Trump's right thumb disease may lead to its removal

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Sunday, 14 May 2017

image for Trump's right thumb disease may lead to its removal
Dr. Severing's resemblance to President Nixon won him an award in medical school

The White House has disclosed Mr. Trump has a problem with his right thumb, which may require extirpation and replacement.

A specialist in thumb and middle finger replacement, Dr. Richard Milhous Severing, has laid out the problem as "peculiar formations" on afflicted appendages.

Overuse of the thumb tends to bring on this disease, also known as luxuria industria pollicis (excessive thumb disease).

Mr. Lavrov's visit this past week was marred only when he insisted on wearing latex gloves to shake hands with Mr. Trump, a development deliberately kept from the mainstream press.

A team of columnists from The New York Times is now working hard on Mr. Trump's thumb problems as acquired on his visits to Russia.

There is also keen attention to whether Mr. Lavrov was seeking to import luxuria industria pollicis into the general American Public via his entry to the United States in recent days.

Such is a violation of international law but the American Political Establishment believes Russia is capable of the deepest infamy while maintaining a "ruse of diplomacy."

Meanwhile, the Russian photographer who attended White House meetings with Mr. Lavrov has been detained for extensive thumb and other appendage examination.

Dr. Severing, also known for his resemblance to President Nixon (plus dying his hair to honor Mr. Trump), is a specialist in appendage examination and replacement.

Mr. Trump is reported eager to receive Thumb Replacement Therapy (TRT) and has requested a larger thumb than the original.

"My Trump's thumbs up is famous wherever he goes, and suitable to every occasion," Mr. Spicer told FOX News.

"The Tomahawk Strike--thumbs up. His inauguration crowd estimate, the electoral victory, vanquishing Ms. Clinton. All these require a ritualistic salute, shall we say."

However, Mr. Trump's extending his thumb upward as he reaches forward his hand to exchange a traditional handshake has brought moments of unease, as with Mr. Lavrov's request for latex gloves.

A few weeks ago, President Xi of China hesitated at Mar a Lago over chocolate cake when Mr. Trump announced the Tomahawk Strike while extending the thumb's up.

President Xi's hesitation at that moment was accompanied by staring at Mr. Trump's right thumb before reluctantly allowing the grasp.

Historically, luxuria industria pollicis has afflicted other political figures, as with Napolean Bonaparte who tended to hide the disease by placing his hand inside his tunic.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more