Minority Report-Czech's and Balance's or Bohunk Unbalanced, You Decide!
One lone Bohemian in Nebraska (wherever that is, sounds like he made it up) has filed suit against the U.S. government for lack of discrimination bias, claiming that 'bohunk' should be an officially recognized minority, thereby granting him a...
Read full storyA Day In The Life Of Hillary Clinton
Yes, today we can give readers an exclusive idea of what life is really like for Mrs. Hillary Rodham Clinton, American Presidential candidate. And so here is a summary of a typical day's schedule for her.
Read full storyMartian Probe Discovers Life, Then Kills It
Houston TX--NASA scientists were elated today when the Martian Phoenix Lander discovered the first extraterrestrial life. Elation turned to tears as moments later the Martian probe accidentally crushed the first specimen to death.
Read full storySharon Stone says: "Karma is your worst nightmare China! A hot crazy coked up Bitch that will rock your world, slash your tires and sleep with all your friends just for #%@& of it!"
Hollywood, California - Apparently suffering from the postoperative side effects of yet another Botox injection that migrated to the brain, tummy tuck aneurysm or silicone breast augmentation seepage to the blood stream, aging diva, Sharon Stone, sho...
Read full storyThe Bloody Wicker Man it is
CBeebies programme Balamory has been switched to Channel 4 and will now be aired at 10.00pm after complaints from concerned parents that it was disturbing.
Read full storyBassey Recovering From Operation
Singer Pantomime Dame Shirley Bassey is recovering after a throat operation, to make her be able to sing properly.
Read full storyAlways look on the bright side
Motivational guru, public speaker, firewalker and millionaire, Anthony Robbins has admitted that in private, he is 'a right miserable bastard who lounges about his mansion in his boxer shorts and an old t-shirt with pizza stains'.
Read full storyDe Ja Vu. Again
The BBC has been fined 1.4 million pounds after it emerged that they have been recycling the news since at least 1997.
Read full storyBrown acquires help of Jimmy Saville
Things look to be on the up for Gordon Brown and its all down to one man, Jimmy Saville. 10 Downing Street today released a statement confirming that Saville was to become the 'right hand man' of the Prime Minister.
Read full storyFormer Boxing Champion Becomes Violent
Former world boxing champion, Scott Harrison, was today charged with the ancient crime of 'being violent.'...
Read full storyPiers Morgan and Simon Cowell to Marry
THEY'VE been working together recently on a number of projects but it turns out that they have been getting to know each other after hours and even better.
Read full storyRoyal Approval
In a refreshing break from royal protocol, Prince William is going to appear in the forthcoming adverts for supermarket chain Morrison's following in the steps of Lulu, Gabby Logan and Alan Hansen.
Read full storyI ain't nothing but a fake
Gordon Brown has admitted that he has been involved in an elaborate hoax, devised by the producers of the hit Channel 4 programme, Faking It.
Read full storyCan you Fix me? Yes you can!
Children's favourite, Bob the Builder appeared on This Morning to tell stunned viewers that he was recovering from drug addiction. A pale and emotional Bob told presenter Philip Schofield that the last year has been hell.
Read full storyJohn Terry To Appear In Silent Movies
After his skillful penalty miss in the Champions' League final in Moscow, Chelsea captain John 'Ooh Betty' Terry is to appear in a series of silent films. Director Buster Keaton has come out of retirement to guide Mr. Terry in his new career, and...
Read full storyAlive & Kicking
The Queen Mother, who many believe passed away in April 2002, is in fact, alive and very much well. Contrary to popular belief, she did not 'cork it' but is in fact, residing in a secluded area of Pathos in Cyprus.
Read full storyRed Arrows to fly Nimrods
In a bid to refute Ministry of Defence claims that BAe Nimrod aircraft are not airworthy, the world famous Red Arrows are to display the aircraft to their full capabilities in order to restore public confidence in th...
Read full storyTeenager not stabbed in Harrogate - leaders dismayed
The scene outside the "Spinal Taps" public house in Harrogate was chaotic last night as revellers spilled onto the street to find that a teenager had not been stabbed.
Read full storyOverweight? ... You're Taxed!
Gordon Brown has stunned the nation by introducing an Obesity Tax.
Read full storyParis Hilton Under Nazis Was One Big Sex Romp
California - (Ass Mess): A new hagiography about the German occupation of Paris Hilton's pudenda says it encouraged women's lib at a time when the world was still reeling from her lesbian claims.
Read full storyEmma Watson To Host New Game Show
For some reason unknown to me, Harry Potter Actress Emma Watson has launched her own show 'Who Wants Some Of My Millions'. The show will be very much like 'Who Wants To Be a Millionaire' except of course it will be on the BBC and Emma...
Read full storyHomeless Man Spends His Last Dollar On a Miniature Universe
A homeless man, who has been living on the streets for the past 25 years, has used the only money he has to buy a miniature universe which he intends to mold in his 'own image'.
Read full storyDeath Insurance: Berkshire Hathaway Launches New Scheme
A Gas Station, America: Recent stats have positioned Berkshire Hathaway, wild company of mostly Warren Buffet's, as the 20th top firm in the world. Their product sector, 'nonlife insurance', has just taken a turn to the d...
Read full storyHillary Clinton's October Surprise - In May
Senator Hillary Clinton's October surprise might well turn out to be her very own May demise. Insisting she still had a chance at the nomination, though the numbers favored Barack Obama, she said, "Because you never know." The vague, Be...
Read full storyDaniel Radcliffe To Star In Big Brother 2008
It is that time of year again, big brother time. Two dozen wannabes enter house, fool around, sometimes with each other, shout and scream and then eventually get voted off. Whilst we naively watch on the edge of our seats and the newspapers dig up ev...
Read full storyQueen hosts lingerie party at Windsor castle
In an effort to shed the image of stuffy aristocracy the Queen has hosted a lingerie and sex toy party in the royal apartments at Windsor castle.
Read full storyIndiana Jones Sets Records, Ford Continues To Age
(LaLa Land, CA) - After whipping up over 150 million dollars in North American box office receipts over the Memorial Day Holiday session, Indiana Jones and The Menace of The Crystal Arks of Doom, Part IV: Attack of the Commie Clones...
Read full storyCastaway Co-Star "Wilson" Found Dead
The volleyball actor who shot to fame in 2000 as the "Wilson" character in the blockbuster movie "Castaway" with Tom Hanks, was found dead, floating in the backyard pool of his once immaculate Beverly Hills home this past Friday.
Read full storySecond Controversial Jolie Video Surfaces
Hot on the heels of a video of a young Angelina Jolie partying, a more recent secret video of the actress has surfaced.
Read full storyJD Salinger's new aftershave launched
Famed recluse, and author of the epoch changing tome, The Catcher in the Rye, JD Salinger has launched his new aftershave.
Read full storyJeffrey Archer - My Life as Cherie Blair
Famed perjuror Jeffrey Archer has put the cat amongst the Pigeons, by claiming that he was Cherie Blair throughout the times when we all believed him to be in prison.
Read full storyZimbabwean navy orders 2 nuclear submarines
Major Ize Waters, self-appointed admiral of Zimbabwe's navy, and brother-in-law to Robert "Mad Robbie and even Madder Bob" Mugabe (through his 17th wife), has ordered 2 Vlavidar-class nuclear submarines from Russia at a cost of just und...
Read full storyFrozen french fry founder dead
"Mr. Spud," J.R. Simplot, age 99, died on May 25, 2008, at his home in Boise, Idaho, USA. Mr. Simplot is credited with developing & wholesaling the frozen potatoes used by fast food restaurants throughout the world to produce thin, ready-t...
Read full storyAmericans To Celebrate Independence Day With Third-Degree Burns, Drunk Driving
OMAHA - Americans are gearing up for the upcoming celebration of Independence Day with plans to barbeque, let off fireworks, inflict third-degree burns on themselves and others, and drive drunk.
Read full storyInsensitive Jerk Tells Female Co-Worker: "Gee, that's a nice blouse, Charlene." - Charged With Sexual Harassment
SEATTLE - An extremely insensitive jerk was arrested today after he blatantly informed a female co-worker that he thought she had a nice blouse.
Read full storyTexas scraps foster care in favor of exchange program
In a surprise move Friday, the Texas Court of Appeals ruled that the more than 400 children seized from a polygamist compound will have the option of a state-sponsored exchange program in addition to foster care.
Read full storyPop music fan sues Department for Public Works for 'Mud on Road' sign
An irate pop music fan from Loughton, Lance Lyde, is suing the Department for Public Works over a sign outside the pub he frequents.
Read full storyManchester United plan world celebration
Newly crowned European Champions, Manchester United, have revealed plans for a summer world tour to celebrate winning their emphatic 6-5 penalty shoot-out win over plucky Chelsea.
Read full storyOutrage at introduction of SpellCheck on YouTube
Video website YouTube has come under criticism from an army of its loyal visitors, after introducing a Spell Check mechanism for its comments system. "This is deffo bad. U cant rite anyfin rong now. Is well whack.' wrote user KingHomey13 on...
Read full storyDavid Cameron launches conservative 'Work camp' policy
Conservative leader David Cameron set out his policy for forcing the poor back into 'community based' jobs today...
Read full storyRobert Mugabe to be honoured by The Queen
Robert Mugabe, the dictatorial supremist who is currently running Zimbabwe…into the ground that is…is set to receive a special honour from The Queen.
Read full storyNation's Leaders Respond to Terrorist Threats Against NYC Infrastructure
President George W Bush: I am appointing Ms. Geraldine Ferraro as my personal representative to assist Mayor Bloomberg of New York City (NYC).
Read full storyConservative Politican married to a woman who is not a moose, shock
Recent shocking pictures have been revealed that show that the attractiveness of men goes up when they are in positions of authority.
Read full storyGiant amethyst crystal skull is buried on Mars says Uri Geller
Tel Aviv - (Mindblowing Mess): NASA's Mars Phoenix mission is being guided mentally by psychic (sic) Uri Geller who says the remote-control archaeological excavator is searching for the fabled Martian amethyst master skull.
Read full storyMore BBC Fakery
Following the news that the BBC's survivalist Ray Mears may not be all that he appears, so-called experts on the Antiques Roadshow have also now blown the whistle.
Read full storyYou'll just love our erections
Bob Dylan famously sang 'Times they are a-changin' and he was correct.
Read full storyJust Wrong
A man from Finchley has been warned by the RSPCA after naming his cat David. Neighbours complained to authorities as they felt it 'a bit creepy and not the sort of name one would give a domestic pet'.
Read full storyArchbishop to join 'Red Devils'
In what might be seen by some as a blatant act of heresy, the Archbishop of York John Sentamu is going to do one of the most daring stunts a senior member of the Church of England's has yet performed. He is going to join...
Read full storyMadonna Not In The News Today
In a surprise move, newspapers and television shows didn't mention Madonna today. After becoming famous for her only hit, 'Holiday', in the 1980s, Miss Ciccone has appeared daily in magazines and news programmes for no reason except for being ali...
Read full storyHauliers Using More Fuel In Fuel Protest
Hundreds of intelligent lorry drivers are burning up diesel, as they head towards central London, to make it even more polluted than it usually is. And more hauliers are driving round in circles in Wales, as they got lost trying to find the M4.
Read full storyPointless French Strike Continues
In a continuation of pointlessness, French fisherman were still on strike for no reason today.
Read full storyExcessive Crotch-Grabbing To Be Penalized in Baseball
Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig announced yesterday that crotch-grabbing in the batter's box will be severely curtailed the rest of this baseball season.
Read full storyWarning: The Darkness is coming
Global warming is being blamed for a new freak occurrence that was noticed first in western Europe and now seems to be spreading across the globe.
Read full storyEggs To Get A Makeover, No Yolk-ing!
Young enterprising schoolkids from all over Scotland have been invited by the Poultry and Egg Society to help give Eggs a new image.
Read full storyMaking your Mind up
Hoxton and Shoreditch have been officially named the 'bastard love children' of Islington after both areas of London had still yet to decide on their official status. Both it would seem, are undecided as to if they wish to be portrayed as boh...
Read full storyHome Secretary pledges action to tackle gang menace
Books and TV shows which portray gang activity in a positive light are set to be banned from schools in England and Wales.
Read full storyPolice smash soccer stars' 'dead mum' ring
Police have uncovered a sick operation which is helping greedy football stars to cash in on bereavement.
Read full storyShock as MP declares genuine expense
In a revelation which has rocked the world of politics, it has been revealed today that a member of the British parliament has claimed a genuine expense.
Read full storyKing Arthur's round table was in fact square
The unearthing of some documents dating back to last year have conclusively revealed that King Arthur's table used for knight meetings, admittedly not necessarily at night, was in fact square and not round as previously thought.
Read full storyRoyal Mail's Chief's £2million bonus 'Lost in post'
It was revealed last night that Adam Dozier, Chief Executive of the Royal Mail, won't be getting his £2million bonus after all.
Read full storyNew porn videos being shown at Petrol Pumps
A new initiative at many of Britain's Petrol pumps has been introduced whereby motorists will be able to watch hard core porn videos while filling up their tanks.
Read full storyFlexisick aims to give the unemployable a better time at work
The Government has announced new employment measures for civil servants to further enrich the working experience and shut the unions up.
Read full storyLawrence Llewellyn Bowen condemned as being hazardous to health
Television broadcaster, wearer of ill-fitting shirts and extreme mullet-head, Lawrence Llewellyn Bowen, has been declared a hazard to public health by the government's Health and Safety Executive.
Read full storyJohn McCain Fit to Serve as President Despite 'a Few' Health Problems
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) -- In an effort to prove that John McCain is healthy enough to be President of the United States, the Mayo Clinic of Scottsdale has released the Arizona senator's medical records as well as his brain scans and biopsies.
Read full storyShergar Found After Royal Mail Issues Horse Stamps
The Royal Mail has today withdrawn 14,000 first day cover issues of horse related celebratory stamp sets featuring missing thoroughbred Shergar after Shergar's DNA was found to be contained in the adhesiv...
Read full storyLondon 2012 Para Olympics Will Go Ahead Despite Survey
Shocked London officials revealed today that the Para Olympics will still go ahead in London in 2012 following a survey which revealed that most people actually watch it for the "laugh" value.
Read full storyBristol City Fans To Abandon Singing Cider Songs
Fans of Bristol City, the Championship playoff losers, have vowed to stop singing stupid cider songs as a way of inspiring their team, and of drowning their sorrows after huge defeats.
Read full storyNew James Bond book launched
Sebastian Faulks was tasked with coming up with writing the first new Bond book in 40 years. Faulks was chosen to write the book by surviving members of Ian Flemings family, and yet some are questioning his motives amid claims he is 'cashing-in&#...
Read full storyBasil, Rosemary and Thyme To Be Banned As Class B Illegal Drugs - Along With Many Other Natural Herbs.
Legal prescription drugs and alcohol account for hundreds of thousands of deaths in the US and UK each year, but marijuana has accounted for none.
Read full storyZimbabwe Reserve Bank issues larger notes
Harare - The Reserve Bank of Zimbabwe today announced the issue of a larger notes.
Read full storyThe 7 Things Miley Cyrus hates about her ex Nick Jonas
Not long ago, Hannah Montana star Miley Cyrus debuted her new song '7 Things' to be featured on her upcoming album 'Breakout'.
Read full storyPrince Philip in trouble as he admires bush at Chelsea Flower Show
Prince Philip is at the centre of another controversy, this time during a tour of the Chelsea Flower Show.
Read full storyMcCain, Obama and Hillary Tour Iraq
When Johnny McBush-McCain found out that the Democandies had not been to Iraq as often as his congressional (Halliburton) junkets have sent him (he gets his mail there), they decided to make it a threesome...
Read full storyIraqi General Denounces British Effort in Basra
With appeasement politics in the news of late, many have found Iraqi general Eden Jabers' remarks about the British forces on Basra timely and a bit ironic.
Read full storyUSA Expelled from Death Penalty for Juvenile Offenders League
Thanks to a Supreme Court opinion, deplored recently by Republican Hopeless, John McCain, the USA has been drummed out of the Death Penalty for Juvenile Offenders League.
Read full storyTexas Decides that Child Brides and Incest is as Texan as the Alamo
Texas Child Protective Services has been chastened by a State magistrate for its swift efforts to protect hubnderds of children from an Eldorado cult known for its forced under age marriages and intra familial sexual intercourse.
Read full storyClintons Console Teddy: At least you weren't assassinated like you know who too!
Sources close to the Newly tumored Massachusetts Senator Kennedy say that a get well card arrived at the Hyannis port mansion from Bill and Hillary. The card was apparently one of those gag gifts meant to cheer up a person dying from brain cancer.
Read full storyBeing Oppressed in a Sweatshop Declared a Federal Offense!
The US of A is the country with the most prisoners and the most undocumented immigrants. It has now become the country with the most undocumented immigrant prisoners. US Immigration and Naturalization has declared working in a sweatshop a federal cri...
Read full storyRed Sox Continue Imitating Yankees!
They say imitation is the highest form of flattery. If so the Boston Red Sox are the most shameless flatterers in Majoer League baseball.
Read full storyClinton Expands Criteria For Staying In The Race
(Little Rock, Ark.) While participating in a revolutionary new form of grass roots fundraising designed by her financially strapped campaign to reach out to previously untapped donors, Senator Hillary Clinton today announced further criteria that she...
Read full storyMcCain Campaign Fires Everybody and Refuses All Endorsements!
McCain has decided to return to his maverick politics and reject the many compromises he had been persuaded to accept in order to get elected.
Read full storyBush Pays Tribute to Pat Tillman on Memorial Day
ARLINGTON (FMLiveWire) -- President Bush paid tribute on Memorial Day Monday to Pat Tillman and America's fighting men and women buried here "who died in my wars based on lies for Israel and Big Oil and to make rich Republicans even richer,&...
Read full storyMcCain's doctors declare him fit, No sign of cold.
1173 pages of presidential candidate John McCain's medical history were released to a group of press reporters on Friday. Apparently there was no indication that the 71 year old was suffering from cold.
Read full storyNasa Probe Searches for Life in Clinton Campaign
Nasa's "Vulture" lander is set to touch down this morning on the surface of the Clinton for President campaign, in what scientists are describing as the most risky journey since the "Gere" probe landed on Shilpa Shetty last ye...
Read full storyAmerican Illiteracy Highest in Five Decade Report Find
WASHINGTon, DC - According to an alarming report issued by the U.s. Department of Education Wenesday, allmost 25 percent of all Americans adults is illiterate, a five dekade high,...
Read full storyNCAA Report on Acceptability of Mid-American Conference Nicknames
Part 6 of a 12 part series...
Read full storyChicago Bears starting quarterback has new trick
Rex Grossman, the starting quaterback for the Chicago Bears has recently surprised the sporting world with his new ability to "shapeshift" into a cute rodent. His new ability has not been willingly accepted by everyone though, and an appea...
Read full storyBill Gates talks to tree, with new computer
Bill Gates has unveiled a new computer that will actually allow scientist to talk to trees.
Read full story