Count Dracula, in an interview very early this morning, stated that Viagra did not help him and that he had already tried the other stuff.
"Here I have most of the night every single night and what am I going to do after my snack, IF I can find one, watch Jay Leno? Why I wouldn't bite that neck in a million years. The chin would give me a crooked neck for a century or two."
After promising to talk with us and not attacking anyone, he stated that he wasn't in the mood for biting anyway.
"If I've given one person a pain in the neck, I've given 10,000! I'm not concerned. But having these beautiful brides and my being so old, it drives me up the wall. I should be driving THEM up the wall!"
So why doesn't the pills work. Is it because of you age?
"Oh no, I could still do my husband's duty until ten years ago, when I bit someone into meth. Methed me up, it did. I barely got back into the coffin before daybreak. From then on, it was a pain in the ass to get enough blood from a neck."
The Count then stated that he thought the recent breakthroughs in penile dysfunction would be just what he needed.
"Forget it! For those pills to pull enough BLOOOODDD!!, excuse me, I don't want to yell that anymore. Those Twilight kids are cute if a little naive. Where was I? Oh..for the pill to work, you have to have enough blood for them to pull it into your penis and no matter how much I consume, the meth methes..messes it up...great, now I gotta lisp...whoops, daylight!"
From Transylvania College in Lexington, Kentucky, I'm Dan Hilliard.
