There were 139 spoof news stories published in May 2017. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Official Retirement Age Upped to 95 in the US
It happened shortly after Prince Philip announced his impending retirement. Members of the U.S. Congress, eager to extend their own gravy train and justify that extension as totally normal, were eager to vote this into law. "I'm all for it," said...
Read full storyBodybuilder Squeezes Coal Between Butt Cheeks to Create Diamonds
Forget buns of steel, champion bodybuilder Debi Lou Byrd has set a world precedent for any athlete: her buns can literally squeeze coal into diamonds. Debi's Diamonds are very small and not up to gem quality and so the diamond industry has barely...
Read full storyMan in love with desperate Mexican transgender
A Syrian man named Abu is believed to be the fattest man alive and he is in love with a Mexican transgender according to celebrity gossip. His weight reached an incredible 500 kilograms and he smells like an old sardine can. Iman Ahmad Abdulati,...
Read full storyTrump's Albino Raccoon Hairpiece Was Source Of Leaked Secrets
BILLINGSGATE POST: The sun rose earlier than expected at the White House. Even the prickly pears were more prickly. The frantic search for the source of leaks emanating from the White House had put everyone on edge. Long-time Secret Service agent S...
Read full storyTrump and Macron Announce Wife Swap
Paris, France - French President Emmanuel Macron and US President Donald Trump have announced a wife swap. Both spouses are considered more age appropriate for the other president. President Trump and Macron's wife Brigitte are senior citizens. Pre...
Read full storyIndian restaurant in London closed down after serving fake human meat!
It seems a London, Indian restaurant has been caught up in the latest craze hitting the global media world like a tsunami, it's called FAKE NEWS (something we never write here on The Spoof). The restaurant, for a bit of fun, put the following deli...
Read full storyVal Kilmer Gets In Shape For Top Gun 2
Executive producer and star of Top Gun 2, Tom Cruise, says there may be a part for Val Kilmer in the follow up the the 1986 classic. "I'm sure we can find a cameo for Val, we would have written him in as something, but no one even realized he was...
Read full storyRingo Confesses that Paul McCartney Really Died in 1965
New evidence shows that what for over fifty years was believed to be a mere hoax is in fact a stranger than fiction reality. Paul McCartney actually did die in 1965, and was replaced by look-alike and sound-alike William Campbell. This new evidence...
Read full storyFBI: Chris Christie Established Back Channel to KFC Early in Trump Campaign
A bombshell report by the New York Times details an FBI investigation into Chris Christie's contacts with KFC as early as March 2016 when he advised then presidential candidate Donald Trump. First son in-law Jared Kushner is also a target in the...
Read full storyMath Teacher Unaware that Puns Aren't Cool Anymore
Michael Langley, a math teacher at Harrisburg High School, was reportedly unaware that puns aren't cool anymore. Chris Jarvis, a 11th grade student who has been in Langley's class for three straight years, remarks: "Mr. Langley keeps repeating th...
Read full storyParis Jackson says her dad's nose was beautiful in the nude!
Whacko's daughter, Paris, seemingly to be much more sensible than her namesake, claims that nudity is beautiful and the only part of her dad's body ever seen nude in public, his nose, was beautiful too! Paris, who does not reside in the Hilton, b...
Read full story"UK Bitches on tour" T-shirts not suitable for flying!
If you are planning a hen party on a Spanish Island and wearing a "Bitch on Tour" T-shirt, forget it! A group of young ladies was ejected from the plane because their T-shirts were found not appropriate by the airline! A non-gay tour operator offe...
Read full storyFrance bans skinny models and replaces them with fatties!
France has decided enough is enough! No, not food, but skin and bones rattling down catwalks instead of 'normal people'! So skinny models in France will no longer be seen (or not seen because they are so thin when they turn sideways they become invis...
Read full storyJack Reach Around is Third Movie in Reacher Series
Jack Reacher returns to the screen in the third movie adaptation of a Lee Child novel. Leading man, Tom Cruise, takes us on a scary ride in this much darker and grittier follow up to the popular series. !Spoiler Alert! This time, in Jack Reach...
Read full storyMaxine Waters Claims Vladimir Putin Bit Her Neck With Her Own False Teeth
BILLINGSGATE POST: First she claimed that Vladimir Putin used her own false teeth to bite her on the neck in a tony Moscow Karaoke bar. Seems he didn't like her rendition of "Georgia on My Mind." Then she said that he grabbed her James Brown wig be...
Read full storyNew Study Determines Teenagers Are Not Getting Enough Sleep In Math Class
A new research study published by the University of Eastleigh proved that teenagers aren't getting enough sleep in their math classes. Dr. Berns, the leading researcher on the project, explained: "Many teenagers struggle from a lack of sleep. Aft...
Read full storyNancy Pelosi Accuses Republicans Of Taxing Stay-At-Home Mom's Imputed Income
BILLINGSGATE POST: House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi told Joe Scarborough and his nodding accomplice, Mika, that the Republicans will attempt to balance the budget by taxing the imputed income of mothers who stay at home to care for their children.
Read full storyChastiTunes Serves Up Music You Hate
Turning the business model on its head, a new streaming service purposely serves up the most hated songs and videos. So who would use such a service and for what purposes? As it turns out, ChastiTunes users are much more than musical masochist...
Read full storyDyson sucks hot air out of Europe!
Sir James Dyson and his vacuum cleaners have been at war with their European competitors over suction! He claims his cleaners suck better than German ones, and that even before Brexit! Sir James is out to prove to the rest of Europe that Brit suck...
Read full storyPorn Star sex and sexy shows all
In an exclusive interview with Jimmy Astro, Jane Doe, famed gossiper and celebrity basher, shows all by complaining on national television about peoples money problems. Astro asked her if marriage is part of her agenda any time soon. Her reply w...
Read full storyTrump Administration Releases Money Saving Tips For New Trump Health Plan
Washington, DC Surgeon General Dr. Niles Crane has released a list of things Americans can do to reduce their health care costs under the new Trump health plan. 1. Stop going to the doctor so much Everybody should buy some bandages and other me...
Read full storyMan Convinced Traffic Lights Are Rigged
Determined to explain why he showed up late to work again, Larry Michaels, a department manager at Sears, convinced himself last Tuesday that traffic lights are rigged against him. "I feel like the traffic lights are conspiring to slow me down. I...
Read full storySecret Basement Dungeon Found in Trump Tower
New York, NY A rental manager showing new tenants around the Trump Tower, took a wrong turn and ended up seeing a medieval type dungeon in the basement. "I was just showing the tenants around and was looking to show them the exercise room. We made...
Read full storyTrump Consents to Host "Who is the Stupidest Person Ever?" TV Show
Hollywood is very excited about a brand new program Fox is developing. It's about really stupid people and Fox is sure it will appeal to a great number of the American people. "It's very obvious America is into stupid people. From the most recent...
Read full storyPresident Trump Replaces Supreme Court With American Idol Judges
Sparking yet another constitutional crisis, President Trump has fired the Supreme Court and assembled a panel of current and former American Idol judges to rubber stamp his Cinco de Mayo ban and other controversial policies. Simon Cowell, Paris Hi...
Read full storyTeenager Decides He Will Stop Procrastinating...Later
Marcus Travins, a 10th grade student at Wilmot High School in North Carolina, reportedly promised that he would stop procrastinating later this year. He explains "I have a problem with pushing important assignments aside and eventually doing them...
Read full storyTrump Pardons Himself
Washington, DC - President Donald Trump recently began to utter the words "Pardon me" with regularity. Although the President blames his chef's spicy food and a busy travel schedule for his continuous desire to be pardoned, sources say he is worri...
Read full storyAfter local man reads foreign food label with kilocalorie counts instead of calorie counts, extreme diet leads to death
Washington, D.C. - Excess calorie intake is the primary contributor to the obesity epidemic plaguing most developed nations, but eating a minimum level of calories is key to life and longevity. We all know that we should eat about 2,000 calories per…
Read full storyIlluminati Denies Any Connection to the Trump Clan
Head of the Illuminati, David Rockefeller, denied that the Illuminati would ever have anything to do with Trump, his Cabinet, or his family. "The Illuminati, if it did exist, would never stoop to the level of supporting wannabe tinhorn dictators.
Read full storyMeals on Wheels is Feeding People
Savanna, Georgia - As previously reported in the Main Stream Your a Nation here the Meals on Wheels program is short on money to buy food. As Betty Doogooder reported many of the hungry relying on the food delivery service are poor, sick, blind...
Read full storyWilliam Shakespeare questions patriotism
William Shakespeare famed writer and former father of poor Yorick said in an interview with Sally Piggs that his dismissal from his former life has put into question the true definition of patriotism. Alas, poor Shakespeare! We knew him, Horatio:...
Read full story"Breatharian" Sues Nearby KFC For Weight Gain
A London area man who claims he has not eaten in ten years sued a local KFC for his weight gain and lost in court. Sid Putnam, a self proclaimed Breatharian, claims he gets all of his nutrients from the air he breathes and that just the smell of...
Read full storyFeathered, flying dinosaur is genetically related to Theresa May!
Chinese scientists researching a dinosaur egg have made an amazing discovery! Its DNA is the same as Theresa May's! The egg seems to be that of a feathered, flying dinosaur, that hovered, attacked and ruled over the planet millions of years ago. B...
Read full storyMale feminist couldn't take the heat
Andy Kolpakov, a member of the male feminist septic community is accused of being male and dangerous, for looking the wrong way. There were calls to the police of a peeping Tom on the same block Kolpakov lived on. As he made his way back from a f...
Read full storyPot Cloud that Formed Over Bethel, NY During the 1969 Woodstock Festival Making It's Way Back to the Hudson Valley
Meteorologists are predicting a late July, early August return of a unique pot cloud that formed during the three day Woodstock festival in Bethel, NY. The cloud was carried off by the jet stream after the concert concluded and eventually ended up in...
Read full storyAthisis goddess statue removed in Bangore after Jaboody outcry
Space news- The statue of a female Athisis goddess was removed from the Bangore Supreme Court complex, after an outcry from the religious Jaboody. The sculpture of Arena - the goddess of sex - wearing a toga was donated, but the Jaboody religious...
Read full storyCarrot Top Declines FBI Director Job
The ideal candidate to lead the FBI has turned down the job, citing his gig in Las Vegas and the implosion of the Trump presidency as the reasons. But Washington insiders tell this reporter that Carrot Top, AKA Scott Thompson, felt slighted by Republ...
Read full storyFrail grandma eaten by cats
Neighbors said it was just a matter of time before Mabel became a victim of a violent attack. Raised in a rural town near Tonsillmania, locking the the doors and windows at night was not a priority. But perhaps it is now. Grandaughter Matt...
Read full storyMan divorces his sex doll because it chatters too much!
A US sex toy developer who designed the first talking sex robot has had to take back a prototype because during sex with a client, it chattered non-stop! A Californian male (they're all sex mad and nutters) purchased the prototype after divorcing...
Read full storySadistic Bastards Airlines Takes to the Skies
Following a spate of in-cabin bust ups and air-rage fuelled punch-ups, one airline is standing up for what they truly believe in, in the world of customer-focused airline aggression. "We can't change," said CEO Nonoze, "so we may as well embrace t...
Read full storyDiscovery: Delivered to Wrong Address... Purloined
TiVo 2 Circle Star Way San Carlos, CA 94070 May 11th 2017 El Presidente Donaldo Juan Trump La Casa Blanca 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington D.C. 20050 Dear SEŇOR SUPREME Presidente Trump, This is to confirm our oral contract of May 9th, 2017, where our corporation agrees to pay $25,000.00 to th...
Read full storyOnce-popular Girls' Names Now Bomb with Newborns' Parents
Somewhere Over the Rainbow, USA -- After Olympics swimmer Bruce ("The Deuce") Jenner, Breakfast of Champions, announced his new identity as a "woman" named Caitlyn, the name has become more unpopular with parents of newborns than any other girls' nam...
Read full storyNew Drug Treats Air Rage
The new anti-anxiety drug Probenávia has landed in pharmacies just in time for air travelers: airlines and their passengers are all on edge these days as air rage incidents have increased five fold this year. In the search for an answer to the vio...
Read full storyAfter Trumpcare, Donald Trump Is Leader of the Expensive World
For the first 100 days of his presidency, Donald Trump was undisputedly the leader of the free world. After passing Trumpcare, the new Republican health care bill that will reportedly cut several federal subsidies for healthcare, many Americans agree...
Read full story"Impeachment Boat" is DizzyLand's Popular New Ride
Dystopian theme park DizzyLand has added a President Trump inspired Impeachment Boat to their diverse lineup of fun and satirical rides. Now it's the most popular ride at DizzyLand and the top search term in the San Diego area. As this reporter en...
Read full storyPakistan is infected with demons
A Pakistani farmer has claimed to have seen the legendary sperm-sucking incubus after it was terrorising his neighbors. The creature was reportedly hunted down by the man, known only as, Mohsin Akhtar Kayani, with a pitchfork when it stalked into...
Read full storyComey Firing Recommendation A Forgery!
Forensic Scientist Discovers Acting US Attorney General's Recommendations for Comey's Firing Was Actually Written by Dr. Harold Bornstein Late Thursday evening, Sandia Lab scientist, Dr. Irwin Corey announced the results of his analysis of Acting...
Read full storyMotorway drivers - which are you?
After twenty-five years of extensive research (commuting along the M60), the results of traffic analysis are finally ready to be revealed on the eleven types of drivers on motorways to watch out for... The "It's Called the FAST Lane" driver One of the more obvious types of drivers, usually in a German-made car, these drivers will immediately, upon entering a motorway, get into the outside lane...
Read full storyLesbian festival hits London
Lesbians in London Festival will run from 24 June to 9 July, with the official opening at Tate Britain which celebrates their new exhibition Lesbian & Hope. They will be hosting various events across London like the dunking for squids tourname...
Read full storyNow illegal to feed minimum-wage workers in San Francisco
San Francisco, California - Following the arrest of a score of tourists in San Francisco this past week, the city police department has issued a public service announcement reminding the public that it is illegal to feed minimum-wage workers on the...
Read full storyJay Cutler vows to work just as hard in the press booth as he did on the field
Immediately after it was announced that Jay Cutler would be joining the Fox Sports broadcasting team, Cutler was seen taking a puff off his cigarette and giving a smug grin. When asked if he planned to put all of his efforts into his new career, C...
Read full storyRussian Agent Posing as Sign Language Translator Hypnotized Americans to Vote for Trump
Washington - In a shocking development pertaining to the ongoing FBI and Congressional investigation into Russian tampering in the U.S. Presidential election, a sign language translator used by the Trump Campaign in several nationally televised campa...
Read full storyTrump announces Kid Rock is new FBI Director
With the firing of FBI director, James Comey, Trump had to act quickly in replacing him in this key government position. In a letter to Comey, Trump said the firing was necessary to restore "public trust and confidence" in the FBI. When asked w...
Read full storyFBI Raid Trump Tower to Find Ten Illegal Aliens Shredding Documents
New York, NY Hoping to take advantage while the Trump family vacationed on the nation's dime, the FBI raided Trump Tower to find the only member of the Trump family not on vacation, Barron Trump, using a cattle prod to force illegal immigrants to use...
Read full storyUFO Scandal: Trump Had Putin Assassinated?!
So now, we finally know what was all the mystery behind Jared Kushner's Russia connection. It turns out that he was trying to get in contact with his Russian mercenaries at the Kremlin. He'd lost touch with them, you see? Something went technically w...
Read full storyTrump's Tax Returns Found in Uber Car--Investments Revealed
A sheepish White House finally revealed why President Trump has refused to release his tax returns. Apparently his tax returns were forgotten by his accountant in the trunk of an Uber vehicle in 2015. The White House has confirmed that the Presiden...
Read full storyPerry Mason Completes Sex Change Surgery
The wish Perry Mason has been asking for all his life has arrived! HotDog.com has exclusively discovered that the former cabaret dancer and singer recently underwent full gender reassignment surgery, and is now legally considered a woman. He c...
Read full storyHighly evolved Germans analyze Mexicans
The German Council of the MIE, Most Intelligent Elite, an organization of gifted Germans is discussing statistical data concerning illegal Mexicans. The data shows Mexican DNA traits to be prone to violence and to retarding the human gene pool in...
Read full storyHillary's famous Everest step kicked off by a Yeti!
Edmund Hillary's infamous famous last step on Everest seems to have disappeared into thin air rather like Neil Armstrong's "first step" on the moon was blasted into space fantasy and never seen again. However, the cause of Hilary's step disappearance...
Read full storyElvis Comes Back As Andy Kaufman Impersonator
Las Vegas - Elvis sightings in Las Vegas are nothing new, in fact they are a nightly occurrence. So it is not surprising that a new act with someone who looks just like Elvis would show up and imitate Andy Kaufman. "Its an amazing act," said Elean...
Read full storyTrump's right thumb disease may lead to its removal
The White House has disclosed Mr. Trump has a problem with his right thumb, which may require extirpation and replacement. A specialist in thumb and middle finger replacement, Dr. Richard Milhous Severing, has laid out the problem as "peculiar for...
Read full storyStudents at Conservative School in Trouble for Showing Too Much Ankle at Prom
Three students from Christian Preparatory High School were caught by faculty for scandalously flashing too much ankle at their senior prom. Steve Brock, the principal of Christian Preparatory High explains the school's strict dress code: "Our sch...
Read full storyForeign physicians being recruited as spies and assassins
Thousands of foreign-trained immigrant physicians living in the United States are being recruited by foreign intelligence agencies to commit assassinations on US intelligence agents and top US scientists. "It's hard to believe, but logistically it...
Read full storyMoving Vans Pulling Up In Back Of White House
It wasn't the sound of mid-night footsteps coming down the hall that made Trump itchy for action, oh no, it was the three moving vans that suddenly appeared in the moonlight that caught his eye. The secret service insisted that there were no movin...
Read full storyLesbian incorporates dance move during prison performance
Be Be See News: A leading choreographer has accused Lizzy the lesbian of "borrowing" a dance move, after the Butch Dike dancer launched a charity performamce in the Banger Prison, in Liverpool. The dance resembles a rodeo horse ride. According...
Read full storyHighly evolved Germans analyze human sex
Royal Society- "Human reproductive behavior is a biological process not an ideological one," says the German Council of the MIE, Most Intelligent Elite, an organization of gifted Germans. The MIE are a logical group, deciding their actions on com...
Read full storyCheese-rolling new Olympic sport!
Brits are renowned for their eccentric pastimes, and now one particular event has caught the minds of Olympians, Cheese Rolling! Normally, practiced on a small hill somewhere in Gloucester, and enjoyed by thousands of Nutters watching the spectacl...
Read full storyMaine coming to Broadway
Broadway, get ready for some magic. Maine is coming to town. The Maine theatrical creators of the hit play 'The Bully and the Cursed Child' are in exclusive talks with the Bollywood Theatre Group to bring the show to The Link Theater in New York.
Read full storyRomanian gang teaches mice to steal
Romania- In an unusual case, a mouse was seen carrying a €100 euro note in its mouth which drew the attention of a homeless man in Bucharest, Romania. Mice running away with fruits or snack items from stalls is a common sight, but stealing money...
Read full storyTrump Rescinds Emancipation Proclamation: Are Civil Rights Amendments Next?
Not content with wiping out numerous executive orders issued by his predecessor, President Donald Trump today signed a document canceling Abraham Lincoln's Emancipation Proclamation. Surrounded by officials from the Merchants and Manufacturers Asso...
Read full storyDonald Trump intended to fire "Mr Cummy", not the head of the FBI
In a bizarre interview with Fox News, Donald Trump has made some astonishing revelations about his sex life, and admitted that James Comey's dismissal was a result of an embarrassing mixup. The President revealed that he has used a number of nickn...
Read full storyRedevised Fairy Tale: Allicia's Misadventures in Auz. [Auzmania]
PROLOGUE - Once upon a time there were two little girls who grew up as friends and classmates in the country of Auzmania. Despite their close friendship,the girls were very much unalike. Alicia was caring, cooperative and a loyal friend to all who knew her. Snow, on the other hand, was devious, manipulative and her friendship was shallow. Both were very bright and they were the most attractive gir...
Read full storyTrump Introduces New 'Fart Code'
Since taking office, President Donald Trump has signed over 43 executive orders. Today he has added to that tally by signing another and possibly his most controversial and bizarre to date. The executive order bans the word 'Trumped 'from bein...
Read full storyRay Wilkins recognised as cultural icon
Time magazine has just released their list of most influential people 2017. Amongst the world's most influential creative artists, musicians and political activists is a name unfamiliar with a large number of people around the world. The decision to...
Read full storySpecial prosecutor Arnold Buggerovski appointed to Trump investigation
Mr. Arnold Walker Buggerovski has been appointed special prosecutor to investigate Mr. Trump's alleged ties to Russian influence in the recent election, plus other matters. Despite Russian ancestry, Mr. Buggerovski has had a nearly saintly career...
Read full storyTrump Shared Nuclear Codes With Russians
Showing that he can give and take when dealing with other world leaders, President Trump revealed the nations nuclear launch codes to the Russian ambassador while bragging about the US's nuclear capability. A concerned person who was in the room w...
Read full storyWell known UK supermarket chain invite rats to shop till they drop!
One of UK's largest supermarkets have decided to open their doors to a horde of rats! Instead of attempting to poison them, the supermarket feels rats are a perfect way of ridding the place of discarded food thrown away because the date of purchase h...
Read full storyRobocallers are "Domestic Terrorists"
SACRAMENTO, CA. That tell-tale burp that often is followed by a long pause before a robocaller says hello may soon be heard no more. California state attorney general Xavier Becerra today criminalized all automatically dialed phone call solicitatio...
Read full storyQueen Warns Grandchildren to "Shut the Fuck Up Already!"
Buckingham Palace, London, England The Queen didn't realize the microphone was still on when she was yelling at Prince William, Prince Harry, and Kate Middleton for being too candid in their public speeches, and not royal enough when talking to crowd...
Read full storyBurgers to be banned on UK buses!
Smokers, alcoholics and people who don't pay their fares on UK buses are banned. Profane language and fighting on buses is banned too along with Grannies forcing young smartphone addicts to give up their seats! However, it seems that UK bus compan...
Read full storyCrazy woman worked for the SOE agency
Spy News: It has come to the attention of the DR Congo that a crazy woman was enlisted with the British SOE in 1990 whilst working as a lingerie model and craving long black sausage. The SOE was never dissolved according to M16 officials. She...
Read full storyBrit racehorse becomes best seller painter!
After a successful career as a racehorse, and before ending up as a pot of glue, Metro the horse decided to start a career as a painter. His new owners, who really did not want to send him to the knackers yard, observed Metro whilst trotting aroun...
Read full storyTrump's Plan to Wear Out Press is Working
Washington, DC Donald Trump's strategy to wear out the press with story after story appears to be working. "It used to be that you couldn't be away from the Trump News Cycle for more than a day. And that was just during his campaign. After that, y...
Read full storyJose Mourinho buys 500 new players!
After the mega success of Manchester United in the Europa League, Jose Mourinho, has decided he needs to strengthen his squad and has handed CEO, Ed Woodward, a list of 500 players he wants! The media circus around United is going bananas speculat...
Read full storyDonald Trump and Birth Certificates...An Untold Tale
If you thought Donald Trump was obsessed with the issue of Barack Obama's birth certificate, then let's set the record straight. His preoccupation with official birth documents goes way back, and it is best illustrated by an event in his own household some years ago. When Donald Trump, Jr., turned nine, the first born son of the real estate tycoon asked his father if he could have a model train...
Read full storyTrump Denies Any Wrongdoing in Firing FBI Director
Trump Tower, NYC Trump, after firing FBI Director James Comey, denied that the firing had anything to do with the fact that the FBI Director had recently opened an investigation into the election and possible Trump Russian collusion. "No, that inv...
Read full storyComey on the run toward the Canadian border
Recently fired FBI Director James Comey's affairs have gone from bad to worse, and he is now on the road somewhere between Washington and the Canadian border. Mr. Trump has said he feels obligated to release the contents of private talks with Mr.
Read full storyEurope decides English language is not important after meeting mumbling May!
After the controversial meeting between Theresa May and Jean-Claude Juncker it seems as though May's rhetoric and gobbledygook is not understood anymore in Europe so the EU has relegated the English language to the second division! May's unexplai...
Read full storyPoo comparison website makes a splash
A "webshite" based in the Philippines has recently become popular in the West, particularly in Germany where excrement is a common topic of conversation. It is a free-to-join social networking site, that describes itself as "a place for exploring...
Read full storyAnnie Less-beyond joins NUTS
Space news- Annie Less-beyond says she joined the few, the proud and the lonely of NUTS, New Ultimate Test Subjects. "Ever since I can remember, the desire to join this group of elite people has set me apart from society," states Less-beyond.
Read full storyWorld Leaders Cancel Trump Visits
In a startling development, the leaders of Saudia Arabia, Israel, and the Pope all cancelled visits by Donald Trump. "We've banned Donald Trump like he wants to ban Muslims" said King Salman bin Abdulaziz Al Saud of Saudia Arabia. "If he tries to...
Read full storyBritish parliament to employ Watson to prevent deviancy
The British parliament is ready to implement a crime prevention program that employs several thousand Watson computers that will serve as legal counsel for British citizens that walk the streets. After having success with the CCTV security system...
Read full storyDemocrats Submit Proof of Election Tampering
Washington, DC - Congressional Democrats dropped a bombshell revelation this morning, announcing that they possess definitive proof of election tampering. At a press conference hosted by their intellectual leader, Maxine Waters(D, CA)and moral and...
Read full storyTrump Announces New Foreign Tour to Begin Immediately
Washington, DC Trump's Deputy's Deputy Press Secretary, the only one not traveling with him, announced today that Trump and his entourage will not be returning to the United States yet. They have decided, since they are already in the Europe/Asia...
Read full storyDiane Abbott filmed with mystery object on the Antiques Roadshow
Mystery solved, professed a grateful Diane Abbot after an Antiques Roadshow expert revealed that the 'strange' object she had taken along was an abacus. The rustic framework and collection of counters were identified as being a vintage counting fr...
Read full storyGay man shares nightmares with QB magazine
Eric Henry spoke out in an interview with QB magazine for the first time to discuss the nightmares he experienced as a child which molded his life and made him the person he is today. At the age of 12 he was diagnosed with Sleep Paralysis that re...
Read full storyKim Jong Un seeking proctologist to remove missile
NK - After last weeks failed missile launch hit Kim Jong Un in the buttocks, he has been issuing coded messages. The NSA has finally decoded the messages. Dr. D. Phase of the NSA pubic relations department held a press conference today to relea...
Read full storyCountry Singer Toby Keith Hopes Not to Incite Arabians to Riot
Riyadh, Saudi Arabia Donald Trump is taking one of the only acts that would play at his Inauguration, Country-alt singer Toby Keith, to play to an all-men's concert. "We're not sure if we could pick a more inadequate act to play to this hyped up m...
Read full storyHollyweird's Hottest: Brooke Shields
Brooke Shields was born of Teri (nee Schmon), her husband, Frank, providing the sperm. A "human mutt, and a bitch, at that," as she calls herself, Shields comes of Italian, French, Irish, English, German, Scotch, and Welsh bloodlines. (Her ancestors really got around and, apparently, got along well with virtually everyone.) She claims her lineage includes various royals and nobles, but neither...
Read full storyNapoleon Invades France
Napoleon Bonaparte known by his street name "B" has once again scored big by invading his own country. Clearly unable to resist the sight of a pile of shiney stuff, "B" went all out by planning a trip to Rome. When it was pointed out that Rome...
Read full storyReport: Sexless White House May Turn Trump Administration Impotent
A recent study warns that President Donald Trump's apparent lack of marital relations could result in even greater instability in the oval office. Those findings were reported by More On, a California think tank, and included interviews with presiden...
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