One lone Bohemian in Nebraska (wherever that is, sounds like he made it up) has filed suit against the U.S. government for lack of discrimination bias, claiming that 'bohunk' should be an officially recognized minority, thereby granting him automatic admission into Harvard, Yale, Columbia, and Brown under affirmative action statutes.
Attorneys for this man stated, "He just wants a fair shake. No, his family didn't enter the country illegally, but it shouldn't matter. He should have the same opportunity as an undocumented citizen has."
U.S government attorneys for 'the man' said, "Who are you and how did you get in the building?"
The suit also seeks to have "every automated phone system in the country" offer the third option of "if you'd like to continue in Czech, press 3 ... "
Rumors that talks broke down over the issue of a Czech History Month could not be verified.
Experts say this could cost companies millions of dollars, translating everything from billboards, road signs, and assembly instructions. They went on to warn that we could see a dramatic rise in radio stations with 'Polka anna Waltzes' music formats.
Famed Czech composer Antonin Dvorak could not be reached for comment; authorities later discovering that he has been dead for more than a century.
In related news - dumpling futures rose 3% today in heavy trading.
