Written by matwil

Tuesday, 27 May 2008

Yes, today we can give readers an exclusive idea of what life is really like for Mrs. Hillary Rodham Clinton, American Presidential candidate. And so here is a summary of a typical day's schedule for her.

07:00 - wake up alone.
07:01 - drink 8 espresso coffees.
07:15 - put make-up on.
09:15 - practice pulling faces in the bathroom mirror.
09:45 - check Swiss bank account investments online.
10:00 - throw darts at photo of Barack Obama, pinned to the dartboard.
10:15 - change pic to one of husband.
10:20 - replace that with one of Monica Lewinsky.
10:30 - fantasise about Monica.
10:45 - take deep breath and leave house, avoiding any colored folks, as this is the South.
10:50 - nearly take public transport like most Democrat voters, but realise this is mad, and get into hired Limousine.
11:00 - make uninteresting speech on TV, with no policies or practical ideas, but full of smiles and waving, like a children's party organiser.
12:00 - have another 8 espressos.
12:02 - sack speech writer, again.
12:04 - daydream of being a beautiful babe, like Condi is.
12:20 - dream of getting a divorce.
12:30 - remember a Senator should be in the Senate.
12:32 - wonder who John McCain is, and why he looks like Frank Sinatra.
13:00 - fall asleep.
14:00 - wake up, and make lots of shrieking noises to the background of Wagner.
15:00 - twiddle the thumbs.
16:00 - put on a treble at Arlington, at combined odds of 331-1, which loses.
18:00 - get phone call from Bill. 'How's it goin', honey? Divorce papers are all ready.' 'Get lost', Hillary answers, 'but thanks for your name.'
18:05 - sit and watch soap operas.
20:00 - realise a Presidential candidate should know something about the news, so switch over to The Simpsons.
21:00 - have a large Bacardi and Pepsi.
22:00 - take the bottle to bed.
23:00 - start snoring.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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