Written by humanoid

Wednesday, 10 May 2017

image for Annie Less-beyond joins NUTS
The Cadet Academy Award honorees.

Space news- Annie Less-beyond says she joined the few, the proud and the lonely of NUTS, New Ultimate Test Subjects.

"Ever since I can remember, the desire to join this group of elite people has set me apart from society," states Less-beyond.

NUTS is an organization that collects funds to train dedicated astronautical recruits who have aspersions of colonising other worlds.

The organization has released the secretly coded names of its Space Cadet Academy Award honorees. The Award is given to Stallions of the Academy who excelled at a grueling astronaut training camp by living a whole year in a biosphere situated in the Sahara desert.

Recycled sweat was used to run a drinking fountain as the only source of water. Cooking fuel was made of dry feces that burned with the efficiency of coal.

The nominees are as follows in secret code, Elizabeth the Big Pickle Visionary, Sally Wieners, Annie Less-beyond, Jane the Anaconda, and Margret the Noodle.

This year's award recipients will join an impressive list of Women who have distinguished themselves by drawing upon their courage to become successful Space Cadets in their endeavours to conquer space.

A person who appears to be in her own world or out of touch with reality is considered a dope, hence the name Space Cadet.

Men being of a noble breed, are spared the ordeal of mounting the cow.

The vision of the organization:

The NUTS organization wants to launch a million people to Mars in the event some apocalyptic disaster eventually ruins Earth. And they expect it to be somewhat expensive - one trillion dollars or more per person.

The ex-president of NUTS, Maya Fangore, left her main directives in a manifesto for the organization to follow. The manifesto gives plans to colonize Mars with Interplanetary Transport System of rockets, spaceships, fuel pods, and other crucial components that will get the job done. Still, the full presentation at the International Astronomical Congress in Guadalajara, Mexico, barely scratched the surface.

"If you are unprotected on Mars your blood would boil, even at ambient temperature," said planetary scientist Aurthur Ashe, who's based at NASA's Ames Research Center

"All the gases that are dissolved in your bloodstream turn into bubbles."Like popping a can of Coke, you would fizz into heaven faster than anything else," Ashe said. "And that's within seconds." So low atmospheric pressure is a hazard for an unprotected Mars explorer.

Ashe advices the organization to use genetic engineering to condition plants and animals to survive harsh conditions on Mars. Plants can be genetically engineered to produce water and oxygen that is released to produce an atmosphere.

A new type of grass will cover the Martian landscape and rivers of water will fill an ocean.

Small animals will have a steady food supply by eating the plants, as they further evolve on Mars.

When humans arrive on the planet, the air pressure and radiation will be more stable.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Space

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