Written by Earl Grey

Saturday, 20 February 2010

image for Met Investigates MFI Torture Claims
Were you locked in here? Did you suffer from MFI's sideboarding? We want to hear from you

The Metropolitan Police are investigating claims that men were routinely tortured by the furniture retailer MFI. Information was passed to the Met by a former employee, Mr Stig O'Treacy, who told police that he had witnessed men being sideboarded at regular intervals.

O'Treacy, speaking on condition of anonymity, said "They would get these guys and put them on the sideboard. It was horrible to watch. And the screams! Oh, God! They screamed such a horrible scream" said O'Treacy, a keen amateur drama enthusiast.

Detective Inspector Tony Dobin, the legendary Dobin of the Yard, said "This is a very nasty case. We have witness statements that point towards torture involving a three piece suite, a mock Persian rug and I can't even begin to describe what they did with a chest of drawers."

MFI have denied using any torture and say that all their furniture complied with strict Government safety regulations.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: torture, Furniture




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