Major Ize Waters, self-appointed admiral of Zimbabwe's navy, and brother-in-law to Robert "Mad Robbie and even Madder Bob" Mugabe (through his 17th wife), has ordered 2 Vlavidar-class nuclear submarines from Russia at a cost of just under 4 billion dollars (3 billion, 970 million dollars + Nectar points to be precise).
Member of the opposition and spokesman for home affairs, Sensi Belperson, asked, prior to having his eyes gouged out and his legs cut off by Zanu-PF war veterans, why Zimbabwe needed to have a navy when it was in essence a land-locked country.
In answering the now dead politician, Mr Mugabe said:
"It is vital at this time for our country to have all modern equipment at its disposal with which to defend its borders. It is only a rumour being spread by a decidedly anti-Zimbabwean western press that we have no shoreline. When I was in Cape Town recently, I saw the ocean. What more do people want?
"No foreign journalists are allowed in to Zimbabwe by me for security reasons - well so I can feel secure knowing they don't know what I am up to - so how can they know?.
"It makes no difference.
"We need to be able to defend our shores in the event of their being a really high tide or something. You know, it's better for our people to be safe and sorry rather than well-fed, thriving and sorry."
