Lady Gaga Records An X-Rated Winter Olympics-Themed Song

Funny story: Lady Gaga Records An X-Rated Winter Olympics-Themed Song

VANCOUVER, Canada - Lady Gaga was in Vancouver on the fifth stop of her 2010 Damn It's Colder Than A Mutha F'er Canadian Tour when she was asked about her latest song. Gaggy, as her drummer calls her, said that a few weeks ago she had gone into th...

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Man With The Worlds Longest Penis' Wife Runs Away

Funny story: Man With The Worlds Longest Penis' Wife Runs Away

Police in New York say they got a call in the middle of the night Sunday from a Mrs "Toots" Glamour, a former dancer and prostitute saying that she wanted an injunction against her husband, Hardon Privates. "Hardon has driven me to despair because...

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Homely Politicians Can Cheat

When you come right down to it, you have never seen a man so homely but what he could get some other man's wife to run off with him. But seeing the contested beauty bragging about the affair in front of a TV camera is something else. That said, I can see a day when only homely men will run for public office. If you will consider the many cheating men you have seen commanding the evening news,...

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Laughing All The Way To The Grave

Funny story: Laughing All The Way To The Grave

Scientists and Market Researchers have analysed results from online surveys to ascertain the mentality of the Earth's populous in 2010 and beyond. Futurists and present day analysts are predicting a continental shift in how the human race views it...

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World's Largest Fire Festival In Shetland Isles Re-Starts Global Warming!

Funny story: World's Largest Fire Festival In Shetland Isles Re-Starts Global Warming!

The world's largest fire festival, Up-Helly-Aa, held on the last Tuesday of January in the Shetland Islands town of Lerwick in the far north of Scotland when 1,000 men dressed as Vikings parade the streets brandishing flaming torches, is believed to...

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Paula Abdul Says That Her American Idol Replacement Ellen DeGeneres Will Be Fired!

Funny story: Paula Abdul Says That Her American Idol Replacement Ellen DeGeneres Will Be Fired!

HOT SPRINGS, Arkansas - Former American Idol Judge Paula Abdul was in Hot Springs to do the ribbon cutting honors at the grand opening of Cousin Cooter's Bacon Curing Shop and Tattoo Parlor. Abdul told the assembled crowd of 52, or so that she had...

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Suicide Bombers threat of Strike Action

Terrorist suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda management have so far failed to produce an agreement.

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Carly Fiorina sheep-shagging video all the rage among Welsh Nationalists

Funny story: Carly Fiorina sheep-shagging video all the rage among Welsh Nationalists

Carmarthen - (Ewe'll-Be-Sorry!): Plaid Cymru pulses are throbbing with gay abandon this week after California GOP wannabe Senate candidate Carly Fiorina played a blinder with her demon sheep-shagging video. The emblematic mascot of the Welsh Natio...

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'Low Fiber "Atkins-style" Diets Cause of Partisan Iceholeness in DC'

Funny story: 'Low Fiber "Atkins-style" Diets Cause of Partisan Iceholeness in DC'

Scientists have finally admitted that the diet fad of the first decade of the 21st century may be the culprit for the icy political situation in our Nation's capitol. The high protein, low carbohydrate, Atkins-style diet has impacted colons across t...

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CIA jitters at Carlos the Jackal's 'Osama Bin Laden is Nelson Mandela/Mother Theresa's son' memoir

Funny story: CIA jitters at Carlos the Jackal's 'Osama Bin Laden is Nelson Mandela/Mother Theresa's son' memoir

Tora Bora, Afghanistan - (Kabulshit): It's been an open NATO secret for the last 30 years: top global terrorist and 9/11 fall guy Osama Bin Laden is really the son of Nelson Mandela and top Opus Dei harlot Mother Theresa RIP. And now jailed Venez...

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Chinese Year Of The Metal Tiger, Great For Those Facing 60?

Funny story: Chinese Year Of The Metal Tiger, Great For Those Facing 60?

The Chinese year of the metal tiger starts on February 14 and it's a really special year for all those people who were born in 1950, for that was the last time there was a metal tiger year. So, what can those soon to be 60 years old individuals expec...

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School Board Tackles Teen Pregnancy Issue

Funny story: School Board Tackles Teen Pregnancy Issue

A school board has come under attack by the religious organization, Christians Against Sex, CAS, for its approach to dealing with the high rate of pregnancies in the district. In their board meeting of February 15th 2010 it was noted that 20 stu...

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Sister of Florida retiree could have been first chairperson of Chinese communist party

Funny story: Sister of Florida retiree could have been first chairperson of Chinese communist party

Arnold Q. Feppish, 79, of the Old Fort Trailer Court, Unit 26, in Palm Bay has recently discovered that startling fact about his older sister Jean and is wondering how he can cash in on it. "She could have been it," he says. "Definitely, if she'd...

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Brand And Perry: Will It Work?

Funny story: Brand And Perry: Will It Work?

The relationship which has been the talk of Neasden continues to fill the pages of Exchange and Mart. But will Jo Brand and Fred Perry stay together? The pair are no strangers to controversy. Brand is known for her loud mouth, sexual innuendo and bir...

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Jesus's Face Found On Dog Turd

Funny story: Jesus's Face Found On Dog Turd

Paco Monterosso who lives in the small village of Aldeaperromierda in southern Spain was amazed last week when he saw the face of Jesus smiling up at him from a dog turd lying in the street. "It was a seriously spiritual moment," said Paco. "I've see...

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Queen A Big Fan Of The Status Quo

Funny story: Queen A Big Fan Of The Status Quo

The Queen is a big fan of the status quo, as are most of the Royal family and the British aristocracy. At a recent ceremony at Buckingham Palace the Queen said that she hoped things remain the same for ever. In fact she said that she wanted thing...

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Winter storm causes PTSD

Funny story: Winter storm causes PTSD

Dr. Iam Maddenoff has completed his research on the affects of winter storms in the Mid-Atlantic states. From his study on six drunk men, and one really rabby woman with PMS, he has determined that the amount of snowfall in a two day period corre...

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Cheryl at Ashley's Bedside in Hospital!

Funny story: Cheryl at Ashley's Bedside in Hospital!

As Ashley Cole lies in his hospital bed sleeping soundly, little could he dream that his wife Cheryl is waiting patiently beside him with a hammer hidden in her LuLu Guinness handbag ready to break his other ankle! "I'll teach him", Hissed the Non...

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"I Was Conned" Admits Ericsson

Funny story: "I Was Conned" Admits Ericsson

Sven-Goran Eriksson has admitted that he felt he had been "conned" during his bizarre seven months at Notts County. "This guy came up to me in the pub one night and told me that the next big club in world football was going to be Notts County and...

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Margaret Thatcher Converts To Socialism

Funny story: Margaret Thatcher Converts To Socialism

Baroness Thatcher has announced to her stunned followers that she has converted to Socialism following a whirlwind romance with Fidel Castro. One shocked Thatcherite said "She came back from Havana a changed woman. I don't know if it was the beard or...

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Adam Lambert Only Person On Earth Who Enjoyed K.D. Lang's Singing In Olympic Opening Ceremonies

Funny story: Adam Lambert Only Person On Earth Who Enjoyed K.D. Lang's Singing In Olympic Opening Ceremonies

American Idol champion and sexually confused freak Adam Lambert is the only person on the entire planet that actually liked K.D. Lang's version of "Hallelujah" during the Vancouver Winter Olympics Opening Ceremonies. The equally sexually confused La...

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Does Angelina Jolie's Secret Valentine To Brad Shows Mental Troubles Or Brilliance?

Funny story: Does Angelina Jolie's Secret Valentine To Brad Shows Mental Troubles Or Brilliance?

According to all the latest stories about Angelina Jolie, this morning's had to be the strangest. "The National Sewer", who broke the case against Tiger Wood's secret love child, claims that Angelina presented Brad with a two-week vacation package...

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Supreme Court Rules Dittoheads A Religion

Funny story: Supreme Court Rules Dittoheads A Religion

The Supreme Court has ruled 5-4 that the Dittoheads that call in to Rush Limbaugh Show that runs three hours every weekday is a religion that believes only in what Limbaugh teaches them. "His position is the same as that of a preacher", stated Jud...

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Liam Hemsworth, Miley's Live-In Boyfriend, Tossed Out By Billy Ray Cyrus!

Funny story: Liam Hemsworth, Miley's Live-In Boyfriend, Tossed Out By Billy Ray Cyrus!

Whatever happened over at the California residence of Billy Ray Cyrus & family Saturday morning, the end result is that Liam Helmsworth has left the house carrying his stuff in a suitcase and two boxes! Sneaky lowlife reporters, one of them on...

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Osama Bin Laden surrenders to American Forces

Funny story: Osama Bin Laden surrenders to American Forces

15,000 American, Afghan and Nato forces started an assault Friday on a Taliban stronghold in the Central Town of Majah Senior Commanders say a man identifying himself as Osama Bin Laden, considered to be one of the main masterminds of 9/11 has surre...

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Yet Another Modest Proposal - To Teach Americans The History of The English Language and How To Spell It Correctly

Funny story: Yet Another Modest Proposal - To Teach Americans The History of The English Language and How To Spell It Correctly

A modest proposal - to not only teach Americans the history of the English language, but to also teach Americans how to spell its words correctly rather than dropping letters out of words to save space, and misspelling words like primary school children do. There is nothing troublesome about users of the English language spelling it correctly, and if American children are taught to misspell the...

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Greek PM Threatens Europe

Funny story: Greek PM Threatens Europe

The Greek Prime Minister George "Zorba" Papandreou has criticized the European Union's response to Greece's financial crisis. He stated that it was too timid and too slow. In retaliation , he is threatening to close all Greek restaurants through...

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Russian oligarch 'son' claims he's Vanessa Perroncel's husband

Funny story: Russian oligarch 'son' claims he's Vanessa Perroncel's husband

London - (Off Side Mess): "I'm no water under the Wayne bridge!" the mystery son of a Russian oligarch told reporters today. Waving an alleged 1997 Chelsea Registry Office wedding certificate the wannabe Perroncel spouse said his 'wife' Vanessa 'b...

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Local Musician Indecently Touches Am

Funny story: Local Musician Indecently Touches Am

Local pianist, Dick Turpin, 23, has been charged with playing a musical note whilst sitting at his piano - that was under the octave of consent. The note in question was Am. As we all know, the words 'pianist' and 'Am' should never, ever appea...

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John Terry tries to make up with Wife for Valentines Day

Funny story: John Terry tries to make up with Wife for Valentines Day

John Terry has apparently sent his wife Toni large boxes of Terrys All Gold Chocolates, some flowers and a copy of the hit record by Hot Chocolate It started with a kiss, I never thought it would come to this. When I spoke to John this morning I a...

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Which politicians are going to cry most before the election and who are going to cry most after the election?

Funny story: Which politicians are going to cry most before the election and who are going to cry most after the election?

It would turn your stomach the depths these unscrupulous bastards will go to to get sympathy votes from the electorate. As the General Election draws nearer more and more of them are in the news crying out for your votes it started with Alastair C...

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Jon Gosselin's Penis Actually Three and A Half Inches Says Morgan Christie

Funny story: Jon Gosselin's Penis Actually Three and A Half Inches Says Morgan Christie

After Hailey Grassman told several tabloids that her affair with Jon Gosselin came to an end because he had spent a lot of her money and had a three inch penis, Jon's latest quickly refuted that. "Jon's penis is every bit of three and a half inche...

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Capello takes up a cappella

Funny story: Capello takes up a cappella

Barbershop singers around the world think its fab that Fabio Capello is taking up a cappella. Barbershop singers by the way, just in case you don't know, are not guys that sing in hair dressing salons - they're groups of four guys that sing withou...

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The Mr. Men don't celebrate any anniversary today

Funny story: The Mr. Men don't celebrate any anniversary today

The Mr. Men and Little Misses, cartoon characters created by Roger Hargreaves 39 years and 233 days ago today, had no anniversary today but were used shamelessly by the BBC to plug their programmes anyway. The characters are still very popular with small children and here is a list of some them: Mr. Liar: a grinning man that can't stop telling lies - lies about weapons of mass destruction, croo...

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The United States' inventions since 1776

The English language (that comes from England); massacring the Red Indians (whose survivors' descendants hate being called 'Native Americans'); avoiding two World Wars while the British risked their entire existence fighting them; The Oprah Winfrey Show; Tom Cruise movies; believing they're important in a world really ruled from London, Paris, Madrid, Moscow and Beijing; Not realising they'r...

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Dr Dolittle talks to Louie The Fly

Funny story: Dr Dolittle talks to Louie The Fly

Dr Dolittle talks to Louie The Fly it had to be a quick interview because flies only live 24 hours. "Let me start by asking what it is like to be a fly" said Dr Dolittle. Louie explained "My life is shit literally,its one pile of shit after another shit for breakfast shit for lunch shit for dinner you want a snack what do you get shit. Maybe that's why we have such a short life span can you ima...

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BNP announce new Policy: Pretty Immigrants are Allowed

Funny story: BNP announce new Policy: Pretty Immigrants are Allowed

Nick Griffin leader of the BNP has announced a change in policy after hearing a recent news broadcast about Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi. Griffin now agrees that the only immigrants that should be allowed into the country should be pre...

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Campbells banned on The Glencoe Massacre Anniversary

Funny story: Campbells banned on The Glencoe Massacre Anniversary

Branches of McDonalds worldwide have put up notices at the entrances to their premises Banning All Campbells. It is the anniversary of the massacre of Glencoe which took place on the 13th February 1692 when the Campbells slaughtered their hosts th...

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Winter Olympics go ahead despite Global Warming

Funny story: Winter Olympics go ahead despite Global Warming

The Winter Olympics got under way in Vancouver in Canada today despite scaremongering tactics from the Global Warming Cult who predict that in the future there will not be any Winter Olympics. Events in the Winter Olympics will include Ice Hockey,...

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Satan Admits To Leadership Deal With Tony Blair

Funny story: Satan Admits To Leadership Deal With Tony Blair

Satan has admitted that the often hinted at leadership deal with Tony Blair did actually take place. Speaking to an audience of sinners, the Prince of Darkness said "Tony had ruled the underworld for long enough. I reminded him that we had an agreeme...

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Levi Johnston To Guest Star On Desperate Housewives

Funny story: Levi Johnston To Guest Star On Desperate Housewives

HOLLYWOOD - The producer of the ABC hit series Desperate Housewives Marky Cherry has announced that he has just signed Sarah Palin's ex-future son-in-law Levi Johnston to guest star in at least four episodes of the hit prime time soap opera. Cherr...

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Invisible Man Missing!

Funny story: Invisible Man Missing!

Search and rescue squads were dispatched to the Middle of Nowhere today to search for the Invisible Man, who has been missing since last Tuesday. The Invisible Man, who cannot be seen because he is invisible, went missing late Tuesday night after...

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Another Modest Proposal

A Modest Proposal: to Regulate the Different Spellings of the same Words by American and English Writers, to Save Energy both Mechanical and Human, to Reduce Consumption of Ink, Paper and Trees. There is a troublesome dichotomy among users of the English language as to the spelling of certain words. Also, certain spelling rules taught to grade school children in America run counter to orthograp...

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University Axes History of Art with Heaps of Artifice

Funny story: University Axes History of Art with Heaps of Artifice

Many people appreciate art. But some university administrators don't - In Canada there's a university in Hamilton, Ontario, near a place called Wonderland. (Yes, really!) A debate has begun there about the value of the subject known as the History of...

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Brooklyn Dog Mugged, Barks Description of Mugger to Police Canine Unit

Funny story: Brooklyn Dog Mugged, Barks Description of Mugger to Police Canine Unit

The crime occurred last week outside a grocery story in Park Slope, where the dog, Moxie, had been tied up for a short time by her owner while she shopped. When the owner came out of the store, she found a shivering, traumatized Moxie. The poor pooc...

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Bin Laden, Al Qaida Network Disappointed in Ratings

Funny story: Bin Laden, Al Qaida Network Disappointed in Ratings

Osama Bin Laden and the Al Qaida Network are at odds after Bin Laden's latest videos failed to muster viewers. The disappointment is especially bitter for the Al Qaida Network, which had high hopes for the videos after switching the timing of their r...

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President Obama Says Every Boy 16 and Over Needs A Blow-Up Doll

Funny story: President Obama Says Every Boy 16 and Over Needs A Blow-Up Doll

In his Friday morning Speech to the Nation, President Barack Obama continued to talk about all the sex and violence where teenagers are concerned, continuing the subject of Thursday's PM Speech to the Nation. "With sex and violence all over the in...

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Kirstie Alley Runs Naked Through Central Park

Funny story: Kirstie Alley Runs Naked Through Central Park

Kirstie Alley says she is sick and tired of reporters following her around to take pics for tabloids and publish their latest fat story, so she had finally had enough and ran naked through Central Park yesterday, nearly catching pneumonia. "I-I-I'...

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Humor Writers Facing A New Financial Dilema - Outsourcing

Funny story: Humor Writers Facing A New Financial Dilema - Outsourcing

A new financial horror for professional English language writers has come about. It seems that in our modern times even written articles are being outsourced to other countries. Publishers on a number of freelance writers websites are requesting...

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Conan O'Brien Has To Toe The Line With Fox News

Funny story: Conan O'Brien Has To Toe The Line With Fox News

Fox News has announced that it is hiring NBC reject Conan O'Brien to add to their evening powerhouse comedy show lineup. O'Brien, according to his contract however, will have to make a lot of changes before he can be considered true FOX material.

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BBC Spring Watch - "UK Taliban Offensive Waste of Time and Tax Payers Money!"

Funny story: BBC Spring Watch - "UK Taliban Offensive Waste of Time and Tax Payers Money!"

Key BBC Spring Watch presenter Simon King has deemed this week's UK assault on the Taliban as "a complete waste of time and tax payers money, any sane person knows that the Taliban fly south to warmer climes to breed in Pakistan during the winter mon...

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