UK Government Slams Use of Fake Immigrants
UK Government representative David Miliband has described the use of fake immigrants as outrageous today. The foreign secretary vowed to "get to the bottom" of the case in Dubai, where several fake immigrants were filmed by gold plated CCTV camera...Read full story
Scientists Discover Ginger T.W.A.T Gene
Scientists have today revealed that they have discovered the DNA strand that makes some people ginger. Following extensively funded research they believe that they can now filter out gingers from the human race altogether. Astonishingly the ginger...Read full story
Britains Eating Habits Are Getting Healthier in Credit Crunch
Fast food chains up and down the country are responding to the credit crunch by launching new ranges of tempting meals using less traditional meats. A well known Fried Chicken franchise has launched a new "Persian Chicken" burger and teenagers ev...Read full story
The Rise of a Powerful New Voting Bloc
First it was Rahm Emmanuel's use of the word "retard" that upset them. Now it is Fox's "The Family Guy", making fun of people with Downs Syndrome, that has gotten their goats and they are fighting back. In an heretofore unprecedented alliance, mo...Read full story
Science Breakthrough: No More Baldness!
A spokesman for Aramore Laboratories in Little Rock, Arkansas, say they can now take a totally bald client and leave him with a full head of hair in only a few hours. "Of course, they need to stay at the 'step-Down' for a couple of days to make su...Read full story
Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Aniston Make Up, Celebrate Diversity
After years of fighting over Brad Pitt who has been the partner of Angelina Jolie for several years now and who was once married to Jennifer Aniston, the two ladies seem to have made up. A friend of Angelina's stated that Brad is always wanting to...Read full story
Zac Efron and Robert Pattinson To Star In Remake of Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid
HOLLYWOOD - Fake Pictures has just announced that they have just signed Zac Efron and Robert Pattinson to star in the remake of Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid. The original 1969 movie starred Paul Newman and Robert Redford, along with the now...Read full story
Tragedy Strikes as Man Mistakenly Books into Suicide Clinic
The controversial world of assisted suicides is reeling today following the announcement that a British man inadvertently booked himself into a clinic in Switzerland, mistaking it for a hotel. The unnamed man had been on a business trip and had ad...Read full story
Two Members of The Indian Olympics Team Are Suspended For Eating Hamburgers
VANCOUVER - In a surprising incident, two of India's top Olympians, speed skater Raheem Kamal and snowboarder Amandeep Gurpreet have been suspended by their coach Darshann Maleeksaleek and forced to return to India. The Indian coach said that he k...Read full story
Grandpa Ganja's High School Survival Guide Ch. 1
The following is from my book Grandpa Ganja's High School Survival Guide. I propose to publish the entire book a chapter or two at a time. I'll stop if enough readers tell me to. TABLE OF CONTENTS Introduction 1. The Teachers 2. Exams (See Grades) 3. Grades 4. Cheating 5. Counselors 6. Teachers, Wanton 7. Classroom Seating 8. Clubs 9. Gym 10.Read full story
Brown's Falklands Oil War Plan Revealed
A leaked memo today revealed plans by Gordon Brown to engineer a second Falklands War between the UK and Argentina, in order to boost his ratings before the up-coming election. It is widely believed Mr Brown will face almost certain defeat unless som...Read full story
Jay Z in race row blames Jordan
Rapper Jay Z was today embroiled in a race row over allegations that during a party of his, bouncers would not allow whites into the VIP area! Guests were horrified that only black people seemed to waltz through whilst white guests had to queue and...Read full story
Putin Announces Plan To Transport Frozen Dog Turds To Basildon
Vladimir Putin has announced a plan to solve Moscow's frozen dog turd problem before the spring thaw sets in. The turds are to be transported to Basildon in Essex where they will be turned into jewelry for the locals. Putin has also found employme...Read full story
Grandpa Ganja On Guys and Guns
I decided the other day to buy a gun. I mean, from what I hear just about everyone else has a gun so I should have one, too. While I don't know anything about guns--I'm a registered pacifist--I knew I'd find something about 'em in the phone book and I was right. I learned we have enough gun shops in the area to outfit both sides in another Middle East war and I repaired to the one nearest my...Read full story
Wolves fined £25,000 for being crap
The Premier League fined relegation threatened Wolverhampton Wanderers for being totally crap when they lost 3-0 to Manchester United last December. Manager Mick McCarthy defended his team selection by saying that he picked a team that was in the...Read full story
Bush Billboard Appears - 'Do You Miss Him Yet?'
A sign board has appeared along a Minnesota road asking passers-by if they miss the days of George W. Bush's presidential rule. Apparently times are so bad for some that they will go to that length in nostalgia. Some seem to remember fondly t...Read full story
Local Man Keeps His Balls in His Wife's Handbag
Local man Darren Fart, 32, keeps his balls in his wife's handbag whenever they are out shopping. Darren claims that they are much safer there and there is less likelihood of young children getting their hands on them. Darren's balls are very im...Read full story
Grandpa Ganja On Politicians
I have a confession to make. I don't like politicians. What's more, I don't trust them. Every one of them is shifty-eyed, you ever notice that? And there's a look in the eye of the average politician that would startle a shark. I don't like them because they're self-serving and greedy and disdainful. They hold their constituents in contempt and care nothing for their welfare except insofa...Read full story
Gulf billionaire to fund gay premiership team
It is reported that an irate oil tycoon has expressed an interest in bank-rolling a Premiership club on the proviso that the squad be made up entirely of professional gay footballers. The highly paid sport is renowned for the lack of desire of up...Read full story
Russian Woman In TV Schedule Change Outrage
A Russian woman had to be restrained and sedated earlier today following a last minute change to the television schedule on a national station. The woman was so angry she failed to see the funny side of the situation when her husband made a joke of i...Read full story
Ouija board cast Kristen 'Wankers Titters' Stewart for 'Wet, Toilsome Lechery' says director
Hollywood - (Salacious Mess): A cryptic ouija board message predicted Twilight star Kirsten Stewart would be a box office smash hit, Hollywood director Jake Scott revealed today. He cast her in his Berlin Film Festival movie Welcome to the Rileys...Read full story
Miley Cyrus Quitting Hanna Montana - Selena Gomez To Take Her Place
HOLLYWOOD - One of the best kept secrets in Tinsel Town has just been revealed. Selena Gomez will be the new Hannah Montana when Miley Cyrus quits her role as the singing teen later this season. Miley said that she is quitting the show because she...Read full story
Tiger Woods Moves Press Conference To Playboy Mansion
(Hollywood-CA) Tiger Woods' agent, Mark Steinberg, confirmed today that Tiger Woods' press conference, to be held Friday, would be at the Playboy Mansion. This latest move has both gossip columnists and sports writers scratching their collective head...Read full story
That syncing feeling!
Cheryl Cole awoke this morning removed her Ray Bans, her white long/short mac. As she walked to the bathroom droping her hair exstensions on the floor, she remembered that her husband is a cheating son of a bitch! Oh yes and what a balls up she made of the brits! Limp, dulll, lifeless hid in the corner scratching its head. As Cheryl asked...Read full story
Osama Bin Laden Hosts New TV Practical Jokes Show From Cave
Osama's Practical Jokes appears on PBS after a feed from the Al-Jizzeerie TV folks. While the critics are still out on this one, we thought the new reality show was very funny. In the first segment, Osama slipped some Mexican Fartknockers in...Read full story
Cheryl Cole To Appear In A State Of Nature In Magazine!
X-Factor judge Cheryl Cole admitted to the press this morning that she will appear in a state of nature in 'Glossy Pics Magazine' in the May edition. "I'm was a little frightened about the whole thing", she told our reporter. "But it was a challen...Read full story
Cameron destroyed by Brown at PMQs...Again!
Once again a superlative display at Prime Minister's Questions by the ever popular Mr Brown has delighted Labour MPs and left David Cameron and the Conservative Party on the back foot looking dazed and foolish. For his first question Cameron lamel...Read full story
Obama Confirms Import Ban on Cheryl & Ashley Coal to US!
In his continuing efforts to control the quality of air Americans breathe, and the music and sports they're addicted to, President Obama reiterated his campaign promise to 'kill off the addiction to coal' in the US. Reinforcing his promise, Obam...Read full story
Obama orders new Federal Birth Certificates
President Obama today is ordering a new issue of Federal Birth Certificates for all persons born after 28 February 2010. Produced by the Heath Care Financing Administration in Baltimore MD, they will include not only the date, birth parent and ot...Read full story
Discredited IPCC Head to Go Bollywood
Rajendra Pachauri, chairman of the scandal-ridden Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC), which shared the 2007 Nobel Peace Prize with former U.S. vice-president Al "Hockey Stick" Gore, is throwing in the towel to return to India and have...Read full story
Lost Capote Papers Described Holly Golightly As An Obnoxious Gold-Digging Tramp
Recently discovered papers once belonging to Truman Capote have revealed that far from being the pretty, dizzy, loveable, confused bimbo as portrayed by Audrey Hepburn in the classic 'Breakfast At Tiffany's' movie, Holly Golightly was an obnoxious go...Read full story
Jon Gosselin, The Three-Inch Penis Man, Settles Out Of Court
Jon Gosselin has settled a double lawsuit with TLC as both agreed to drop their lawsuits against each other. Gosselin was sued by TLC for violating his contract by getting paid for his appearances on several shows including The Insider, Entertain...Read full story
Taylor Lautner, Jon Gosselin, John Mayer to Star in new Cameron Movie; "Jilted"
Riding the success, and monetary benefits from the movie "Avatar", James Cameron's new project will pluck three faces fresh from recent television media hype, who have recently fallen into the throws of a woman scorned. Based on stories surroundin...Read full story
George Obama Gets His Hut Weatherized In Kenya for Only $57,362 American Dollars!
Administration officials reacted today to reports that the Department of Energy's efforts to provide jobs and weatherize 523,000 homes was a complete failure and ultimate waste of taxpayer money. Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, appearing in a North...Read full story
Palin Bags Limbaugh and Beck, Gains Respect Among Moderates
Who would of thunk it. A self proclaimed "maverick" who polled well in the last election among women with illegitimate grandchildren and republican moderates under 50 or Gay, has successfully distanced herself from the insane media right. After a w...Read full story
Tories Fear Cameron Is Turning Into Prescott
Dave Cameron's announcement that he loves "darts, guinness and sky tv" has caused a panic in the Conservative Party. recently Cameron has been heard to speak with a Northern accent and he recently goosed Harriet Harman in the Commons and called her a...Read full story
Biden Blames Japs for 3 Motorcade Accidents in 3 Months: Obama Nukes Toyota!
Responding to Political Advice from Aide Rahm Emanuel, Obama has decided to act more like Harry Truman than Hugo Chavez in an attempt to resurrect his failing presidency. His first act was to Nuke Toyota, putting 25,000 American factory workers build...Read full story
Grey Aliens Laugh uncontrollably when they hear that people actually believe earths greatest terrorist incident was done by a caveman
Richard Johnson claims to have been abducted hundreds of times by aliens,little grey men around 3-4 feet tall who have large opaque creepy looking eyes. Last week Richard says that he was abducted and was being probed by the aliens when he was ask...Read full story
Gore and Climate Change Guru Pachauri Blame Global Warming on Hamas Leaders Mysterious Death in Dubai!
Under furious attack for their Hoax about Global Warming, Al Gore, Mr. Green, and UN Climate Control Guru Rajendra Pachauri flew into Dubai and held a joint press conference in an attempt to regain their credibility. The pair claimed "Global Warming...Read full story
Archbishop Tutu in Gnome Health Study
Scientists have analysed the gnomes of five South Africans, including Archbishop Desmond Tutu, to study their genetic diversity and health. The study, published in the magazine Fishing Rod, compared the genes of the Archbishop's garden gnomes with...Read full story
Obama Authorizes More TARP Funds to Buy Westminster Kennel Winner for Family!
Despite the previous failure of the First Family in raising a family pet, the Portuguese Water Dog, Bo, presumed dead under mysterious circumstances, the President has decided to try again with Best In Breed Winner, Sadie the Scottish Terrier. The...Read full story
North and South Korea fire missiles at each other, which land at sea
Somewhere at Sea-Yet to be confirmed unconfirmed reports indicate that North and South Korea are at war, again. Though the two Koreas are still technically at war since the North withdrew form the armistice in May 27 2009, the heavily militarise...Read full story
Professor Carlton the nutty professor and the Hadron Collider
Professor Karl Carlton who is known by most other scientists as the nutty Professor has come up with the most ridiculous theory ever for the origin of the universe. You can forget God and Darwin's theory of evolution because The Nutty Professor b...Read full story
Model Coco to appear on freaky eaters as she eats only CoCo pops
Canadian Model Coco Rocha who weighs only 7st 7lbs is being turned down for work on the catwalk because idiots are claiming she is to fat. Now Coco has gone on a diet eating only the breakfast cereal Coco Pops and although she has still not found...Read full story
Tiger Woods I Didn't Do It
Tiger Woods is due to appear at a press conference today but people will be surprised because Tiger is going to say "I didn't do it" as apparently he has come up with a cunning plan: Tiger is going to say that someone stole his passport and was imper...Read full story
Airline to change name after treatment of its staff
A well known Airline are to change their name to Brutish Airways after the appalling treatment of their staff. Some staff have been suspended and others are speaking out claiming Brutish Airways are like the Gestapo and are bullying and harassing...Read full story
The Curious Case of Casper the Friendly Ghost
Once upon a time there was a little ghost called Casper who was not like all other ghosts he was a tiny little guy and hard as he tried he could not frighten anybody. Casper ended up being evicted from fright school because he was as frightening as Boy George and Julian Clare trying to do the HAKA at a New Zealand rugby match. Poor Caspar was all on his own but he still did not give up every...Read full story
Simon Cowell And Cheryl Cole Named Great Britain's Most Ideal Couple
LONDON - The United Kingdom Commission of Northern Newspaper Publishers, which is based in Manchester, has just announced that its 73-member organization has overwhelmingly voted Simon Cowell and Cheryl Cole as the winners of its yearly "Most Ideal C...Read full story
American Idol: Hollywood Week - Whining and Weeping Up A Storm
HOLLYWOOD - Noted Fox News TV host Sean Hannity once said, that only in America can we have something like American Idol where we end up with one winner and 99,999 sore-as-the-dickens losers. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi remarked that, that is the o...Read full story
Hull City Aiming For Top 17 Spot - Brown
Hull City manager Phil Brown might be a lot of things, but he is certainly a realist. The sunbaked Tigers boss told reporters from the Hull Daily Mail today that, whilst other clubs were competing to get into the Premier League European places, his t...Read full story
Yoko Ono Performs in Brooklyn, Screeching Cats Join Finale
Helping to launch a charity concert event at the Brooklyn Academy of Music, the Plastic Ono Band performed a single set of their not-so-greatest hits to open the show, while an open stage door apparently allowed every alley cat in a 3 block radius to...Read full story
Can This Goat Get More Fans Than Barack Obama?
On February 17, 2010, White House officials again refused to comment on the Facebook phenomenonCan This Goat Get More Fans Than Barack Obama? In just 11 days Goat has added over 224,000 fans and is adding additional fans at the rate of more than...Read full story
Dog Arrested For Jaywalking
There was drama in a Bangkok street today when police arrested a dog for jaywalking as it crossed the central reservation under a bridge on Rajavithi Road. The dog, black, was nabbed by the eagle-eyed Sgt Somchai Motosai as he took a backhander fr...Read full story
Winter Olympics Luge Track To Be Made 'Piss-Easy'
After tragedy struck last weekend at the Winter Olympics with the death of the Georgian luge competitor, Nodar Kumaritashvili, officials have acted swiftly, and have decided to make the luge track for the 2014 Games in Sochi, Russia so tame, that spe...Read full story
Bin Laden puts cave on Rightmove
Osama Bin Laden has put his spacious cave up for sale and hopes that its far reaching views halfway up the Hindu Kush will attract willing buyers. Mr.Bin Laden went onto explain that he believed the Pakistani Northwest Border Country real estate m...Read full story
Spoof Writers in Mossad Mix Up!
Interpol were tonight hunting a Gang of International assasins led by one Mark Lowton (surely an alias?) after Mossad swore an oath whilst promising Scouts honour that they'd absolutely nothing to do with the apparent murder of a high ranking Hamas o...Read full story