Economy Causes "Day of the Week" Panties to Drop To Six Per Package
Blame the economy, the recession/depression, high unemployment, or the political party of your choice, but lady's panty manufacturers have said that they can no longer afford to sell "day of the week" panties in packages of seven. All new packages b...Read full story
Superman Accused Of Rape By The Invisible Man!
Reports are coming in of a bizarre incident involving Superman, Wonder Woman and The Invisible Man. It appears that Superman may be guilty of raping The Invisible Man, though it may not have been a deliberate act. According to a report released by...Read full story
Olympic Committee Announces "Everybody Wins!"
VANCOUVER-The United States has continued to bring home Olympic Gold, with 2 out of 8 medalists winning top honors, and Germany and France trailing at 6 total medal wins. In an unprecedented decision, the Olympic Committee has unanimously decided...Read full story
In my capacity as a Spoof reviewer who also writes about cooking, I posed myself the question today - how do you review a piece of food? And isn't a review a writeup about a play or a rock band playing or something like that? But undaunted I opened the day's post and found a box full of frozen turkeys in it! My initial reaction was one of fear, as I know that turkeys spread ghastly pandemics of...Read full story
Cheryl Cole Asks Simon Cowell To Accompany Her To The Brit Awards
LONDON - In an interesting development in the much-ballyhooed "Cole Cuts" saga starring Cheryl and Ashley Cole, a very reliable but unnamed source says that Cheryl has asked Simon Cowell to accompany her to the Brit Awards. Simon who along with Da...Read full story
Londonistan celebrates as great unwashed Brit media tops medal race at 2010 Vancouver Olympics winning top award for "stinkiest breath and rottenest teeth".
Britain has finally topped the medals table at a Winter Olympics. News coming out of the 2010 Vancouver Olympics shows a surge in medals for the much-dead Empire's unwashed media denizens. At the medals-award ceremonies last night the debt-ri...Read full story
Sex drought Britain
London - (Non-Ass Mess): National statistics released today say that more than a quarter of women aged 35+ 'never' have sex, twenty-eight per cent are abstinent and 38 per cent are celibate. "The further North you go the less women are having sex,...Read full story
'Fuck' Declared The Most Versatile Word Ever By Oxford University!
Oxford University in England is arguably the greatest seat of learning the modern world has known. Here, great minds have studied, and great statesmen, generals, leaders and all round nice guys have come out of this remarkable place throughout its no...Read full story
Ashley Cole Confesses to Cheryl That He Doesn't Even Know How To Send Text Messages
LONDON - Chelsea and England footballer Ashley Cole emailed his wife Cheryl from their mansion in Surrey to the five-star Bloomin' Begonia Blooms Hotel in Central London, where she is staying. Ashley told his wife, who is scheduled to perform at t...Read full story
Cheryl and Ashley Cole's Marital Status Is Slowly Slithering Into The Salaciously Steamy Sewer of Sadness
LONDON - Once upon a time in merry ole' England Cheryl and Ashley Cole were the land of Shakespeare's most popular and happiest couple, other than Charlie and Cammy of course. But then the cold, frigid, British biting winter wind hit and it litera...Read full story
Passenger Told To Get Off Plane Cause He Is Just Too Damn Fat!
OAKLAND - Passenger X-103 aka Kevin Smith is angry, upset, fit to be tied, and so pissed off that he could eat a horse literally. Smith who works as a food taster for The Fallopian Food Company of Sausalito, California said that he purchased his t...Read full story
The Real Reason That Kenya Did Not Send A Winter Olympics Team To Vancouver
MOMBASA, Kenya - The coach of the Kenyan Winter Olympics team, Moy Kusikatta, told a reporter for The Mombasa Daily Vine that contrary to what has been written in all of the world's major newspapers, the reason why the Kenyan team did not go to Vanco...Read full story
Padmits She's a Moron; Crowds Cheer
Former US Vice Presidential candidate and dysfunctional red neck family mom sarah Palin has officially declared herself a moron. Palin announced her moron status to a cheering crowd of thousands of very white, well armed, stupid people at a Tea Party...Read full story
Fed up with bald jokes Prince William said to be considering shaving Royal pate
LONDON-ISTAN: Uneasy lies the balding head on which will rest the crown [of jewels stolen from India]- someday. Pictures released on Thursday by a well-known royal rag show the 27-year old prematurely balding-blond Prince William with a thick hea...Read full story
That's Not My Shite! - Claims Local Dog
A local dog has hit out against claims that he is responsible for coating the streets in sticky, brown doggie doo-doo. Barky the dog, 2, has said that he is suffering 'emotional turmoil' and 'stress' after rumours throughout the local village bega...Read full story
Second TV Presenter Admits Mercy Killing
A second, as yet unnamed, TV presenter has admitted to a mercy killing. The unknown presenter, thought to have once been a children's star is rumoured to have strangled his long time partner after their career had taken a dive. One insider said "...Read full story
Ray Gobling gets a good spanking for smothering his lover
Ray Gobling got a good spanking today according to the Poof Gazete for admitting smothering his lover. "I have no regrets" said Gobling. "I used a duck down pillow and he was going to die in any event." Inspector Ben Dover from the Wankershire...Read full story
Tipper Gore: Al's Not So Hot Anymore!
Blonde Pudglet Tipper Gore, wife of the fabulously wealthy Gaseous Green Machine, Big Al Gore of Nobel Prize Infamy gushed out her revelation that "Al is no longer hot" on the Larry King Comatose show last night! Tipper says she hasn't seen her hu...Read full story
Vernon Kay And Russell Brand To Host 30th TITS Awards
The 30th TITS awards are to be hosted by Vernon Kay and Russell Brand. The awards bash is to be hosted at the Scunthorpe Licensed Refreshment Rooms and all the big stars are to attend. Rhian Sugden is up for a couple of gongs for her part in "Don't T...Read full story
Archie Manning Makes More Money Than His Sons, Peyton & Eli!
Retired quarterback Archie Manning is making more money than both his sons, Eli and Peyton, put together. This fact was secretly released after an audit by the Internal Revenue Service that was released by a recently retired employee. "We could...Read full story
Tiger Woods, Sarah Palin Sign To Do New Commercials Together
Don't be surprised if you see Tiger Woods between segments of network and local news ads. Apparently Tiger's vast fortune is slipping and he has finally agreed to do a commercial. Who would risk Tiger doing a commercial at this time? "We though...Read full story
Annoying, fat, Scouse woman on Deal or No Deal drives angry viewers to watch Midsomer Murders instead
Daytime TV viewers were up in arms today after self righteous, gnome Noel Edmonds, chose an irritating lump of lard from Liverpool to be the contestant on Deal Or No Deal. Fans of the show took an immediate dislike to her and reached for their rem...Read full story
The Return of Geoff Boycott's Corridor of Uncertainty
Good day and welcome. It's great to back with another corridor of uncertainty. I've been tied to my mother's pinny since my last installment. Now I'm back and here is a belter of a letter from little Ashley. Dear Geoff, I have a problem. I can't sleep unless I'm completely naked and people take photos of me. Strange, isn't it? Recently I was sleep walking naked when I tripped and fell. As l...Read full story
The Meaning Of Life Discovered By A Man From Dudley!
The answer to the meaning of life has always eluded mankind. For centuries our philosophers have pored over this ponderous question that concerns the purpose and significance of our humble existence - until now, that is! Yesterday afternoon, Dudle...Read full story
Chelsea Sign New Russian Star; Wags Very Excited
Today at the Stamford Bridge brothel Chelsea FC unveiled their new Russian signing. Houdyanika Bolakov, formerly of Torpedo Chernobyl, has signed for an undisclosed fee-although rumours suggest it was in the region of two balloons and a gold fish.Read full story
With Miniscule Showers on Board, Hundreds of Obese Passengers on SS Emerald Banana Forced to Bathe in Pool!
The Cruise Director for The SS Emerald Banana, a fairly recent cruise ship of 113,000 tonnes, announced that all future cruises would be cancelled until the ship underwent a retro fit for new shower stalls. While there had been complaints during t...Read full story
African in mud hut in Pizza Hut name infringement
Legal Action may be taken against a Kenyan man who lives in a mud hut because he has started his own business making pizzas in his hut and has erected a huge sign above his hut saying Pizza Hut. Parasayip Ole Koyati set up his business selling piz...Read full story
Google is God!
New York -- Wall Street analysts conferred with Vatican officials last week concerning the status of one of the Internet's most popular brands. It was announced early this morning that Google is the Messiah. "All glory, laud and honor to Google,"...Read full story
Mafia Sues Wall-Street For Patent Infringement
In a move that took the financial industry by surprise The Wall Street Journal ls reporting that the Mafia families in the states of New York, New Jersey, Rhode Island, and Connecticut are suing the major Wall-Street banking firms for patent infringe...Read full story
Liverpool v Unirea Urziceni - The Top Stories Come First!
In an eventful week during which our national game has hit the headlines for all the wrong reasons, it's reassuring to know that Liverpool Football Club are proudly flying the flag. The Reds continue their Europa League odyssey this Thursday when...Read full story
Review: King Edward Potatoes
In my capacity as Spoof reviewer, I was recently sent a bag of fifteen King Edward potatoes to review. My initial reaction was one of disappointment, as there was no instruction manual in the bag, and the web address printed on the side of the bag took me to a national supermarket chain, where I could still not find any instructions on using these potatoes. However, being a dedicated review...Read full story
Silent Vigil Speaks
Vigil Shortbread, the ninety five year old man known throughout the world as "Silent Vigil" has finally ended the longest silent protest in history. Mr Shortbread hit the headlines back in 1915 when, aged only five, he vowed never to speak again unle...Read full story
Thousands of Ex Pats in Thailand Receiving 'Air Conditioning Allowance' from UK!
The UK government accounting office revealed today that thousands of former Brits were receiving millions of pounds in 'Air Conditioning' Substance allowances under an obscure law sponsored by The Big Labour party as part of the EU fiasco. Just as...Read full story
British Court of Appeal awards Mullah Baradar damages in advance of torture
The capture of top Afghan Taliban leader Mullah Baradar by U.S. military units has been a mixed blessing. While the Obama administration (in between planning to collect the next Nobel Peace Prize) has hailed it as a success and a blow to the "tiny ti...Read full story
Climate Change Guru Admits Global Warming Hoax Not Only One He Fabricated!
International Climate Change Guru and multi millionaire Rajendra Pachauri is under fire again, this time in relation to his just published Romance Novel 'Return to Almora' detailing his many conquests while acting as a train conductor. As if rece...Read full story
Brit Awards emergency someone has stole the red carpet
The Brit Awards maybe delayed because someone has stole the red carpet from the entrance to the building at Earls Court in London just hours before the awards ceremony is due to start. Some of the main suspects include Lady Ga Ga but she is saying...Read full story
Taliban Send SOS to The BNP
The Taliban have been sending fax messages, emails and making phone calls to Nick Griffin of the BNP asking for help to get rid of all the immigrants that have invaded Afghanistan because the hills are alive with the sound of gunfire. Nick Griffin...Read full story
David Beckham is confident he will perform well tonight
It's his biggest play since the Los Angeles Scorers beat the Cincinnati Crazies in the final of the US Supreme World Series soccer finals earlier this year, but David Beckham is certain he will put in his best ever performance in the big showdown bet...Read full story
Hexed 'Oversight Of Filth' hidden meaning in Cheryl's Brit Awards song
London - (Three Words): Is there a hexed secret message in Cheryl Cole's Brits song Fight For This Love? A simple rearrangement of the title reveals Oversight Of Filth - a spooky commentary on latest twists in her rocky marriage woes? The Girl...Read full story
Olympic Curling Event Draws Record Crowds
Though most non-Canadians walking through the Olympic grounds in Vancouver have never heard of the obscure sport, the 2010 team curling competition has drawn huge crowds, overwhelming event staff at the Vancouver Ice Centre. With planned seating s...Read full story
Ashley Cole Becomes Chelsea's Top Scorer
Ashley Cole has done it again! Always a threat around the box, Cole arrived late and he really doesn't miss from there. This brings his career tally to 100, placing him comfortably ahead of team mates John Terry, Frank Lampard and Joe Cole (no relati...Read full story
'Self-Publicists Make Your Ears Hurt' reaches Number One
'Self-Publicists Make Your Ears Hurt', the song recorded to help feeble B-list faded pop stars to publicise themselves to help the tragedy that is their careers, today went straight to Number One after its organiser Simon Lithpfool went round to his...Read full story
Captured al Qaeda field commander: Oooops!
CNN, 2/16/10: "Some jihadist Web sites monitored by CNN are warning al Qaeda leaders that a recently captured field commander had more than three hundred names and numbers plus important documents on him at the time of his arrest." Osama bin Laden when apprised of the capture got a migraine. Here is what was discovered: * Michael Moore's cell * Love letter from Nancy Pelosi * Susi...Read full story
Taylor Swift Accused Of Singing Crap By The Ghost Of Hank Williams!
Taylor Swift, American Grammy award-winning singer and songwriter, Academy of Country Music Award winner and lots of other awards to her credit too, has been visited by the ghost of country music legend, Hank Williams who died on New Year's Eve of 19...Read full story
Life At The Moorview Institute - Chapter 23: The Loonies Visit The Zoo
LIFE AT THE MOORVIEW INSTITUTE: THE LOONIES VISIT THE ZOO - Edna Bitter's alarm clock went off at 5 a.m. as it does each morning. The Moorview Institute head of the office staff quickly got out of bed and walked into the bathroom. She brushed her teeth and then stepped into the shower stall. She got back out when she noticed that she had forgotten to take off her black baby doll and match...Read full story
Bar Brawl at Winter Olympics
An amazing Bar Brawl took place at Tributes Bar in Vancouver involving athletes from the Winter Olympics and the bars regular local boozers. Tributes Bar puts on tribute acts every evening but no one could predict the circumstances that led to a f...Read full story
British Olympian Heard Complaining
The only British person to appear in this year's Winter Olympics in Vancouver has lived up to the British reputation of whining incessantly, so much so, other competitors have requested that this Whining Pom is deported. Having had the best prepar...Read full story
An even mor modest proposal to make spelling esier
An even mor Modest Proposal: that everyone whenever they wish can omit surplus letters in words that don't represent meaning or pronunciation and often mislead. They ar the most common reason why spelling demons ar demonic. They waste time, paper, ink, but even mor they waste peple's time lerning them and hassl over getting them incorrect. U cannot gess what they ar or put them in the right pl...Read full story
The Eddie The Eagle Prize at The Winter Olympics
The Canadian Monthly magazine known as 'The Loser' which lists worldwide losers every month in everything from sporting events to politics is going to have a competition this month at The Winter Olympics which they are going to call The Eddie The Eag...Read full story
Pancake Day History Remembered
Well, it's here once more: Pancake Day, the day we all ask Mum to dust down her cooking utensils, and flip us a pancake or two so that we can all enjoy a treat and remember why it is we all eat pancakes in the first place. Pancakes were first flip...Read full story
Winter Olympics Officials invite Al Gore to the Olympics
Winter Olympics officials have invited Al Gore to Vancouver to watch some of the events including Speed Skating and Bobsleighs. Al Gore as we all know has made an absolute fortune from his Global Warming lectures even although the effect Humans h...Read full story
Fan Proposes at Hockey Game, Ends up with Fractured Jaw
The best of the action was in the stands at Madison Square Garden on the weekend. A hopeless romantic had arranged for his marriage proposal to be flashed on the big screen near the scoreboard. His girlfriend, who was sitting next to him in the sta...Read full story
Kate Gosselin Says That Hailey Glassman Is Right About Jon Gosselin's Little Bitty 3-Inch "Winky"
ANNAPOLIS, Maryland - Kate Gosselin of Jon and Kate Plus 8 fame was in Annapolis speaking before a meeting of The American Mothers of Sextuplets Society. Kate, who recently, had a $7,000 hairdo job done, was all smiles as she talked about her eigh...Read full story
Brit Awards 2010 Snubbed By John And Toni Terry
John and Toni Terry arrived back in the UK yesterday from their Dubai sojourn, pretending to keep a low profile, but happily, if somewhat awkwardly posing for paparrazi like any normal married couple. To all outward appearances it would appear tha...Read full story
David Beckham v Manchester United Amid Tight Security
To Manchester United fans he'll always be a legend who will never be disrespected for the years of loyal service he has given to the club he has supported since childhood. To Sir Alex Ferguson, David Beckham is just another footballer, one of many...Read full story
"I-Queue" Test for Immigrants
Would-be UK immigrants will need to brush up on their queuing etiquette if they want to add "Wait" to their citizenship applications and become "True-Queue Brits", immigration minister Den Stwitte announced yesterday. 'The simple and courteous act...Read full story
Grandpa Ganja On Exercise
History demonstrates that great societies are invariably overthrown from within and that external forces only succeed in conquering these great nations when they've been sufficiently weakened by their own foolhardiness. Witness Greece and the fall of Rome and a thousand others over the centuries. History repeats itself. Our country is in the very process of being weakened internally and prim...Read full story