The Queen Mother, who many believe passed away in April 2002, is in fact, alive and very much well. Contrary to popular belief, she did not 'cork it' but is in fact, residing in a secluded area of Pathos in Cyprus.
The Queen Mother, now 108 years, said 'It was a scam. I got a lovely funeral, a minutes silence and a wonderful book of condolence whilst thousands walked past my empty coffin after queuing through the night. Beat that Beadle!
'I spend my days playing sidoku, I'm addicted, sunbathing as it makes my teeth look less blue and watching Sky News but I never get a mention, unlike Diana. The bitch.
'My daughter comes to visit twice a year but my great grandchildren are very distant especially Harry, the rowdy little ginger bastard. Wills has had the raving cow with me because I said that he was better looking when he was younger and his bald spot was huge.
'Charles is all right, he comes over and brings a bottle of Gin and we talk about the good old days, that and Eastenders. Mind you, it does get rather hot over here, especially in the summer months. One likes it hot but this is often too hot even for one.'
