Ashley Cole Inspired By Tiger Woods Apology

Written by Skoob1999

Saturday, 20 February 2010

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Nobbled footy star Ashley Cole told Chelsea team-mate and fellow target of media vitriol John Terry, that he was inspired by Tiger Woods impressively choreographed and butt clenchingly embarrassing public apology to wife, Elin, and his sponsors for popping his poppycock into anything with a pulse.

Indeed, so inspired was Cole that he is currently recruiting a scriptwriter and a camera crew to film his own apology from the top of the London Eye to wife Cheryl Cole, who is reported to be seeking solace at Posh Spice's Hollywood home.

Cole is reported to be keener than ever to save his marriage since his wife started 'earning' more than he does thanks to her burgeoning career as a mime artist and hair extension model who can be a bit tasty with her fists should night club lavatory attendants start getting a bit above their station.

JT thought the public apology thing was quite a good idea, but hinted that a holiday in Dubai was also extremely effective in throwing the hounds off the scent.

Cole is reportedly studying video footage of Tiger woods in a bid to hone up his powers of persuasion and is taking acting lessons from former US President Bill Clinton.

Leading satirist and South American revolutionary icon Colonel Juan Caulderon, a Cheryl Cole expert, reckons there's no way on God's green earth that a public apology from Ashley would placate Cheryl,but urged the crocked footy star to go ahead anyway as it would make a good spoof.

In related news: A top satirical website has reported record numbers of new writers signing up, most of whom purport to be nubile sexually voracious young females, but aren't really.

Cheryl Cole is still 5'3"

More as we get it.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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