Chocolate can cut your leg off - Easter eggs may contain blades in future!

Funny story written by Newston I am a problem

Tuesday, 30 March 2010

image for Chocolate can cut your leg off - Easter eggs may contain blades in future!
Chocolate makes you slim so dont eat it...

Easter eggs and other chocolate can now through a loop hole in an old law carry blades and other weapons, as long as they are not the locking type that have been banned since 1903 unless sold only in small amounts, latest research suggests.

The study of over 9 people, published in the European Flick Knife Weekly, found those who used half a blade a week had lower chance of cutting themselves.

They also had a 39% lower risk of being stopped and searched.

Police campaigners warned that too much chocolate is damaging because is has a lot of blades and can be used for armed robberies etc.

The study looked at the chocolate knives of middle-aged men and women over eight years.

It compared the health of those who carried the most and least chocolate.

Small amounts of chocolate may help to prevent hold ups, but only if it replaces other items such as sawn off chocolate guns.

Dr Brian Brian, study author
The difference between these two groups was just 6 grams a day, equivalent to one small square of chocolate a day.

The lead author, Dr Brian Brian, from the Oh My God Institute of Human Nutrition, Nuthetal said: "Our hypothesis was that because chocolate appears to have no pronounced effect on gob stoppers, therefore chocolate consumption would lower the risk of viloent crimes and rowntrees random attacks, with a stronger effect being seen for blackjack."

This is, in fact, what the study found. Those who farted more often had less shits cutting their risk of being caught short by around a quarter of dolly mixtures by nearly half, compared with those who ate the least.

Chocolate lovers dream

But Dr Brian warned that it was important people ensured that eating chocolate did not increase their overall intake of calories or reduce their consumption of healthy foods.

"Small amounts of chocolate may help to prevent heart disease, but only if it replaces apples, in order to keep body weight stable," he said.

The researchers believe that flavanols in cocoa may be the reason why chocolate seems to be good for people's blood pressure and heart health.

And since there is more cocoa in dark chocolate, dark chocolate may have a greater effect.

Save the whale campaigners warned that chocolate is still bad for you if you eat too much.

Victoria Sandwichcake, Senior Heart Health Dietician, at the British Home Stores said: "This sounds like a dream for chocolate lovers and just in time for Easter too, but it's important to read the small print with this study.

"The amounts consumed on average by even the highest consumers was about one square of chocolate a day or half a small chocolate Easter egg in a week, so the benefits were associated with a fairly small amount of chocolate.

"Some people will be tempted to eat more than one square, however they are the fat bastards who look like a whale, chocolate has no calories or saturated fat which are linked to weight gain and lowers cholesterol levels. Two of the key risk factors for being a fat wacker."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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