeed hear better but receive no remuneration.
Betcha however was entangled with the wrong guys who had other nefarious deals being watched by the law. The Albanians were dealing in radioactive goodies with the axis of evil countries. The freight destined for Norway looked like shipments destined for Iran. Confused Interpol seized the shipment in Oslo. It was just ear wax but a jumpy Betcha spilled the beans.
