TIJUANA, Mexico - Actress Lindsay Lohan traveled down to Mexico to buy a serape, some maracas, a Samantha Ronson pinata, and some multi-vitamin pills.
One of the overweight salesladies at The Magkneefeezunt Many Maracas Shop recognized her. "Ey ju dat gringa movie star dat has all da freckles and dat likes tu be kissing on shicks right?"
Lohan ignored her. The saleslady, named Chamaca Chicharron repeated her question and dis time, excuse me, this time added the words "effen beach" at the end.
LiLo figured that if she did not acknowledge the woman she would only continue to pester her.
"Jes" Lohan said in broken English. "Eat ease me dee world famous actress Lindsay Lohan."
"I knew eat. Ju look just like de peekchures in dee National Expire. So tellit to me Linseed. What ease eat dat ju are looking for?"
Lohan smiled and said that she was looking for a pinata in the likeness of her former girlfriend Samantha Ronson."
The saleslady told her that they only had one $3 pinata of Samantha Ronson, but she told her that it was not for sale.
LiLo asked her why not. And Chamaca replied that they use it in the back office to scare away the rats.
Lohan asked her to please sell it to her. "No can du sorey."
"Please" Lindsay pleaded. Mrs. Chicharron told her to read her lips, "No, N-o, No, and let me sey eat in Spinach tu, No, N-o, No."
Lohan reached in her pocket and took out a $20 bill and waved it in front of Chamaca.
"Sold! Do ju want me to gift wrap eat for ju?"
Lohan told her that it would not be necessary. As Lindsay turned around to leave, Chamaca told her that her brother, Nopalito Chicharron was a writer for The Tijuana Tamale Tribune.
She asked Lohan if she could give her some inside information that no one knows so that her brother could print it in the newspaper and get a raise.
Lindsay smiled and said sure why not. She then said, "Okay Chamaca. No one knows this. I call my left one Samantha and my right one Ronson."
Chamaca looked at her like a beef cow looking at a fence gate (puzzled as hell).
"What da hell du ju means left one and right one my little gringa friend?"
Lilo grinned. She gave Chamaca the universal two-fingered look-at-me sign first pointing at Chamaca and then pointing toward her eyes.
She then proceeded to pick up her blouse. She was not wearing a bra. Chamaca's eyes got the size of ping pong balls.
Lohan told her, as she pointed first to her left tit. "This is the left one and I call her Samantha, and this is the right one and I call her Ronson."
"Okey dokey. I gotcha. Good one my little freckled-faced gringa."
Lindsay Lohan quickly left to get her freckled ass back across the border before it got dark.
In a non-related story. Britney Spears said that she has been practicing real hard and now she hardly ever lip syncs at all except for when she is showering.