Hadron Collider Black Hole Swallows Obama: Only White Teeth Visible
From Switzerland, news of the Large Hadron Collider being revved up brought questions concerning the possible creation of a black hole that might swallow the earth. Professor Parsons, head of operations at the Swiss facility, had the following to...
Read full storyQueen plans April Fools Day spoof
London - (Rioters): In an amusing plan to give freeloading, money-grubbing politicans a massive jolt the Queen is planning to feign death on April Fools Day. The cunning payback plot sees Prime Monster Gorgon Brown rush round to Clarence House to...
Read full storyRocker Beck Removes "c" in name to Disassociate Self from Glenn Beck
Totally cool indie rocker, Beck, has had enough of being confused with Glenn Beck on the internet and is finally taking steps to disassociate himself once and for all with the name Beck. The music superstar has decided to revert back to his real...
Read full storyDancing With The Stars: Kate Gosselin Pisses Off Tony Dovolani Big Time!
HOLLYWOOD - Tony Dovolani is a world champion dance instructor who has captured dozens of world-wide awards. Tony Dovolani is a class act who can take a woman with two left feet, no rhythm, no soul, some cellulite, and no coordination and mold he...
Read full storyPavlovian Dog Mimics Chris Matthews, Tingles When Obama Speaks
Dr. Ivan Pavlov, the Russian physiologist who won the Nobel Prize in 1904 for his classical conditioning response using dogs, would be pleased to know that this type of conditioning elicited the same type of response with MSNBC propagandist, Chris Ma...
Read full storyMajor League pitchers tired of having teams' hopes thrown on their shoulders
A coalition of Major League pitchers announced today that they are disgusted and fed up with having the hopes and dreams of their respective cities pinned on them despite the era of the dominant pitcher rapidly ending. "For too long, we have had u...
Read full storyTwilight Author Meyer Has New Twilight Book Coming Out In June!
NEW YORK - Attention "Twilight" fans: Stephenie Meyer has a new book coming out according to just released news on the UBYN Station in Utah. Little, Brown Books for Young Readers is scheduled to be released on June 5th, "The Short Second Life of...
Read full storyMessi Slighted By Wenger Insult
The scene was set, Arsenal v. Barcelona. Wenger in a press conference. Messi in attendance. Messi's scintillating form in La Liga has led to many pundits branding him the finest footballer on the planet. However, veteran gaffer Wenger, claimed th...
Read full storyIrish National Assets Management Agency to buy Pope's toxic debts
Shergar, Co Louse - (Altar Buoys): The newly incorporated Irish Bad Ass Bank is to buy the first tranche of $500 million papal bad debts. These are in the form of sub-primate loans taken out to pay off abuse vitims and/or continue doling out hush-...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson Caught Nude After Pants Stolen!
Twilight Actor Robert Pattinson seemed undisturbed after his pants and shorts were ripped off of him yesterday by three female fans, perhaps because he had a lot to show them. The incident happened yesterday at Maddame Tussaud's Wax Museum in New...
Read full storyPresident Obama Signs King James Version of New Health Care Bill Into Law
WASHINGTON - President Obama recently signed the latest version of the new health care bill, the King James version, into law after it passed through congress with much hatred and animosity. The bill, roughly 2,800 pages long, entails a universa...
Read full storyWedding couple each chips
Pencer and Ms NacFayden have been allowed to eat chips again - A groom-to-be has been allowed to eat chips again after a McCains dropped its law suit over him buying from his local chippy. Nobert Pencer, 13, from Yerth, was banned from contacting...
Read full storySandra Bullock To Jesse James: It's Over!
Sandra Bullock has announced that her marriage is over and is immediately filing for a divorce from husband, Jesse James. "He's been all over the news and he doesn't seem to care what they print about him of how it affects me. I've had enough. It'...
Read full storyA well known crap Latino singer "Comes Out" and the question remains, who isn't?
Well we've heard it all before, Rock Hudson, James Dean, Kermit the Frog, Little Britain, George Michael, Miss Piggy, Welsh rugby players, Irish curling players, Tom Cruise, Rasputin, Hitler, Freddy Mercury, Elton John, Boy George, even Casanova had...
Read full storySandy Berger Donates Socks To Smithsonian
When former Clinton National Security Advisor, Sandy Berger stuffed purloined classified documents into his socks while visiting the National Archives back in 2003, who would have guessed that these same socks would be placed next to those worn by Ab...
Read full storyCameron: Spoof Ricky Martin Spoofs Are a Glorious Example of Self-Regulation at Work
'Dave' Cameron, the cool leader of the once-hated UK Conservative party, today held up the leading satirical website The Spoof as a glowing example of how self-regulation can work for good in tomorrow's Britain today. In a speech to leading media...
Read full storyNew Old Age Replacing New Age as New Age-Old Age
In the blink of an eye, the New Age will be over, and the New Old Age will take over. Sources close to the divine greatness himself known only as a whisper have confirmed that before the end of the second decade of 2000, the world, as we know it, wi...
Read full storySir Alex Ferguson promises Bayern Munich fans, "we'll pull the Bayern player's Lederhosen (Knickerbockers) down and smack their bums tonight!"
Sir Alex, ahead of tonights Preussian vs Mancurian titanic clash, has latched on to an ancient Bavarian tradition and promised the Bayern Munich fans the following: "We will pull the the Lederhosen's of the Bayern Players down and smack their bott...
Read full storyI am proud to be Barry, says pop star Ricky Martin
The singer said writing his shopping list had helped him with his decision. Bristol born pub singer Ricky Martin has announced his real name is Barry Mealive, ending years of speculation over his real name. Martin, who has sold more than 6 cds...
Read full storyLady Gaga, Sir Elton John Announce Wedding Plans
Lady Gaga says that falling for Sir Elton John was the most natural thing in the world. "It seems to me to be a perfect match. Elton and I share many things, I guess you would say. I mean, who's the head of glamour rock but Elton, maybe Adam Lambe...
Read full storySarah Harding To Focus On Thespian Career - Oo-Er Mrs!
Bikini clad Girls Aloud blonde bombshell uber babe Sarah Harding today confirmed to us that the rumours relating to her putting her singing career on the back-burner in order to concentrate on her acting are indeed true. Sarah was delighted to lea...
Read full storyRaging Cheryl Cole Demands To Know Where She Stands With Derek Hough As Nicole Sherzinger Pics Hit The Streets
As pics hit the tabloids of Pussycat Doll Nicole Sherzinger frolicking about with Dancing Derek Hough, Cheryl Cole is probably sitting alone somewhere wondering just exactly WTF is going on here. Although there is no evidence to suggest that the d...
Read full storySex-Op Double Murderer To Marry Lesbo Killer Lover
The forthcoming marriage between sex-swap Psycho Douglas Wakefield - who killed his uncle 36 years ago, and also murdered an inmate at Parkhurst - and lethal Lesbian Thelma Purchase - jailed 2 years ago after suffocating the disabled man she was cari...
Read full storyPope Predictably Pissed at Predecessor's Pickle
VATICAN CITY (ABSNN) -- TheSpoof.com's ace Religion reporter, Skoob1999, filed this dispatch this morning following an exclusive interview with Pope Bentedick XVI: "Ja, I'm pissed off that JPII got off so easily by up and dying five years ago. Th...
Read full storyColin Farrell: Go West, Jung Man!
According to various inside sources, paid to forever remain so, perpetual pub-crawling party boy, Colin Farrell, has agreed in principle to an emergency last ditch offer from seat-of-the-pants husband & wife producing team, F. Buddy Rose and Ana...
Read full storyVagrant ejected from Commons claims to be an MP
House of Commons officials today apprehended a vagrant who they found asleep in the chamber on one of the Labour front benches. The man was escorted from the Palace of Westminster to loud protests by a phalanx of security men and it later transpir...
Read full storyRicky Martin To Appear With Nina Dobrev On "The Vampire Dairies"
HOLLYWOOD - The gay world's newest member Ricky "Licky" Martin has just stated that he has signed on to star in an episode of The Vampire Dairies. Martin will star as Elena Gilbert (Nina Dobrev's) long lost cousin Alphonse Du Chateau who arrives i...
Read full storySarah Harding, Cheryl Cole, and Nadine Coyle Say Ricky Martin Is Real Pretty And They Support "Her"
LONDON - In a surprise move 60 percent of the British all-girl band Girls Aloud stated pubicly, ah lets make that publicly, that they totally support Ricky Martin in his 'coming out' party. Cheryl Cole, Sarah Harding, and Nadine Coyle all agreed t...
Read full storyColin Powell Installs New Government Following Coup. National Debt Decreases Overnight.
From his temporary Oval Office platform the venerated former General and Secretary of State Colin Powell announced that his takeover of the Country has been effortless and that the elimination of 'business as usual' resulted in a five hundred billion...
Read full storyOprah Had Orgasm During Humpback 'Heat Run' Voiceover
Oprah Winfrey's personal assistant announced today that the megastar/cash cow is not a Diva but in fact no different than the average American and just as sexually viable. Ms. Winfrey is regarded as the most respected and admired African-American...
Read full storyUK Independence Party Holds Secret Meeting of Executive Committee
UKIP has convened a secret meeting of the party's executive committee in a beach hut in Morecambe. UKIP National Secretary Britony Albion agreed to talk to this reporter on the seafront. "We wanted to hold the meeting as far away from Europe as p...
Read full storyPresident Obama Told That Ricky Martin Is Gay Asks "Dean Martin's Son?"
WATERLOO, Iowa - President Barack Obama was in town to kick off The 97th Annual Corncob Tossing Championship and 17 Mile Three-Legged Corn Sack Race. He was asked what he thought about the former Menudo singing sensation Ricky Martin coming out. T...
Read full storyCount Dracula Biting Mad Over Viagra Not Working
Count Dracula, in an interview very early this morning, stated that Viagra did not help him and that he had already tried the other stuff. "Here I have most of the night every single night and what am I going to do after my snack, IF I can find on...
Read full storyAshley Greene Says Baby Not Pattinsons
Ashley Greene says that she would like nothing better than to stand the media on it's head and announce that she is carrying the baby of Robert Pattinson. "Wouldn't that be a lark?" But she also told bug-eyed reporters that she would not do tha...
Read full storyCoronation Street actress charged with serious acting
Coronation Street extra actress Patty Clever has been charged with serious acting in Greater Manchester, police confirmed. The 96-year-old, who plays the Street's taxi passenger Ihave Nohope, was stopped near her home in Northsoutheast&west in...
Read full storyChocolate can cut your leg off - Easter eggs may contain blades in future!
Easter eggs and other chocolate can now through a loop hole in an old law carry blades and other weapons, as long as they are not the locking type that have been banned since 1903 unless sold only in small amounts, latest research suggests. The st...
Read full storyChinese Drug Baron: "Google To Blame for Meow Meow-Led 'Drug Tsunami'"
Meow Meow, the drug that has destroyed so many lives, is set to be outlawed in a matter of days. The lethal drug - real name mephedrone - will probably be made a Class B substance like Amphetamines and Cannabis. However, even when the ban - set...
Read full storyHollywood Beckons For London Mayor 'Boris the Blade' Johnson
The Mayor of London, Boris Karloff-Johnson is to have a Marvell-ous Comic and Hollywood movie made about his cycling exploits on the murderous roads of London Town. The Mayor, who recently fought off muggers with an iron bar and helped an 90 yr...
Read full storyJT Can't Keep the Gnome Fires Burning Like Rio
Love rat and former England and Chelsea statue John Terry has failed miserably to take a leaf out of Rio Ferdinand's book on happy families, writes Virginia Ratpoison. Ferdinand recently bought four garden gnomes for his Cheshire mansion, and had...
Read full storyKatie Price: I'm Bigger Than Peter Andre
Eyelash magnet Katie Jordan Price Reid (formerly Andre) has today announced that she will go head-to-head against her ex-husband for the remainder of his sell-out UK tour. At her Daily Price Conference Katie said, "I'm totally over Pete, and as yo...
Read full storySteamy Nadal vid made me gay says Ricky Martin
New York - (Men Nudo): "Magnificent body! Gave me goosebumps all night long all over my own stonking pelotas," Martin commented today. Speaking in his fist official interview since coming out on Monday singer Ricky Martin told celebwatch site LA F...
Read full storySuBo fanatic gets lost!
An unnamed Susan Boyle fanatic on her way to Japan to see SuBo perform was last night found in Jamaica after accidentally getting on the wrong plane. "I had accidentally left my glasses at home, so I couldn't quite see what the departure screen sa...
Read full storyPixie Lott wants to go on Leprechaun Hunt at weekend
Pixie Lott actress,dancer ,singer-songwriter wants to go on the Leprechaun Hunt at the weekend in the small town of Carlingford in Ireland. Thousands of people will be invading Carlingford looking to capture little people this weekend. The Nationa...
Read full storyKerry Katona Voted Most Inspirational Women Of Year
Troubled socialite, Kerry Katona, has recently been crowned the most inspirational woman of the year. Katona, blighted by drug-fuelled controversies over the last year, will be elated with the win. She said of the triumph "It is about time I was r...
Read full storyMurderer gives himself up after years on the run
Convicted Murderer Bill Posters has given himself up years after escaping from Barlinnie Prison in Glasgow. Posters confessed when he surrendered himself at a police station in Easterhouse (nothing to do with the fact that easter is coming up)in Glas...
Read full storyRicky Martin is GAY!
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Los Angeles - Today Ricky Martin announced... guess what? He's GAY! + Elton John swooned, Patrick Harris swished, Ellen asked him to bend over and motioned with a cigar, and Clay Akin serenaded him. Gay celebrities we...
Read full storyBig Bad Wolf Not So Bad Just Misunderstood
To begin at the beginning, the Big Bad Wolf started out as a cute little cub who everyone adored, as we do with baby things of any species. For the first 2 years of his life all went well, then he got in with a 'bad crowd'. It was around this time...
Read full storyMary Mary Oh so bloody Quite Contrary
Mary Mary So Contrary - How does your garden grow? Well now we know. To hell with the silver bells and cockle shells and pretty maids all in a row. Mary was, indeed, growing Mari, Mara, Marew....OK. So I can't spell it. Big bloody deal. She wa...
Read full storyThe truth about Jack and Jill
The truth about Jack and Jill going up the hill is finally out. Yes, little innocent Jack and Jill said they were going up the hill to 'get a pail of water'. NOT TRUE The guy from the movie 'Deliverance' - the one who ran around telling the fat f...
Read full storyThe truth about Miss Muffet
It's true, Little Miss Muffet DID sit on a TUFFET eating her CURDS and WHEY. There are many hidden messages in the so called nursey rhymes we learned as children. They were written by very sick adults. For 'tuffet' read 'private parts'. For '...
Read full storyHumpty Dumpty in Pieces
It's true! Humpty Dumpty is said to be 'in pieces' after his latest fall from Grace. He was getting a bit too old to be climbing walls and had recently started dating another chucky egg called Grace. She is an Extra Large egg whilst Humpty is...
Read full storyCatastrophe for cats as Miaow Miaow is banned
Cillian Murphy known to his friends as Silly is really concerned after hearing Miaow Miaow is to be banned. He just happened to catch the headline in a newspaper and now he is wondering what he is going to do about his cats Pat and Mick. "Cats...
Read full storyRicky Martin states the obvious
Ricky Martin, the one-hit wonder of Living La Vida Loca fame, has announced today that he is gay. His publicity company had advised him to keep his secret hidden, to stay firmly in the closet, as openly admitting he likes men could harm his career...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart claim Michael Jackson did not do moon walk it was Neil Armstrong
Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart have been discussing the late Michael Jackson and have agreed that Jackson did not do the moonwalk,it was Neil Armstrong when he said "That's one small step for man,one giant leap for mankind". Armstrong alle...
Read full storyChurch leaders argue over start of the week
Easter is the biggest festival of the Christian Calendar. Although children prefer Christmas, Easter lasts four days not one, and Chocolate eggs can be eaten to excess. Approaching this most sacred of weekends, a massive row has broken out in the Cat...
Read full storyDeath tax postponed until idiots vote Labour back in
The secret details of Labours Death tax can now be revealed. Alastair Dullthing and even duller thing Gordon Brown, had planned to introduce a DEATH TAX, so that not only can they screw you to the wall with the worlds highest taxes while your living,...
Read full storyGay Man Admits to Being Ricky Martin
Fans of homosexuals were left reeling last night when it turned out that one of their number was in fact deeply mediocre hip-jangler Ricky Martin. The Livin' La Vida Loca singer had managed to avoid coming out for the last two decades with a serie...
Read full storyRicky Martin To Star As Elton John In "Boa's and Lace - The Elton John Story"
LONDON - Ricky Martin met with executives of Castle Moat Pictures and will be appearing in May in the Amaretto Monteverdi film Boa's and Lace - The Elton John Story. Martin said that ever since he was first offered the role back in November he wan...
Read full storyRicky Martin Asked To Return His Kids Choice Award For Best Male Role Model
LOS ANGELES - The Kids Choice Awards Steering Committee met in emergency session and voted 12 to 1 to ask Ricky "In A Gay Way" Martin to please have the common courtesy and decent decency to return the Kids Choice Award for Best Male Role Model that...
Read full storyCelebrity Apprentice: Darryl Strawberry Quits - Strikes Out 1, 2, 3
MANHATTAN - In what has got to be one of the strangest ever editions of Celebrity Apprentice on record, ex-major league baseball player Darryl Strawberry told Donald Trump that he wanted to be fired. Trump was so shocked that his hairdo almost fel...
Read full storyCanada's National Anthem Facing Changes in Lyrics
Canada's National Anthem is so out of date that citizens are calling for the lyrics to be changed in order to address the ever changing 'faces' of Canadians. One line, especially, is said to be so out of date it should be taken to the Human Rights...
Read full storySimon Cowell's Ex-Girlfriend Pixie Lott Has Nude Photos of Him She Wants To Sell Him
LONDON - Last summer Simon Cowell and singer Pixie Lott were quite an item. Cowell and Lott were both virtually inseparable even though there was a 30 year age difference between them. Lott and Cowell did have similar interests. Pixie liked to wea...
Read full storyHumpty Dumpty in pieces
It's true! Humpty Dumpty is said to be 'in pieces' after his latest fall from Grace. He was getting a bit too old to be climbing walls and had recently started dating another chucky egg called Grace. She is an Extra Large egg whilst Humpty is...
Read full storyKatie Price Confronts Angry Mob
Britain's most private couple, Alex Reid and Katie Price, were confronted by a group of protesters over the weekend as they arrived at a top London nightspot. Stepping out of Pricey's hot pink diamante encrusted horsebox with a TV camera crew, the co...
Read full storyJesse James Says That He Has Never Met Ricky Martin
LONG BEACH, California - Soon-to-be-ex-husband of Sandra Bullock, Jesse "Dick With Feet" James wants it made perfectly clear that he has never met Ricky Martin, alias "Purple" Martin. James said that he was asked if there was any chance that the e...
Read full storyRicky Martin Finally Admits It - He Was Livin' La Gay Vida Loca
NEW YORK CITY - After years and years of denial, going back to his singing days in the boy band Menudo, and later in the older boy band Caldo, and presently in the male band Los Taquitos, Ricky Martin has announced in his official web site that he is...
Read full storyBlowton Diet Takes Off
Clark Blowton has made headlines again for "The Blowton Diet". While most other diets are based on reducing food intake and increasing exercise the "The Blowton Diet" promises you can eat all you want laying in bed drinking a big bottle of white...
Read full storySarah Harding Livid Following Ricky Martin 'Gay' Revelation
Girls Aloud's very own bikini-babe blonde-bombshell Sarah Harding was said to be absolutely livid, spitting feathers, hopping mad, bloody furious, and borderline ballistic as Latino heart-throb Ricky Martin chose to announce that he's gay at the very...
Read full storySarah Harding Snapped By Papps In Amsterdam S&M Neo-Nazi Sex Show Romp
A thoroughly unscrupulous papparazzi gang were last night offering high quality photographs of Sarah Harding taking part in a live sex show in Amsterdam to the highest bidder. The gang remained constantly on the move around the West End as they co...
Read full storyGarbage Stinks Up Whole Town!
Citizens of Sauce Parlor, Arkansas have been complaining about the stenth from a once small garbage area near town that has grown tremendously as the population grew. "We have tried burying it but the stink still rises to the top", stated Mayor Fr...
Read full storyIs Ricky Martin Jesse James' #5?
The latest speculation coming out of La-La Land is that recently outed Ricky Martin may have been the fifth 'mistress' of ruthless outlaw and tattoo aficionado Jesse James. Jesse James recently admitted to an 11-month extra-martial affair with tat...
Read full storyFr Francois DuBois Arrested Again In NASCAR Bar Brawl
West 'By God' Virginia - Disgraced bogus priest Father Francois DuBois SJ heaped yet more shame upon his accursed soul last night when he was arrested yet again over a barroom brawl that left seven men in the hospital and a cocker spaniel bitch in a...
Read full storyPalin & US Versus Putin & Russia! Will There Be War?
After much argument over the past year, Russia's Vladimir Putin is still claiming that the North Pole, with all its mineral rights under the ocean, belongs to Russia! Not only has the United States disputed Putin, but so have Canada, Norway and De...
Read full storyRicky Martin Gay - Who's Next?
Raving poofter Ricky Martin has finally taken his balls out of his mother's purse and admitted that he is gay. In a career spanning three decades, the spineless lothario was all the time living la vida homo, but never admitting to it; instead he h...
Read full storyWhite House Reviews Castro's Cuba, Likes What It Sees!
The Obama administration has been watching film after film of how Fidel Castro saved his island home from greedy millionaires and made it a Paradise for the working man, if they had jobs. "We think we are capable of doing the same thing here where...
Read full storyThe "Sun" abandons print run halfway through
The Sun newspaper had to stop printing last night when the press ran out of asterisks. Angry Sun readers jammed the switchboard and a large noisy crowd gathered outside the Wapping headquarters early this morning, demanding to know if the paper would...
Read full storyAtheists Get Ready to Cash in on the Rapture
In a post-rapture world, it is believed that atheists and agnostics may be faced with horrendous living conditions on Earth. However, it doesn't have to be the end of the world. With pre- and post-rapture business opportunities already beginning to s...
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