These are the top ten reasons for NOT accepting RED into your lives: submitted by an anonymous writer known merely as 'WHO'.
10. Red lingerie stands for danger, always has and always will.
9. Red is Satan's colour.
8. Red lights are the ones most people 'run' and get tickets for. The orange and green ones are safe.
7. Red electric rings glowing on your stove should NOT be touched with your bare fingers.
6. Red food colouring is said to send children crazy. They apparently grow out of it when they reach 13. Or earlier if their paranoid parens get tired of making the same excuse for the brattish behaviour of their offspring.
5. Red leather, yellow leather, if spoken quickly 6 times can result in you becoming tongue tied.
4. Red Rose is the Lancashire emblem and I come from Yorkshire no matter what others may tell you.
3. Red tableclothes - if placed on your dining table, can seep through to your food and, if you eat it, turn you into a blessing lunatic.
2. Red is the colour predominant in all paintings of Hell.
AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON FOR NOT ACCEPTING RED INTO YOUR LIVES IS: IF YOU DO then you will begin to speak with an American accent no matter where in the world you were born and will, uncontrollably, find yourselves falling to your knees and bursting into prayer. You will have NO control over when and where this happens.
This is obviously YOUR decision. If you want more information on how to avoid accepting RED into your lives, please don't bother trying to find out, because all the sane people I know, knew this a hell of a long time ago.
