"Impeachment Boat" is DizzyLand's Popular New Ride

Funny story written by XRhonda Speaks

Saturday, 20 May 2017

image for "Impeachment Boat" is DizzyLand's Popular New Ride
Will real life imitate an amusement park ride?

Dystopian theme park DizzyLand has added a President Trump inspired Impeachment Boat to their diverse lineup of fun and satirical rides. Now it's the most popular ride at DizzyLand and the top search term in the San Diego area.

As this reporter entered the sea-side DizzyLand amusement center, the park mascot Ricky Rat greeted squealing kids amid the smell of sea air and freshly made caramel corn.

Park owner Mary Emoken spotted this reporter immediately and greeted me with an enthusiastic smile and handshake, then took us right to the dock and her new pride the SS Flounder, AKA The Impeachment Boat.

Emoken couldn't wait to talk about how she developed the new attraction.

"I hired Murder by Dessert to help me write the scenarios and train my staff, so it's like one of their murder mysteries they put on where the dinner guests take part in the play as well as in solving the murder, only in ours we stage an impeachment trial during the boat ride."

The boat, essentially a large ferry, was already crowded for the next tour. On deck, was Donald Rat, an actor in a rat costume sporting a giant orange comb-over. He was posing with kids and tourists for pictures. Donald Rat played the role as the Head rat who will be impeached over a Russian cheese scandal.

A familiar music played in the background with the lyric "impeachment's in the air," and when asked about it, Emoken answers with a wry smile.

"I licensed the theme song from The Love Boat and had it re-recorded with new lyrics."

Emoken goes on explaining the Impeachment Boat concept.

"The guests choose sides either for or against impeachment and then they get clues and evidence and then they have to pick a prosecutor or a defense lawyer for their side. But to make it fun and interesting we throw a few wrenches in the trial along the way: halfway through the trial the boat stops so Donald Rat can get a suitcase full of money from the Russian Cheese cartel, then the mock trial resumes."

But there is still another surprise for the passengers, Emoken told this reporter, "You just have to wait and see," she said cryptically.

This reporter has been through too many dinner murder mysteries to get very excited about a mock impeachment, but with little choice, I settled in for the hour long tour.

As expected, after the Russian money drop, many guests wanted to switch sides but were stuck defending Donald Rat as the trial resumed.

One guest, Mike Ambrosio, explained how his niece and nephew were disgusted in the second half of the trial.

"They are three and four years old and almost cried when they understood that Donald Rat took money from some bad hombres. But they're still having as much fun as the adults are for sure."

Just as Donald Rat's fate was to go to a full vote, Emoken's second surprise arrived as a crew member shouted, "Pirates! Four o'clock!"

The crew ran to the side of the boat and some passengers even screamed as an inflatable boat filled with brown skinned men sped to the Flounder. As the pirates closed on our location, we could see the men were carrying Super Soakers and water balloons, then the crew broke out their own squirt guns and handed some to the passengers as well. The pirates tried to board the Impeachment Boat, but Donald Rat rallied the crew and guests to repel them.

As soon as the excitement of the pirate attack died down, the boat had already returned to dock without a final vote on Donald Rat's fate.

Theme Park Rating: Five Stars, Parental guidance suggested due to mock violence and strong moral themes.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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