Forensic Scientist Discovers Acting US Attorney General's Recommendations for Comey's Firing Was Actually Written by Dr. Harold Bornstein
Late Thursday evening, Sandia Lab scientist, Dr. Irwin Corey announced the results of his analysis of Acting US Attorney General Rod Rosenstein's recommendation letter to El Presidente Trump to dismiss FBI Director James Comey.
Dr. Corey told this reporter, "spectroscopic and chromatographic analysis of the letter revealed a watermark for Dr. Harold Bornstein, as well as distinct indications of the bleaching of Dr. Bornstein's actual signature as verified by graphological comparisons."
This morning, I knocked on Dr. Bornstein's door to solicit his comments regarding Dr. Corey's revelation. Dr. Bornstein's wife Melissa opened the door and upon seeing my cameraman and my microphone, dashed the two of us with the contents of a filled chamber pot and a blizzard of invectives before slamming the door.
That should probably be interpreted as a less than sterling confirmation.
In a pursuit to confirm the Sandia Lab findings, this reporter approached Sean Spicer, officially designated La Casa Blanca propagandist and spokesman. Spicer asked me to follow him into an adjoining room, so we could have a private conversation when he launched in a classical La Casa Blanca display of obloquy calumny, perfidy, and rhetorical prestidigitation.
When Spicer finally recaptured his breath, he spit in my face and began screaming,"Gun, Gun!"
In a New York minute, I was slammed to the ground by a bevy of Secret Service agents, handcuffed, blindfolded and dragged off to an awaiting SUV with blackened windows. I was then told, "If I ever got closer to La Casa Blanca than Lafayette Park, I would be taken into custody, given a Minox Camera, some Baywatch DVDs, a Wahl Groomer, flown to North Korea and parachuted into downtown Pyongyang at high noon. I was then unceremoniously tossed out of the SUV into a Potomac River shallows.
After returning to my residence to bathe and change clothes, I discovered my condo had been ransacked and my desktop and laptop computers were nowhere to be found.
I immediately placed a call to Dr. Corey at Sandia Labs, where I was transferred to an operator, who told me that there was no one named Corey employed at Sandia Labs and never had been. I then performed a Google and Intellius search on my neighbor's computer for Dr. Irwin Corey - no results were returned.
I later placed a call to my editor requesting a transfer to the "Life and Leisure" section of the paper.