Is Cheryl Cole Jessica Biel's evil midget twin?
Los Angeles - (Doppelgangers): "Jessica's a very talented lady, funny, a superb actress, singer, a mother.... and not married to some cheating numbskull Brit footballer," celebwatch website LA FagHagSlagMag commented today as La Cole sashayed into to...Read full story
Tiger Woods receives message from Betty Boop
Tiger Woods may have failed to impress most people with his staged apology performance in front of only close friends and family but he has got a rather unexpected admirer. Betty Boop has sent a message to Tiger with a very special recording of he...Read full story
Local Man's Wife Buys Him A Crap Hat
Local man Martin Shuttlecock, could barely contain his excitement when wife Anne returned from her customary Saturday shopping extravaganza to announce that she had brought him back a special treat. After helping to unload the family car of myriad...Read full story
Bad Week Continues for UK Soccer Announcers Skoob & Erin Andrews as Iran Calls them MI-6 Spies!
At the beginning of the week 'Soccer Tonight!' announcers Skoob and Erin were erroneously identified as part of a Mossad Hit Squad who took out a Hamas leader in Dubai. Today, Iran claims they are actually MI-6 and CIA agents intent on fomenting post...Read full story
Mossad chief: the Queen made us do it
Tel Aviv - (Grateful Dead Sea Scrolls): Israeli security chief General Meir Dagan (agent I'm a Danger) "is convinced" his orders came directly from Buckingham Palace. The head of Mossad says only The Anointed One on the Throne of Israel ever sends...Read full story
Gordon Brown Hits Back At Hit Allegations
Hilariously incompetent buffoon Gordon Brown today hit back at suggestions that he is prone to beating his Cabinet members on a regular basis. Brown spoke out in front of a live TV audience after allegations were published that he punched a junio...Read full story
BBC Commission 'Morse And Mindy'
BBC Drama have just announced that they have commissioned a new sit-com based on 70's Colorado based Mork and Mindy starring Robbie Williams - pre Take-That and 'Rock DJ' - and Pam Dawber. The BBC version will be set in Bolton Lancs, and Morse the...Read full story
Earth Rejects Humans
Forget global warming and ice age Winters. According to new scientific thinking the Earth is actually rejecting human life. Following massive global disasters such as hurricanes, tsunamis, floods and landslides affecting every corner of the globe...Read full story
Cheryl Cole Says Ashley Feared For His Ring
Footballer Ashley Cole says he feared for his ring after burglars entered his property and tried to take it by force. A terrified Cole, who was unable to run due to a broken ankle, wriggled on the ground towards his telephone while burglars ransa...Read full story
Tigers in big big trouble
Tigers in big big trouble but this time we are not talking about the golfer Tiger Woods. Tigers in the wild are down to around only 500 in Asia as hunters continue to hunt this animal to extinction just so some scumbags can make some Chinese medicine...Read full story
Robert Pattinson And Cheryl Cole In Discussions Over 'Pretty Woman 2'
It appears that the real reason for Brit chanteuse Cheryl Cole's visit to LA is not that she wants to escape the hullabaloo surrounding husband Ashley's infidelities, but rather that she can join in discussions over a sequel to 'Pretty Woman' The...Read full story
Grandpa Ganja's High School Survival Guide Ch. 4
Cheating - Since we're concerned here with truth rather than moral balderdash and buncombe let's take a close look at cheating generally and see what we're dealing with in the real world. Of course, there are a lot of people-mostly teachers-that think students shouldn't cheat on their exams, and they have some good reasons for thinking so. For one thing, if you cheat too much you run t...Read full story
The Portrait of Dorian Grey's Russian Girlfriend
Dorian Grey was was an attractive man. He could have his pick of women from any nation. He had chosen Olga Ogleova, a statuesque Russian beauty with flashing green eyes and long blond hair. One cold dark winter's morning Dorian was heading to catch the bus to work. At the bus stop a large crowd had gathered. Dorian pulled his ear flaps down to keep out the chill. It was then that he noticed one...Read full story
Ashley Cole Inspired By Tiger Woods Apology
Nobbled footy star Ashley Cole told Chelsea team-mate and fellow target of media vitriol John Terry, that he was inspired by Tiger Woods impressively choreographed and butt clenchingly embarrassing public apology to wife, Elin, and his sponsors for p...Read full story
Patriotic Angelina Jolie Says She's Always Been A Bi-American Fanatic!
She's America's sweetheart and both men and women are liking what they are hearing from one of their favorites, actress Angelina Jolie. "I think that every time there's a stimulus offered, it should include the fact that it must be for Bi-American...Read full story
Tiger Puts Faith in Bootyism
An apologetic Tiger Woods faced the media yesterday claiming his philandering days are over thanks to his renewed faith in Bootyism. Appearing sincere, Tiger was interrupted several times by a few cell phone calls that he took that he said were impor...Read full story
Abbey Road - A Saviour Comes Forward
The legendary Abbey Road studios may be preserved after all owing to the last minute intervention of a Turkish businessman and entrepreneur. The studios, where the Beatles recorded the legendary album of the same name are to be sold by owners EMI...Read full story
Ciggy Tarbrush And The Ciders From Bars
Ciggy Tarbrush threw up into the waste bin. "Yet another shit gig in a shit town" he thought as he remembered last night. The band were all over the place as usual. Things started ok, but then Dingo Starsi had collapsed into his drum kit. Too much of Gwatkin's Old Skullcrusher. Following Dingo's collapse the bass player, Stung, had decided to down a litre of Thunderclap Special. That was him ou...Read full story
Taylor Lautner Helps Real Life Werewolf Boy In India
A 13-year-old "werewolf" boy who desperately seeks a cure for his condition and is baffling medical experts, has drawn the attention of Hollywood's werewolf of the Twilight movies, Taylor Lautner. Pruthviraj Patil is one of about 50 people in the...Read full story
Mysterious 'Posse' Give Illuminati The Jitters
The Illuminati - the 'enlightened ones' - the highly secretive organisation of intellectuals and mischief makers has apparently been looking nervously over its collective shoulders following the emergence of an even more powerful and secretive group,...Read full story
Met Investigates MFI Torture Claims
The Metropolitan Police are investigating claims that men were routinely tortured by the furniture retailer MFI. Information was passed to the Met by a former employee, Mr Stig O'Treacy, who told police that he had witnessed men being sideboarded at...Read full story
Revealed: Just Why All Those Disabled Bays Are Empty
Ever gone shopping and been unable to park in the car park? Ever seen a dozen empty disabled parking bays? Now the Daily Fascist can reveal why. It is because not every disabled person in your area goes to the shops at the same time as you. The craft...Read full story
Woods' Card withdrawn for Lying About Number of Strokes Taken While in 'Honey' Traps!
After three months action has finally been taken to discipline Golf's Biggest Wacker, Tiger Woods, after an exhaustive investigation on the amount of strokes the star had taken when errant late night drives took him out of camera vision and into lur...Read full story
Millions Tune In To East European Enders
East European Enders, the popular show about everyday Moscow folk has received a ratings boost following its live, one hour special. In the show, based around the Joe Stalin public house, the characters get involved in all sorts of illegal activity,...Read full story
Life of Maris - Chapter 2 - Learn To Swims
Read Previous Chapters Good: Chapter 1 | Chapter II When Maris dream, Maris make dream of pillow. Maris once saw picture drawing of pillow in United Kingdom paper magazine. Kind lady with flowing yellow locks sleep in pretty slumber on soft pillow. Picture lady make Maris think of way of tree bark. Then Maris wake and think of my girl Feeta. Maris think many times of sweet lady Feeta. Mar...Read full story
Elton John: my shock love affair with Jesus
Elton John has sensationally confessed to the affair of the century. He revealed that not only was Jesus gay but that Elton had an affair with him. Mr John made the claim in this week's Trash magazine. He claimed that in the year 25AD, he met Jesu...Read full story
Gordon Brown Promises A Future Fair
Gordon Brown has been accused of trying to buy votes by promising a fun fair if Labour win the next election. Launching his campaign, Brown said "Roll up, roll up! Welcome to the ballot box. Three goes a pound. Step right up, madam, don't be shy. Eve...Read full story
Cheryl Cole Mauled By Tiger In Ratings War - Sarah Harding Furious
Cheryl Cole's 'bestest girlfriend' out of Girls Aloud, Sarah Harding hit out at Cheryl's fickle fans today as they deserted the Geordie Chanteuse's stories on satirical websites the world over. Even in the UK, seemingly diehard Cheryl fans snubbed...Read full story
No Wonder US in Trouble! 92% of Obama Cabinet and Closest Advisors Never Had a Real Job!
Despite Rapper Jay ZZZs recent assertion that the UK would be better off with a 'leader' like Obama, a recent news article by Business Investor's Daily has confirmed what Most American's know by now... we are being ruined by a cabal of pie in the sk...Read full story
The Curious Case of Coronation Streets Murderer Tony Gordon
Once upon a time there was a Coronation Street murderer called Tony Gordon who some claim is a cross between TONY Blair and GORDON Brown. Like Tony Blair he is a compulsive liar and murderer who is self righteous and thinks he is right about every...Read full story
Life of Maris - Chapter 1 - Life in Uffal
FORWARD My name is Maris Padowal. I write book of life of Maris Padowal - me. I live wery curious life of ups and down like boomerang. This be my story. CHAPTER I I write happy times and sad times of life. My life has many ups and downs like boomerang. At first I was borned in village of Uffal, 75 miles as crow flies from middle of national capital. My parents were wery poor. We live b...Read full story
Adam Lambert 'overwhelmed' with Emotion after Watching Male Figure Skaters at Olympics!
American Idol contestant, singer and fashion maven Adam Lambert said he was 'smitten' after watching allegedly male figure skaters compete in Vancouver in recent days. "Those boys really turned the ice skating fashion industry upside down," he sai...Read full story
Obama's Interview With Rush Limbaugh A Mess!
Beginning with "Do you still beat your mother-In-Law", question by Rush Limbaugh the visit from President Obama went downhill fast. "I'll never do that again", stated the almost deaf Obama. "Everyone thought I was scared of the guy and would not...Read full story
Americans were Rebels, Terrorists & Insurgents
Early Americans were labelled Rebels,Terrorists & Insurgents when the American Revolution started with the famous Boston Tea Party. American Historian William Washington has researched Americas bitter fight against English Rule and discovered...Read full story
Alan Hansen In Defensive Praise Shock
The BBC is facing a flood of complaints following Alan Hansen's shock comment that "Ferdinand dealt with that well". The Match of the Day studio fell into a stunned silence before host Gary Lineker, visibly shocked, moved on to highlights from the Re...Read full story
Parallel Universes - The Great Prophet Nostradumbass
There are billions of Parallel Universes with billions of copies of you living different lives because of different choices made and different choices made by others in the other parallel universes. To put it simply imagine a powerful radio that you can tune into lots of different stations. While you are tuned into Radio one for example there are thousands of other radio stations still broadca...Read full story
Candle In The Wind Mark III
Goodbye Jerusalem's Queen, Though I never knew you at all You had a fantastic arse Those around all agreed They crawled up your butt cheeks And whispered into your brain "Do you mind if I shoot my load?' And they made you do it again. And it seems to me you lived your life Like a poofter in the wind Never knowing who to cling to When the urge set in And I would have liked to bum you...Read full story
Death Toll covered up in Operation Mosquattack
Undercover reporter Colin McCool calling from Hell that is Helmand province in Afghanistan trying to get this report to you before they try to stop me. I have such a shocking story to tell you I think it would be better if you checked something fi...Read full story
Brown sent to Coventry lets hope he stays there
The most annoying lying arrogant bastard that ever became Prime Minister was sent to Coventry yesterday and then made the statement "a future fair for all". What a speech considering we have hundreds of MPS who are anything but fair considering th...Read full story
Television Presenter kills sick partner
A famous television presenter has killed his very ill partner, the police revealed today. Apparently the presenter in question repeatedly said the French word for "thank you" to his boyfriend of fifty years until the latter passed away. The celebr...Read full story
Alastair Campbell cries again during interview
Alastair Campbell has cried again during another interview, only a fortnight after of his lachrymose performance on the Andrew Marr show. Campbell was appearing on a Saturday morning cookery show with famous Tony Blair dissident Claire Short. Shor...Read full story
Subo Toilet Seat for sale on Ebay
Restaurant owner Jamie Gulliver is selling a toilet seat on Ebay that he claims was sat on by Susan Boyle Alias Subo when she visited his restaurant last year. This follows on from the story of a Subo fan who paid 99p for a pound coin said to hav...Read full story
Megrahi claims "I Didn't Do It"
Abdelbaset Ali Al Megrahi who was convicted of The Lockerbie Bombing is now lying dying in A Libyan Hospital but from his hospital bed he has once again said "I didn't Do It" A spokesperson for Megrahi said that there has been a major internationa...Read full story
Hulk Hogan turns green when he is angry
World Famous Wrestler Hulk Hogan turns green when he gets angry. Hogan was most popular in the 1980s and early 1990s as the all American working class hero character Hulk Hogan in the World Wrestling Federation now known as World Wrestling Entertain...Read full story
Eastenders Actor Says "I Didn't Do It"
In a live episode of the Soap Eastenders actor Charlie Clements who plays the character Bradley Branning was seen fall off a roof but things were not as they seemed later we caught up with Charlie Clements and he said "I didn't Do It" Clements or...Read full story
Tigers Wife says "I Didn't Do It"
Tiger Woods wife Elin Nordegren has finally came forward to comment on his bruises on the night of the mysterious car crash. When she was asked about all the bruises on Tigers Face she said "I Didn't Do It" Elin went on to explain we were all Elo...Read full story
The Curious Case of the Chicken & the Egg
What came first the Chicken or the Egg this is a question that some of the greatest minds have tried to figure out for thousands of years. Despite the debate that has gone on for years on this subject the basic facts are this if you say the Egg came first then where did the Egg come from there would have to be a Chicken to lay the Egg if on the other hand you say the Chicken came first then we...Read full story
Lindsay Lohan Still Pining For Samantha Ronson, Names Her Left One Samantha and Her Right One Ronson
TIJUANA, Mexico - Actress Lindsay Lohan traveled down to Mexico to buy a serape, some maracas, a Samantha Ronson pinata, and some multi-vitamin pills. One of the overweight salesladies at The Magkneefeezunt Many Maracas Shop recognized her. "Ey ju...Read full story
A 3.7 Magnitude Earthquake Hits The L.A. Area - Kirstie Alley Says She Didn't Feel A Thing
LOS ANGELES - A 3.7 magnitude earthquake struck Los Angeles at about 12:39 p.m. LCT (Left Coast Time). There were reports of minor damages such as the usual broke salt shakers and pepper shakers along with light bulbs popping out of front and back po...Read full story
Vancouver Provides 100,000 Condoms To Athletes - When The Heck Do They Find The Time To Compete?
VANCOUVER - The Vancouver Winter Olympic Committee has stated that they are providing 100,000 free condoms for the athletes competing in the XXI Winter Olympic Games. Chester Bedbrazen, Director of The Prophylactic Sub-Committee for the Vancouver...Read full story
Angelina Jolie Takes It All Off For Charity!
In an unprecedented show of generosity earlier this week, Angelina Jolie decided to take it all off . . . for charity! The 2010 Take It All Off For Charity is an event that receives little or no coverage for obvious reasons. Past participants hav...Read full story
Tiger Woods: I Lied, I Cheated, I Acted Like A Dick With Feet
PONTE VEDRA BEACH, Florida - Eldrick Tont Woods, also known as Mr. Wood, WonderWood, Capt. Hardwood, The Erector Vector, El Tigre, and a name that his wife calls him The Dick With Feet, finally, after almost three months (THREE MONTHS) decided to hon...Read full story
Nicole Ritchie On Letterman Says Big Jim & The Twins Were Coming Over Tonight
Nicole Ritchie was more than embarrassed on the Letterman show last night as she discussed her relationship with the father of her two children. She finally gave away the fact that she and Joel Madden are engaged to be married. Most people, howev...Read full story
Skeleton Racer Amy Williams Wins 1st GB Winter Olympic Gold In 30 Years Amid Canadian Protests
27 year old Amy Williams stormed into the gold medal slot in the Skeleton Luge event in the Winter Olympics - the first GB gold medal for 30 years - and into a storm of controversy as Canadian officials flew into a proper hissy fit, protesting that t...Read full story
Roman Abramovich Wins EuroMillions Rollover
Unconfirmed reports are reaching us that Chelsea FC owner Roman Abramovich has won the EuroMillions rollover jackpot prize of £96.3 million. Insiders tell us that Abramovich is taking the win calmly and not getting over excited by it as he is alre...Read full story
Local Man Goes Into Hiding
Local man Martin Shuttlecock has gone into hiding again, according to his long suffering wife Anne. Shuttlecock has a history of going into hiding for no apparent reason, and it's all proving to be quite a trial for his wife. The first time Shuttl...Read full story
Tiger Woods Apology - Funniest Public Display Since Michael Jackson's 'This Is It!'
People who thought Michael Jackson's 'This Is It!' speech at London's O2 Arena was just about the funniest thing they'd ever heard were hit for six yesterday by Tiger Woods' public apology for philandering above and beyond the call of duty. As the...Read full story
President Obama and Republicans Agree on Health Care Reform
Washington DC: At a pre-meeting prior to the Blair House meeting, President Obama and Republican Congressional leaders have tentatively agreed to a strategy that brings down health care costs in the USA. The proposed 2011 budget (spending) of $3.8...Read full story