Kraft issue an apology over American-English mistranslation
Kraft issued an apology today over a statement made last week about the Cadbury factory in Keynsham, near Bristol. 'When we said last week that we were going to keep that factory open' said spokesman Cheesy McCheese, 'we used American English, of...Read full story
Tour Settles With Elin Woods, Prepares Way For Tiger Woods Return
GOLF OBSERVERS SAY that "as Tiger Woods goes, so goes the tour." And since Tiger left the tour to deal with personal and marital problems, the tour has suffered from decreased revenues, decreased TV viewership and a general lack of interest. So tod...Read full story
Katie Price Sends Bargis Tryhol A Valentine's Card
There was much hilarity in our office today when staffer Bargis Tryhol - the man with the world's largest penis - got a suggestive Valentine card in the post purporting to be from none other than Katie "Jordan" Price, although we couldn't possibly sw...Read full story
Pizza Man Intimidated By Mafiosi
Turkish UK Pizza entrepreneur and innovator Ali Bullo (Full English Breakfast Pizza, Sausage Mash And Beans Pizza) today claimed that the Fusilli mafia crime family from Sicily were demanding protection money and taxes from his UK fast food operation...Read full story
Las Vegas Bookies Taking Bets On How Long It Takes Cowell to Insult Ellen on American Idol
Simon Cowell is the straight shooting, shoot from the lip, insult them all, veteran of American Idol judges. He's never seen a person that he couldn't rip apart. Ellen Degenerate is the new American Idol judge with zero background or experience in...Read full story
Gore Gets Erection During Global Warming Talk
New York - Former Vice President Al Gore got an erection during an event to raise awareness about global warming, sources said. While delivering his 40,000th interminable lecture on global warming, Gore noticed a hottie in the crowd and began to d...Read full story
Private Investigators Discover That Humor Writer LisaPisa Is Really Country Singer Taylor Swift
A team of private investigators hired by Spoof Editor Mark Lowton to uncover the real identities of his writers have uncovered their first discovery. P.I. Mark Sanchez has revealed that Spoof Writer LisaPisa is in reality country music singer and Gr...Read full story
Toni Terry's shockhorror at anagram ouija board's "Venereal sons crap" and "Col. Lechery"
Dubai - (Portents): An unexpected twist on the 'Mirror, Mirror, off-the-wall' soothsaying charm has seen John Terry's wife Toni gobsmacked yet again. The Chelsea captain's wife has been consulting psychics ahead of a possible Valentines Day reuni...Read full story
Super Bowl Breaks Ratings Record Set By Last Episode of M*A*S*H
For over 20 years, the final episode of M*A*S*H held the record as the highest rated television event in American television history. That mark was recently eclipsed by the recent New Orleans Saints victory over the Indianapolis Colts in the Super B...Read full story
Pizza Delivery Guys' Union To Sue Adult Movie Industry
It has been revealed that The Global Pizza Delivery Guys' Union is to pursue a case through the courts claiming royalty payments from the adult movie industry internationally. A spokesman for the union told us: "There's pizza delivery guys in e...Read full story
Penis Bomber Caught At Kennedy Airport In NYC
The FBI have announced that they have apprehended a man they are referring to as "The Penis Bomber" at the Kennedy Airport in New York City. Initial reports say that the man had himself Bobbitized and used an artificial penis large enough to blow...Read full story
The Bachelor: Jake The Texas Snake Visits The Four Remaining Girls' Kinfolk
LOS ANGELES - The latest episode of The Bachelor is the one where the Bachelor gets to visit the families of the remaining girls, which is now down to four. WELCOME TO NEW YORK: HOME OF "EY WHATCHA LOOKIN' AT?" - The first stop for Jake on his...Read full story
Young Dutch Boy Faces Charges For Putting Finger In Dike
A young Dutch boy who thought that he was saving his country by putting his finger in a dike has been charged with sexual assault and hate crimes against a homosexual. Luther Grunden, who followed what he thought was his country's tradition, has b...Read full story
Robert Pattinson, George Clooney On Oprah
Oprah Winfrey may have pulled off another big event that has made her and her show famous for years. Later this week it is expected that she will announce that she will have both George Clooney and Robert Pattinson on the same show and that it wil...Read full story
Life At The Moorview Institute, Chapter Twenty One
Life At The Moorview Institute Chapter Twenty One Mark Lowton Administrator Mark Lowton was troubled. It wasn't because he had laundry worker Eddie Valdez chasing after him (in a gay way). It wasn't because he had Dr. Lippshitz chasing after him (in a gay way). It wasn't because Amazon woman Gertie, the former Bulgarian weight lifter who worked as a guard, was chasing after him. It...Read full story
Pizzas Of Eight!
A team of Archaeologists working on a dig on a remote Caribbean island which has remained uninhabited for decades has made the astounding discovery that the pirates who sailed the Spanish main, robbing, raping and pillaging in the 18th Century, exist...Read full story
John Terry - Redeeming feature found!
A crack team of hand-picked scientists have made a surprising breakthrough after police called an end to their search for some form of redeeming feature relating to John Terry. Over 100 officers armed with sniffer dogs and metal detectors have bee...Read full story
Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus Sponsor Can Food Drive for Haiti
Feeling the need to do something for the residents of earthquake-torn Haiti, The Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus have teamed up to sponsor a canned food drive for deserving families on the island nation. Both still busy on the road with concert dat...Read full story
Iran upgrade their nuclear capabilities so that Iranian housewives can heat the soup up?!
Iran has once more upgraded its nuclear capabilities and the world is becoming very nervous, especially Israel! (wonder why) Ali Akber Salahi, Iranian nuclear specialist cannot understand why the world keeps accusing Iran of wanting to become a n...Read full story
Sarah Harding Is So Beautiful Because She Eats Pizza
She does it every day. After first checking if she's been spoofed by satirical websites (which is NOT going to happen, trust us) Girls Aloud singer Sarah Harding slips into a bikini and frolics in the crystal clear waters of the Caribbean, or the Ind...Read full story
City botchdog Hector Pants to step down
London - (Ass Mess): The man who presided over the biggest banking sector cockup in recorded history is stepping down, reluctantly, to collect his hard-earned $$$s pension. Hector Pants, 69, oversaw genius moves such as the collapse of the Norther...Read full story
Television's Charlie Sheen charged with Felony
Actor Charlie Sheen has been charged with Felony bad acting Monday and two misdemeanors of assaulting a teleprompter and cameraman on the set of his hit T.V. Series. Brooke Mueller his strange wife wants the charges against her husband dismissed,...Read full story
Railwayman Who is 'Off the rails' Helped by Local man with 'One-Track Mind'
A rail disaster was averted today after the quick thinking of a passenger with a one-track mind. Local man, Norbert Nuckles, 51, is obsessed with trains - so obsessed that he sleeps with them. Sexually. "I enjoy the experience of when they go t...Read full story
At Last! - The Full English Breakfast Pizza!
Fantastic news emerging from the UK confirms that Turkish fast food tycoon Ali Bullo will be selling the very first Full English Breakfast Pizza from all of his outlets, starting tomorrow. Foodies, chefs, greasy-spoon proprietors and Italians have...Read full story
Brazilian superstar Ronaldinho will not represent Brazil at the World Cup, he's decided to become English!
Ronaldinho has decided to turn his back on Brazil (they don't want him anyway) and is now going through the process of adopting the English/British nationality. Ronaldinho is sick of being told he's a "has been ball juggler" and is determined to s...Read full story
Retro Diets Are Now!
Retro Diets are the way forward as dieters seek radical new weight-loss regimes, according to a top Diet Guru. "More and more of the nation's fatties feel trapped in bloated modern lifestyles", says weight-loss expert Sheza Conner. "It's no longer fashionable to look abroad. Now our sumo-silhouetted salvation-seekers are dragging their omnibus-sized butts aboard the Dietary Time-Machine.Read full story
Steinbrenners To Sell Yankees!
George Steinbrenner and his sons, Henry and Harold, say they are tired of going through the mess that is today's New York Yankees. "I want us out while we are at the top, having won the World Series for the first time in many years, even though w...Read full story
Republicans Have Pre-Existing Conditions For Meeting With President: He Cancels Policy.
In a late night press release, the Republican Caucus issued a statement saying that they would not meet with the President until he addressed certain pre-existing conditions. The conditions were such that they would entirely dictate and restrict...Read full story
'Blackadder' clue links Enron cover-up to Iraq war spooks tell Chilcot Inquiry
London - (Conspiracy Mess): The Inquiry has heard from UK cryptologists reviewing the sudden Burns Night 2002 suicide of Enron executive Clifford Baxter. Painstaking decodings found that an anagram of his name produced Baldric Fox Fret the Inquiry...Read full story
Shakespeare in New York Takes a Turn towards Technology
Planning a joint venture with New York's Lincoln Center, London's Royal Shakespeare Company has announced a three month series of performances, where the famous bard's words will be delivered via text messages instead of voice. The actors will s...Read full story
Stand aside Kate Moss - Fabregas and Walcott are the new Catwalk Queens
Following the comments made by Chelsea's German midfield general Michael Ballack that Arsenal are far too pretty to win the premiership, Arsene Wenger has hit back claiming he is just jealous because he's an ugly German bitch. ''Ee 'as a face like...Read full story
David James Banning Order Fiasco
Portsmouth Football Club are back in trouble again as a local sandwich bar next to Fratton Park bans David James. Lucy Pike, owner of 'Get Stuck in Sandwiches' said, "David and the other players have been regulars, but lately they have been taking...Read full story
1432 Law Could Save MPs in Expenses Row
Three MPs accused last week of multiple offences under the 1968 Theft Act, have vowed to use an obscure Law passed by William the Deceitful in 1432 to avoid a lengthy prison Sentence. One of the three broke down in crocodile tears outside his 15 b...Read full story
Dr Dolittle talks to Eddie the Eagle
Dr Dolittle interviewed Eddie the Eagle yesterday not the one that appeared at the winter Olympics years ago this Eddie the Eagle is a real eagle. Eddie explained that people often get the two of us mixed up but this Eddie really can fly. On the subject of the winter Olympics Eddie does not understand why in the Skeleton Bobsleigh event Skeletons are not allowed to compete as the weather is so...Read full story
Gore Denies North East Winter Storms
Former presidential candidate and environmental super hero Al Gore issued a statement via press release from the Alliance for Climate Protection, stating he was disappointed and ashamed that the American people have been fooled into believing there h...Read full story
German Chancellor Angela Meerkat speaks out
German Chancellor Angela Meerkat has been speaking out against Gordon Brown and Alastair Campbell on their Election Greetings. She said that she was astonished that spin doctor Campbell has come up with a Greetings Campaign to win more votes so soon...Read full story
Fresco's the well known supermarket chain have banned Trekkies
Fresco's the well known supermarket chain have banned Trekkies so any fans of Star Trek turning up at their stores wearing a Star Trek uniform are being stopped from shopping at Fresco's. A Trekkie dressed as Mr Spock has complained to Fresco's he...Read full story
Noddy involved in fatal car crash
Popular children's character, Noddy, was involved in a fatal car crash this morning. His passenger and life long friend, Big Ears, was pronounced dead on the scene; whilst Noddy himself has been taken to Toy Town hospital and remains in critical cond...Read full story
Local Man Finds Antique Artefact. Tells Wife: "I Know What I'm Doing!"
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock was delighted to find an antique artefact packed in a cardboard box in the back of a little used cupboard in his house. Initially, Shuttlecock thought that the box contained Christmas decorations, but as he moved it, the weight suggested otherwise. With curiosity getting the better of him, Shuttlecock opened the box, and much to his surprise discovered that the box...Read full story
Didier Drogba's Favourite fans are the Diddy Men from Naughty Ash
Footballer Didier Drogba's favourite fans are the Diddymen from Naughty Ash. Before they watch each match with Didier they sing their well known song We are the diddymen the diddy diddy diddymen we are the diddymen who come from naughty ash. Durin...Read full story
Jolie and Pitt Bring Suit Against TheSpoof.com
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have brought suit against the TheSpoof.com. Pitt and Jolie are alleging that the only reason thousands of tabloid newspapers worldwide are reporting a split up between the entertainment pair is that TheSpoof.com printed...Read full story
John Terry News Update: He Did It For The Irish
John Terry, the Chelsea and former England football team captain, has told friends he is almost as sorry for shagging Wayne Bridge's ex-girlfriend, as Frenchman Thierry Henry said he was for handling the ball in the build-up to France's goal in the W...Read full story
Sarah Palin Says Rahm Emanuel Cannot Use The Word Retard, But Rush Limbaugh Can
PORTLAND, Maine - Sarah Palin was in town speaking to a convention of The Maine League of Lobster Catchers. She told the league members that they are doing a fantastic job, because she happens to know that it is a whole lot easier to catch salmon tha...Read full story
Amanda Holden Shows Up For Britain's Got Talent Auditions (Minus The Spanx).
LONDON - Amanda Holden, the prettiest of the three Britain's Got Talent judges showed up for the first audition all dressed in blue. The beautiful-looking Holden looked stunning in her blue satin dress, her blue satin jacket, her blue high heels,...Read full story
Barack Obama doesn't appear in 'Eastenders'
US President Barack Hussein Obama today wasn't invited to appear in UK television soap opera 'Eastenders', but as the planned script for her appearance in that episode had to be thrown into the bin - after being censored, of course, by TheFeeblechild.yawn - but this reporter managed to get a copy of it, and here it is: '[scene: inside the 'Queen Vic' pub in Walcot, London. England. Where green...Read full story
Steps Toward a Smooth Hospital Stay
You know, I was recently reflecting on my last hospital stay. It began something like this: "OH MY GOD!!!! WHAT IS THAT STABBING PAIN IN MY CHEST!!! ACK! IT'S RUNNING DOWN MY ARM!!!!! GGGGGGGGGGAHHHHHHHHHHH!" I had a heart attack; a goddamned myocardial infarction! It fuckin' HURT! So I got to stay in the hospital for a few days while the doctors reminded me not to be a fat fuck and to quit...Read full story
The Organ Donor Crisis: How You Can Help!
Now, on top of America's healthcare crisis, our nation is currently faced with a shortage of organ donations. As crazy as it may seem, in this land of abundance, violence, and abundant violence, we can't seem to get organ transplants to people who desperately need them, primarily due to lack of donations. Well, once again, the Big Asshole has come up with some really keen ideas that can get us thr...Read full story
Obama Furious With Pelosi Over Jobs Lost Letter
"TELL THAT SHRILL, plastic surgeon's malpractice, four burned out bulbs short of a chandelier, skin covered skeleton in a pant suit that she should bite down on some crust with her pie hole before she criticizes me!" Unconfirmed reports from the...Read full story
Sarah Palin Naked
Sarah Palin (R, AL) was caught naked in the early hours of the morning. Sarah Palin seems to like to walk around naked amid rumors that others have seen Palin naked on several other incidents but only made us aware after it came to our attention.Read full story
Megan Fox Said "Thumbs Down" To Showing Her Thumbs In The Super Bowl Commercial
MIAMI - Megan Fox was in town to watch Super Bowl XLIV. She was asked how she was feeling after taking a horrible fall during the filming of her nude-in-the-tub Super Bowl commercial for Motorola. She replied that she was okay. She said she did ha...Read full story