In an effort to shed the image of stuffy aristocracy the Queen has hosted a lingerie and sex toy party in the royal apartments at Windsor castle.
Her grand-daughters are believed to have organized the all female event which, according to screams of laughter heard through the solid oak doors, went with a bang.
Meanwhile the royal males, who had given the video security team the night off, had a grandstand view of the proceedings. At one point Camilla, dressed only in a diamonte thong and nipple tassels, waving a riding crop in one hand and a vibrating dildo in the other, chased the queen around a four-poster bed shouting 'come on Lizzie, be a sport'.
In an adjoining room Cherie Blair, in full Goth makeup and wearing crotchless fishnet tights with a black lace up basque, had somehow managed to impale herself on one of the carved acorn knobs of a single bed. Much as she seemed to be enjoying the experience she couldn't stay there indefinitely, and was eventually prised off by two partygoers who had to rotate her anti-clockwise until the suction was released with a loud pop like a champagne cork. As she was escorted rather unsteadily back to the main event she remarked it was the first time she had ever been un-screwed!
Word has it that Prince Philip and the boys have unselfishly insisted this become a regular event.
