Life At Moorview Institute - Chapter 20

Funny story: Life At Moorview Institute - Chapter 20

Look, I already tole ya's. I can't hang aroun here witch yous. Dis is my coffee and cigarette break, alright? Jeeze! Frickin' reporters... What you want wit me anyways? Why don'tcha go talk to some a de udder guys? Da big shots? Da names? Go talk ta da frickin' hotshots. I'm juss wunner da liddle guys. Litewally. What? Ya don't tink life's a bitch when you's a coupla inches shy of four feet...

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Farmer's Home is NOT His Castle

Funny story: Farmer's Home is NOT His Castle

A farmer who erected a castle and kept it hidden behind bales of hay and tarpaulin has lost a Court Battle to stop it being demolished under Planning Laws. Eric Fiddler built his home - complete with battlements, portcullis, cannon, moat and dunge...

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David Lynch Slated to Direct John Edwards Biopic

Funny story: David Lynch Slated to Direct John Edwards Biopic

More trouble for John Edwards surfaced this week when a close family friend told various gossip publications that the disgraced former Democratic presidential candidate struck his cancer-stricken wife during a shocking marriage-ending brawl. Afte...

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Toni Terry WAGs It Up In Dubai

Funny story: Toni Terry WAGs It Up In Dubai

Friends of Toni Terry, the wife of sex scandal plagued Chelsea and England captain John, who has allegedly been putting it about a bit, say that Mrs Terry appears relaxed and happy in Dubai as she contemplates where her marriage goes from here. I...

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Media Blackout At Stamford Bridge

Funny story: Media Blackout At Stamford Bridge

It has just been revealed that Chelsea FC have been operating a blanket media ban across all areas of the clubs activities. It has been assumed by assumptive types that the media blackout is intended to prevent the John Terry sex scandal revelations...

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Vanessa Perroncel - Come In Number Five

Funny story: Vanessa Perroncel - Come In Number Five

It appears that Vanessa Perroncel, the French lingerie model and official bedwarmer to the Chelsea football fraternity has been quite a naughty little minx who has been flashing her je ne sais pas at no less than five Chelsea footballers. Which is...

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Brain Dead Man Cries live on TV

Funny story: Brain Dead Man Cries live on TV

An emotional Peter Andre stopped a live Bilge News TV interview after breaking down while talking about his children and celebrity whore Katie Price. Andre asked to quit the interview with Bilge's Fenella Vadge after stating her: "I'm sorry for re...

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Heather Mills Disqualified and Booted Off "Dancing on Ice"

Funny story: Heather Mills Disqualified and Booted Off "Dancing on Ice"

Heather Mills, former wife of Paul McCartney, has struggled over the past few years to change her public image from that of an attention hungry, gold-digging opportunist to an inspirational role model for disadvantaged women worldwide. Mills lost par...

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Spacemen from Outer Space Part 1

Funny story: Spacemen from Outer Space Part 1

"Greetings Earthlings," said a strange green figure wielding a gun. Ronnie and Reggie Crayfish looked on, then Reggie lifted a small black device of his own and pushed a button. The alien vanished. "I hate fucking sci-fi films," he said, flicking through channels for something else to watch. His wife Ronnie (actually short for Ronaldetta) agreed. "What are they on about, blooming aliens?...

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Amy Winehouse To Replace Katie Couric On CBS News

Funny story: Amy Winehouse To Replace Katie Couric On CBS News

Representatives of CBS are being quiet and coy about it but word out on the street is that Amy Winehouse will soon replace Katie Couric as anchor person on CBS Evening News. Amy has lately admitted that she once met Walter Cronkite when she was y...

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EPA Modifies Beer Ban Following Public Outcry

Funny story: EPA Modifies Beer Ban Following Public Outcry

THE ENVIRONMENTAL PROTECTION AGENCY (EPA) said today that it will modify its complete ban on beer that was formally proposed on Monday. The EPA now says that beer will only be banned at "outdoor events, where deadly CO2 gases would be released direc...

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Australian banker caught "porno-ing" it on TV!

Funny story: Australian banker caught "porno-ing" it on TV!

Now we all know that bankers cannot be trusted and that they spend investors money as if it was their own, we forgive them for that. We have also forgiven them (nearly) for causing the global financial meltdown, forcing banks to go bankrupt, compa...

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Shocking typing error on police memo

Funny story: Shocking typing error on police memo

Police in Glasgow have to be issued with tasers a gun which delivers a 50000 volt shock to disable criminals who resist arrest. It is now emerging however that due to a typing error a memo was issued saying that police would be issued with lasers.

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CRU Reports Arctic Warming Spike

Funny story: CRU Reports Arctic Warming Spike

CLIMATE SCIENTISTS stationed at remote outposts in Western Canada and in Norway are reporting "dangerous and consistent daytime warming" in the range of 8 to 10 degrees higher than normal announced Professor Cretino Grasso, Director of the CRU (Clima...

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When Galaxies collide

Funny story: When Galaxies collide

Every second that passes our Galaxy the Milky Way is getting closer to our nearest galaxy the Andromeda Galaxy and is predicted to eventually collide in one of the most violent collisions in the universe. The gap between The Milky Way Galaxy and The Andromeda Galaxy is 2.2 million light years but closing at 500,000 km an hour. Meanwhile nearer at home the sun is losing 4 million tons a secon...

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Life At The Moorview Institute-Chapter 19

Funny story: Life At The Moorview Institute-Chapter 19

Soon after he had dispatched the slightly insane Dr. Phineas Barger, seen to the welfare of a well shaken up Eloise Altoids, and assured her of comfort later that evening, Luther retired to his room, carefully locked the door, retrieved his journal and then moved to the secret panel in the back of the closet. Releasing the hidden latches, Luther pulled out a large black board on coasters which...

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Overzealous Local Man Loves Wife To Bits

Funny story: Overzealous Local Man Loves Wife To Bits

Local man Berry Turnip, 28, was so infatuated with his brand new wife Mary that he literally loved her to bits. A postman found Mary's shattered body lying on the patio surrounded with rose petals and heart-shaped boxes of chocolates. "It was h...

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Michael Jackson Elected To Pedophile Hall of Fame in First Year of Eligibility

Funny story: Michael Jackson Elected To Pedophile Hall of Fame in First Year of Eligibility

The late pop singer Michael Jackson has had another honor come his way with his selection to the American Pedophile Hall of Fame in his first year of eligibility. Jackson, who has versions of his life story or tributes playing almost constantly MTC,...

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Obama and China enter "Cold War" because nobody wants to "Nuke" North Korea!

Funny story: Obama and China enter "Cold War" because nobody wants to "Nuke" North Korea!

US President Obama and Nobel Peace Prize winner has told China, "Nuke North Korea or I won't speak to you again!" China replied, "then don't" This has led to a chilling of relationships and an eventual "Cold War"! Obama has asked Taiwan to...

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John Terry Receives Horse's Head

Funny story: John Terry Receives Horse's Head

Ahead of his planned meeting with Don Fabio to discuss his recent infidelities, it can be revealed that England football captain John Terry has received the ultimate mafia threat - a severed horses head as he awoke in his now wifeless bed this mornin...

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Obama says this Land is your land

Funny story: Obama says this Land is your land

Japanese scientists researching in the Pacific Ocean were astounded as land suddenly rose out of the ocean about half a mile in front of their boat. The men from the land of the rising sun were not expecting to see the sea with the rising land. Th...

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Congress declares Michael Jackson Day

Funny story: Congress declares Michael Jackson Day

WASHINGTON DC--Congress, seeking a bilateral issue with which to overcome vitriolic partisanship, declared February 29th to be Micheal Jackson Day, honoring the "King of Pop". The honor follows on the heels of a Lifetime Achievement Grammy for the...

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"I Hope You Die!" Betty White's Note To Fellow Golden Girl Who's Had a Stroke

Funny story: "I Hope You Die!" Betty White's Note To Fellow Golden Girl Who's Had a Stroke

"I hope you die, so I can be the last Golden Girl!" That was Betty White's "get well" card to fellow former Golden Girls cast member Rue McClanahan, who is recovering from a stroke. "Betty's full of shit", laughed McClanahan. "She and I both sent...

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'Escape From Newcastle-Upon-Tyne' starring Kurt Russell premieres today

Funny story: 'Escape From Newcastle-Upon-Tyne' starring Kurt Russell premieres today

As the annual tedious Oscar ceremonies rapidly approached this month, 'Escape From Newcastle-Upon-Tyne' was released today to be a last-minute candidate for a Goldyawn Globe award. Directed by John Tarantino Coppola the action begins as Kurt Russe...

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Gay Pill New Date Rape Drug

Funny story: Gay Pill New Date Rape Drug

As evident in the breaking story of a Chester based funeral parlour, the conduct of these men was clearly gay. Although many of the men claim to have wives and girlfriends, leaked photographs from the parlour's Christmas party show the men prancing...

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Lady Gaga to Play Lady Macbeth in London

Funny story: Lady Gaga to Play Lady Macbeth in London

Following her interesting and semi-memorable wardrobe appearance at the 2010 Grammy Awards, Lady Gaga has announced that she will expand her repertoire beyond pop music to play the challenging role of Lady Macbeth on London's West End this spring.

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Thousands of Home Owner Policies Cancelled in Florida

Funny story: Thousands of Home Owner Policies Cancelled in Florida

An Insurance Company has just announced that they are canceling thousands of home owner policies in Florida. The reason: "Hurricanes are a pre-existing condition in Florida." A spokesman said: "These people knew that hurricanes were a pre-existing...

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Jennifer Aniston Opens Bachelorette Pad to Architectural Digest

Funny story: Jennifer Aniston Opens Bachelorette Pad to Architectural Digest

Hoping to shift attention away from her inability to hang on to a man, or her no-longer- bankable, one dimensional characters on film, Jennifer Aniston will instead be featuring her new Beverly Hills home in the next edition of Architectural Digest m...

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PM Blames Petrol Prices on Suicide Bombers

Funny story: PM Blames Petrol Prices on Suicide Bombers

Barak Obama and Gordon Brown, today in a joint statement announced that petrol prices were set to rise again due to those pesky suicide bombers. Blaming those flammable bomber characters around the world for a hugely volatile petroleum market. At...

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Nick Jonas Headlines at Mardi Gras

Funny story: Nick Jonas Headlines at Mardi Gras

New Orleans will be a busy town with the start of Mardi Gras festivities, and excitement around the New Orleans Saints in the Super Bowl, but Nick Jonas will add to the attraction by making several appearances along Bourbon Street this weekend. St...

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Avram Grant: "I didn't know it was a gay brothel"

Funny story: Avram Grant: "I didn't know it was a gay brothel"

Portsmouth - (Offside Rule): A police raid on the Whorton Heath massage parlor has revealed a gay extension at the rear of the premises It is believed to cater to growing local demand for specialist commercial services. These are normally only av...

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Ann Widdecombe demands French Electro House for Everyone

Funny story: Ann Widdecombe demands French Electro House for Everyone

Pit-bull faced Politician, Ann Widdecombe has been doing the rounds today on just about every bloody news channel barking on about MPs expenses again. Better make sure you keep the receipts for the three Starbuck lattes you had Ann - plus the Caj...

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Scans on "Brain Dead" WAGs Show "Modest Signs of Life" According to Clinic!

Funny story: Scans on "Brain Dead" WAGs Show "Modest Signs of Life" According to Clinic!

A clinic in Cambridge, England has claimed that signs of life and cognitive recognition does exist in people who have been declared 'Brain Dead' for years, even though they functioned in Society. A recent published study has gained acceptance afte...

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Muslim Woman's Headgear Leaves Hull Man Astonished

Funny story: Muslim Woman's Headgear Leaves Hull Man Astonished

There was confusion and wonderment in a Bangkok shopping centre this evening, when a foreign teacher living in the city was taken aback by a contraption being worn on the head by a Muslim woman, that caused the foreigner to think immediately of Profe...

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Blair's speeches and books to be turned into toilet roll

Funny story: Blair's speeches and books to be turned into toilet roll

Speeches and books by Tony Blair have to be turned into toilet roll and then it would at least serve some purpose. Japanese Scientists have invented a machine that turns A4 paper into toilet paper. The machine is six feet tall and weighs in at 94...

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French Open Experiencing Clown Hangover: Nadal Concerned

Funny story: French Open Experiencing Clown Hangover: Nadal Concerned

Paris, France - French Open unOfficials at Roland Garros are concerned about a perplexing problem that is currently befuddling their grounds crew. Jean Luc Deville,head grounds keeper, who is normally known for his elegant blue pin stripe suits, has...

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Blair gives reduced prison sentences if you are religious you get off scot free if you vote Labour

Funny story: Blair gives reduced prison sentences if you are religious you get off scot free if you vote Labour

Blair causes more controversy but this time its not Tony its the wife Cherie Blair. While sitting as a judge at a London Crown Court she has being giving reduced sentences to violent criminals if they are religious so don't say you are an atheist or...

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Live Longer but Life's a Bitch then you die

Funny story: Live Longer but Life's a Bitch then you die

Research has shown that the chance of you living to 100 or more is 10000-1. Even in families where there is a history of living longer you still have to avoid accidents and disease which is harder to fight off the older you get. Scientist Ian You...

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Leif Garret and Rip Torn to Star in New Film: "Jeez, What Stinks Around Here?"

Funny story: Leif Garret and Rip Torn to Star in New Film: "Jeez, What Stinks Around Here?"

Leif Garret, 48, a One Time Big Time Pop Star & and Retired Spoofer, had just been arrested for possession of, and flying high on H-juice. Appearing to have been shootin' some kind of juice up the spoof pipes for years, he appeared in booking ph...

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Apple iPads Escape from Warehouse, Go on Shopping Spree

Funny story: Apple iPads Escape from Warehouse, Go on Shopping Spree

Last night's reports of roving iPads shocked residents of California, including puzzled Apple executives who had locked the tablets in a warehouse and figured that they'd stay there until shipment to customers later this year. That's what they though...

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German Investment Group Hatches Plan For Auschwitz Theme Park

Funny story: German Investment Group Hatches Plan For Auschwitz Theme Park

Jewish communities were in uproar this afternoon after a group of German investors announced plans to build a new theme park close to the site of the infamous Death Camp at Auschwitz, used to exterminate millions of Jews between 1940 and 1945. The...

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Ideologues on the Supreme Court Rollback Democracy

Today in a stunning 5-4 decision, the forces of truth, justice, democracy, and the American way were rolled back by Tony "The Fixer" Scalia, Clarence Thomas, Samuel "Unitary Executive" Alito, Anthony Kennedy and Chief 'Justice' John Roberts. They...

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Cadbury to replace all chocolate with cheese

Funny story: Cadbury to replace all chocolate with cheese

In the first of many cost saving measures, Cadbury has announced the replacement of all chocolate with Kraft's cheesy food product. The company claims that most consumers will not even notice the difference. Dairy Milk bars will be the first trea...

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John Terry May Have Bedded Entire Chelsea Team WAGS!

Funny story: John Terry May Have Bedded Entire Chelsea Team WAGS!

John Terry, the Chelsea and England defender 'under investigation' by the tabloid 'newspapers' for allegedly shagging his former teammate's bird, may have bedded the entire Chelsea team's wives and girlfriends (WAGS), it has been alleged, by me. T...

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NASA Plans to Take Over Earth-Like Planet

Funny story: NASA Plans to Take Over Earth-Like Planet

NASA's Kepler space telescope has apparently discovered a planet that is like Earth only much nicer, according to NASA scientists. "The planet the telescope discovered is in the constellation Hydra", said Kepler program manager James Franson. "It...

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Spoof Fan Mail Received in January, 2010

Funny story: Spoof Fan Mail Received in January, 2010

Every magazine receives fan mail, even an on line publication such as this one. Some of this mail will be complimentary of stories or of the publication in general, while other letters condemn us for articles or jokes that were found to be offensive to them. Below are some of the highlights of mail received in the past months from the readership of The Spoof: Letter from "Chesty" in Nashvil...

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