UFO Scandal: Trump Had Putin Assassinated?!

Written by TheTempleReptilian

Monday, 29 May 2017


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for UFO Scandal: Trump Had Putin Assassinated?!

So now, we finally know what was all the mystery behind Jared Kushner's Russia connection. It turns out that he was trying to get in contact with his Russian mercenaries at the Kremlin. He'd lost touch with them, you see? Something went technically wrong. Very wrong.

Putin's assassination failed miserably. It backfired enormously, and they weren't able to cover it up fast enough. They had the election hacked but they were too slow, as it turns out.

They had no clue the CIA was having its clandestine psychic spies learning remote viewing. Remote viewers can see behind closed doors, no matter how secure. They missed that little tiny detail.

VooDoo priestess Hillary Clinton was aware of the plan all along, and so was Angela Merkel. They have a super secret, all female, by invitation only. More secretive even than the Freemasons and the Skulls & Bones.

That's why Hillary was hiding in the woods, waiting, waiting, slowly preparing to strike like a genetically-enhanced cobra. And then SNAP! The crocodile slammed shut its massive jaws around the poor monkey's neck and crushed his bones instantly.

The military would have you believe otherwise, but there is actually no human technology capable of matching the power of remote viewing. There are different levels of remote viewing. The most powerful government alliances in the world still don't possess the technology to control the remote viewer's mind.

In the land of the blind, the remote viewer is king.

The light raiders saved Putin. They had another plan. Light riders appear like UFOs to the human eyes, because the human eyes can't see what goes on behind high-security facilities underground. These facilities are jointly occupied by reptilian aliens and the Shadow Government.

Hillary controls a big part of this industry, but not all. She's got very powerful enemies, like, duh, Donald Trump, right?

The Shadow Government is the New World Order disguised as a hermetically-sealed society that communicates with evil aliens, body-snatchers who violate the human dignity of its host. It's really a hi-tech version of VooDoo dolls, you see?

Hillary's Internet trolls are awakening fast. There's no time. She must figure it out now or the puppet Putin will send out his assassins into the woods to chase after her. There's no safe place to hide anymore. She has to come out and tell the truth to the American people now, while she still can.

After Putin's failed assassination. Jared had to go with his own Plan B. A macabre plot concocted in the bowels of an underground Russian-reptilian alien base. Jared unveiled his genetically-engineered PLF (programmable life form) and saved the day.

Temporarily, that is.

Turns out he merely bought some time for his father in law, but he failed to make his Machiavellian Plan B stick. PLF Putin malfunctioned, and people close to the Donald started suspecting something, especially Melania and the Pope, that's why they swatted the Donald's hand out of the way.

Melania and the Pope know the truth but they have been forced into STFU'ing. They think they had them! Now the plot is thickening. Angela Merkel is standing her ground because she has some limited information about the UFO fleet pulling PLF Putin's strings. She wants in on the full secret, too, but Hillary won't let her.

The conspiracy goes way too deep, down to the very origins of the Dark Web. James Comey knows everything, that's why he was fired. There are missing subplots still waiting to be revealed. Keep checking Google News for updates on this draconian saga.

The Donald is shaking in his boots, and so are the Clintons. The truth is exploding out of the poor tortured Muslim mind slaves the FBI has at its disposal. Christians, especially, are awakening their impenetrable spiritual connection with UFO Jesus, a super-soldier clone of Jesus of Nazareth. FBI leakers are having a ball disseminating information in the Deep Web.

The Christian/Muslim droid alliance will strike at once. Like thieves in the night. Expect them. They're infiltrated everywhere. They are everywhere, and they're out to get you. They have eyes of fire that can penetrate even the most sophisticated quantum computers in human brains.

The reptilian eye is watching.

Together, the Christian/Muslim worlds are too numerous to defeat. That's why the US has been so dead set at dividing the minds of the faithful. They no longer need suicide bombers. They have developed instruments the Shadow Government has no idea about.

There's a UFO army rising up into the surface. It can no longer be contained underground. The exile has ended for good. Christians and Muslims will unite, and they will establish a kingdom of love and peace upon this Earth.

Our planet is fighting back, and it's spitting out its ancient secrets. The skeletons in the closet are being stirred. The rich and famous Illuminati celebrities like Beyonce and Katy Perry are Hillary's *cough* CIA-programmed sex slaves.

Beware of Hillary's all-female, by invitation only, VooDoo secret alliance with Angela Merkel. They are relentless, and they can thrive in any environment, no matter how hostile. The Queen of England is part of this alliance, and she ain't happy with the disaster the US Dems and Reps have brought about.

Don't you know that the Russians infiltrate and body-snatch just as much, or maybe even more, than the oil-thirsty Western-Saudi allies?

Remember how Donald Trump said very confidently that he would totally turn torture into a legal practice. He did already. It's being practiced on vulnerable human beings of all religions, especially on the Muslims who have shown sympathy for Christians, or the Christians who have tried to speak out for their long lost Muslim brothers and sisters.

There will be peace on Earth. Donald Trump cannot stop this transition, as he has no clue what Hillary is planning. We don't know what she's planning. We don't know what she's thinking. The truth is about to burst out of her. Congress can't stop her. Neither can the Obamas.

Melania will not stay quiet for much longer. Her tell-all book is already being written. She's got world-wide distribution secured before the book is unsealed to the public. Melania's book will be so compelling, that the veil will fall before our very eyes.


Donald beware, you're in for a scare!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more