The forthcoming marriage between sex-swap Psycho Douglas Wakefield - who killed his uncle 36 years ago, and also murdered an inmate at Parkhurst - and lethal Lesbian Thelma Purchase - jailed 2 years ago after suffocating the disabled man she was caring for in order to inherit his money - has been condemned as "beyond satire" by a prison source, but it is only the latest in a long line of bizarre behind-bars couplings that make a laughing stock of the Prison System, The Daily Vile can reveal.
Wakefield began his career as a man named Douglas. After qualifying as a murderer and being locked up for life, he underwent gender reassignment in an £11000 operation funded by taxpayers. He is now called "Tai" and will wed dyke Purchase, who he met and wooed after being moved to New Hall prison.
However, this kind of thing is "rapidly becoming the norm behind bars", a prison insider told The Daily Vile yesterday.
"Only last month Vic Strangler, the jockey-throttler - who had the sex swap op after he started putting chintz curtains up and knitting jumpers for the other lifers in Broadmoor - married Miz Manley, the lesbian midwife murderess", our informant told us.
"Before that we had Charlie Gripper, the triple-murdering rapist Beast of Rottingdean - who underwent genital reconstruction surgery and changed his name to Millicent Frimple. His cell is now full of doilies and scatter cushions. Millicent got hitched to Butch Wilkins, who used to be a nun called Helen, until she poisoned her Mother Superior and ended up in jail, where she became X Wing arm-wrestling champion, had the op, grew a moustache, and met Millicent at the Greco-Roman wrestling class."
Our source paused to empty the gin-bottle into his glass, before dropping his biggest bombshell.
"At Yokehurst Prison in Norfolk, last September, we had Maurice "Molly" Mulligan, the baby boiler, who was a man, then became a woman, then became a lesbian, then became a gay man, and is currently a celibate gay cross-dressing hermaphrodite with interests in book-binding and erotic amputation. (S)he married the prison governor, Lesley "Leslie" Lesley, who is a former builders merchant called Les Leigh. Lesley never had the op, and prefers to switch from gender to gender as the fancy takes him/her. This suits Mulligan most of the time, apart from Wednesday afternoons, which is the time when Lesley likes to dress up as Napoleon for a couple of hours. Mulligan is struggling to adjust to this, as his/her interest in erotic amputation gives him/her an attraction to Lord Nelson.
"The couple are currently enrolled on a £25000 taxpayer-funded course of psycho-gender synchronisation treatment in order to iron out the kinks in their relationship.
"These people are really taking the mickey out of the system. And the prisoners are little better", concluded our prison source.
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