Forget global warming and ice age Winters. According to new scientific thinking the Earth is actually rejecting human life.
Following massive global disasters such as hurricanes, tsunamis, floods and landslides affecting every corner of the globe and killing millions, scientists are now thinking the unthinkable. The Earth doesn't actually like us very much.
In the distant past mankind placated the planet with tribal dances and human sacrifice. In more recent times we have tried to cut down on emissions and planted a few trees, but to no avail.
A top scientist has today come forward with secret evidence that the Earth is actually rejecting human life. This includes a rainforest which from space shapes out the letters "U SUCK", a new volcanic island shaped like a thumbs down sign and 400 calves born with a downturned smiley face shape on their backs in the last month alone.
A spokesman commented,"Incidents of Gods face appearing in everyday objects have practically ceased, but we are getting hundreds of reports a day of anti-human messages appearing, just the day I cut open an apple and it had "fuck you" written inside."